mrsck09

Hi all, My AH been staying at his mothers until he figures out what he wants to do. Hes facing a felony and going thru the court system curently with randomn drug testing. Well they must have called him for one yesterday. I got a text saying he was going to go to a meeting, then call me for a visit. Well never got the call and then a text came in saying "i am going to jail- You will get your wish". I replied what? well didnt hear much more details but his mom said he had to go for a randomn yesterday. Then i got a message that he has nothing left to live for (not the first time I got this type of msg) I am leaving, you want to file, i am a loser pos, ect. I replied that you do have alot to live for . You have 2 beautiful children that see no faults, I am still here and your family loves you very much. I just see you as a loving person loosing the battle of addiction. I text him there was a meeting at 8pm and midnight. never heard back. this morning I text his mom to see she heard anything and she said no. He really has lost everything. Everything was riding on this court outcome as far a job lined up. Was going to probabily get probation and dropped to a misdemeanor. Its his first offence. The reason he got caught was he OD and the cops found him and "leftovers" and supplies to use. So they charged him but didnt make him go to jail cuz his heart was acting crazy from the OD. Yah you would think the OD would been rock bottom, NOPE! Anyway I am so worried but I know this time Its truely in GOD's hands. I just wasnt sure if I should call his car in - cause he sounds really depressed. Maybe its too late- this was last night. I got so busy with my little kids and just really dont know if I should enable him anymore by trying to contact. Let go and let god! Please give me some advice on your experiences.

Callie

Kinda going through the same thing myself. It wouldn't hurt to call the police and alert them as to his car so they can be on the watch for it. I know the panic that you're feeling. Hang tight and keep busy with your little ones. It's my AH's first time being in real trouble, but once he got on the binges there was virtually NOTHING that I could do to stop it. Nothing.

I almost found myself wishing he'd get picked up and thrown in jail just because he would be safe and SOCIETY would be safe. I've heard it all too, file, I'm a loser, you can do better etc. It's hard to see them like this, but as Hello Kitty says - they're ZOMBIES during this time and so lost in their addiction.

I spent all last night feeling as though you do because AH was on the run also. I was scared to death he was driving because I was afraid he'd kill someone. I was panicky all night, but just prayed and kept busy with my kids. You had an appt with a lawyer didn't you? How did that go? When they are this far out of control it is ESSENTIAL that you protect YOUR assets. People can lose homes, vehicles and lots of $. If you're still married and HE goes off the deepend they can go to him to get what they need financially, but then you and your assets are on the chopping block next.

Feel free to pm me - sounds like we're both in the same sitch unfortunately.

teke

hi, i understand your concerns but he is in gods hands. my ah is in prison now for the second time, but its because of the choices HE made, there was nothing i could do to stop him.

as for calling the police, i was always told "HANDS OFF THE ADDICT". he may be running and sounding depressed but that too may be because of the decision he has made to use, he may be crashing and realizing all the consequences he now has to face. all the encouraging words you can muster up probably won't make him want to do anything but go get high. i think its manipulation and if by chance you think he'll hurt himself, call 911 and let them deal with that part.

he's at his mom, maybe it will help you more to focus on yourself and the kids if you could go "no contact" for awhile. you see what being in constant contact with him and his mom is doing to you. he's made his bed, you don't have to continue to crawl in that bed with him. focus on you, let him deal with his own issues. i know its easier said than done but if you are gonna take a front row seat from his mom's house, you might as well let him stay home. jmo

try to give him a chance to find his own bottom without your help, it may be the best and most loving thing for you to do for the both of you. you and him are in my prayers.

mrsck09

My apt with the lawyer got cancelled and I think it happened for a reason. I cant even afford one but cant put a price tag on my babies . I have already split off my bank account 2 years ago since the first incident of him doing check into cash MESS! Then we pretty much are screwed cuz all the credit cards max out anyway - cuz of his problem. I am down to one income and I went to full time work to support me and the kids. I made the house payment late - but paid it. I also paid gas & electric. I am holding on to the rest of little bit I got to my name for emergencies, ect. I have been on a cleaning spree all morning. Also keeping super busy with the little ones. I have a 1 year old boy so yah hes constantly into trouble. I am looking forward to his naptime cuz i have to take my 3rd old - outside to shovel snow . I have to learn to use the snowblower- He took care of that duty! Aside from that ,I can do everything else ok by myself! I am so trying not to contact him but I am so scared and worried. This could be the thing that makes him finally look at himself and realize he is powerless, his life is unmanageble and he needs to turn his will over to GOD. I do wish he was behind bars at least i know he safe !

coffeedrinker

my dad has not always been a "real" involved father. i moved out when i was 17. no christmas, birthday gifts, no monetary anything after that. he is by no means evil or cold-hearted, but this thread isn't about all that....

so when i decided to divorce my husband, i first sought a consultation with an attorney recommended to me. that was a hundred bucks. he thought we should do a "self" divorce but i knew i needed someone to advocate for me, and needed distance from him.

so fast forward, i had a 3 or 4 thousand dollar bill at the end. i was already in a panic about how to keep my home and all the bills that go along with a house and three daughters. my dad wrote me a check for $3,000. it was such a beautiful gift, i was appreciative and never once felt like i "should have" said no.

perhaps a gift will come to you. there are also free consultations, and low-cost alternatives - in my city we have a women's advocacy place and they help with this type of thing.

best to you

Insulated

until he figures out what he wants to do Maybe he's really staying there because it's free, easy, no pressure and the maternal nuturing is there.

I know when my ABF was arrested, they ransacked the house, found the drugs and he looked like he was under the influence. The sheriff took him directly to the ER by ambulance...diagnosis "substance abuse". He was shuffled in ankle shackles and cuffs to the cruiser THEN transported him to jail.

Callie

mrsck09 - Not sure what state you're in, but there are FREE consultations usually with lawyers. There are also places online for cheap divorces/dissolutions that you can do yourself. <$200.

I went to 3 (yes, three) free consultations just to be sure that I knew what I was dealing with and what I was entitled to.