Teggie

Been over 2 weeks since I made AH leave the property and went no contact except for texting related to son or business.

Have told him that I won't discuss anything personal until he completes rehab and has a recovery. I don't even think I want to talk to him then, too much damage has been done and I am ambivalent about even trying anymore even if he gets clean.

We have been doing good and I have been making plans to deal with all the mess he's left behind him. I have my ducks in a row.

He's been staying at neighbors and has been coming over to shop out back about every day to get tools etc. I have been thinking about setting a date for him to have his stuff out of the shop, he had a crisis of sorts last Monday and a buddy of his told me he was talking about rehab so I waited on setting the date because of that, but evidently he's not going because he's still here. As far as I know.

So last night my oldest went out with some friends, I was up late to make sure she got home ok, Lo & behold I see AH's buddy drop him off out back to his shop at midnight. So I am guessing he stayed out there last night, maybye got kicked out of where he was staying? Plus he asked twice yesterday for coffee & food.

I don't want him out there, it defeats my purpose of having him off the property.
I know if I bring it up he's going to feed me a sad sad story & beg to stay out there. How he has no money, no vehicle, can't work because of the pain yadayadayada. Heard it all before.

I feel like I am being sucked into doing something I don't want to do. He's not my child but he acts like he is. Like I am responsible for him. I married the man, I didn't give birth to him!

Any words of encouragment? I don't hate him or wish him ill.

Hugs
Teggie

Teggie

Thank you Anvil, I needed that, thank you for being here.

Going to church then my Mom's to work on thier computers. Getting away from here right now.

Nothing changes till something changes.
I'm hanging in there.

Hugs
Teggie

Insulated

Maybe he's not taking your boundaries seriously. He found a loop hole. anvilhead really nailed it. a time line and a new lock might be the added measure necessary for him to consider you serious. It won't send him to his bottom, but it'll sure help you reach your top!

teke

i agree with anvil. if he should be off the property, help him to understand that by enforcing your boundaries. have you ever thought that he could possibly be using out back? addicts don't really care where they do that at but it sure helps if its somewhere they feel safe.

Callie

I agree on the timeline and the locks being changed. I know in my situation I cannot LEGALLY keep him out of the house or off the property. If he plays that card, maybe let him have the shop as a motel room in order to keep him out of the house.

My AH when on his binges with the vehicles would call the sheriff every night before coming home to see if legally he could be here. A protection order was denied for me so I was the one that had to leave. I'm not sure if you're talking divorce or just no contact. If it's just no contact, I would think he would respect your wishes in order to save his marriage. Of course with an active addict there is no respect is there.....

Teggie

I think I will set a timeframe for him to remove his possessions (and himself!) and follow through with it, that way it can't be said that I didn't give him a chance to make other arrangments. I will have to have the locks changed at that time.

The shop is none too comfortable, he was gone by the time we got up this am, back over to the buddy's house, theres no place to sleep except on a table or the floor, it's cold here in the 30's (theres a fireplace but he'll eventually run out of wood) theres no food or tv in there. It can't be comfortable so I am sure it's his last choice. As for whether he sleeps out there or not I prob have no recourse till I change the locks.

I realize he's playing the helpless card, because in the past that was what would get me and he knows it. He doesn't know now how I am so I think it's going to be a surprise to him that I won't give in and let him back in the house.

I'm thinking seriously I am going to have to file for divorce to put an legal end to the BS. For now I am going to let go and let god handle it & know where my responsibility lies and uphold the boundries that I make.

I'm getting pretty damn good at this boundry thing, practice makes perfect.

Thank you all, I would be so lost without my SR family.

Hugs,
Teggie

sofacat

I'm getting pretty damn good at this boundary thing, practice makes perfect.



Keep it up Lady. You're doing great!