Fear of Other Peoples Opinions and Judgment
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
Fear of Other Peoples Opinions and Judgment
Hi Everyone,
So I took my ABF back and am now terrified of people in AA judging me. My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships. I know this sounds really self-centered but I am afraid of it and am afraid to admit to people that we are back together.
We do not go to a lot of the same meetings as we live about 40 minutes from eachother. Does anyone have any experience with these fears? I work very hard on my recovery.
So I took my ABF back and am now terrified of people in AA judging me. My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships. I know this sounds really self-centered but I am afraid of it and am afraid to admit to people that we are back together.
We do not go to a lot of the same meetings as we live about 40 minutes from eachother. Does anyone have any experience with these fears? I work very hard on my recovery.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by cmhcali 
Hi Everyone,
So I took my ABF back and am now terrified of people in AA judging me. My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships. I know this sounds really self-centered but I am afraid of it and am afraid to admit to people that we are back together.
We do not go to a lot of the same meetings as we live about 40 minutes from eachother. Does anyone have any experience with these fears? I work very hard on my recovery.
So I took my ABF back and am now terrified of people in AA judging me. My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships. I know this sounds really self-centered but I am afraid of it and am afraid to admit to people that we are back together.
We do not go to a lot of the same meetings as we live about 40 minutes from eachother. Does anyone have any experience with these fears? I work very hard on my recovery.
I used to worry about what others thought to much. I've learned to not care anymore as long as I know I am doing my best and the right thing.
This really helped me it's in one of my favorite books,
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
We imagine and assume what others think of us and how they will react. We also assume that the judgments and self criticisms we have are true. We have learned to make so many assumptions that we aren’t aware of. These assumptions are not the truth. These assumptions and the faith we put in them is just one way that we are not impeccable with our word.
Through our domestication we have also learned to take things personally. We assume that when someone has an opinion about us that their opinion is valid. We end up having an emotional reaction to what someone says because we assume it is true. We can also take personally our own opinions. We also take personally our own self judgments. These self judgments are nothing more than an assumption. Over years the mind has developed many habits of making assumptions and taking them personally.
Through our domestication we have also learned to take things personally. We assume that when someone has an opinion about us that their opinion is valid. We end up having an emotional reaction to what someone says because we assume it is true. We can also take personally our own opinions. We also take personally our own self judgments. These self judgments are nothing more than an assumption. Over years the mind has developed many habits of making assumptions and taking them personally.
Once I let it sink in that just because someone else thought something or had an opinion about me (including myself at times) it didn't mean it was true
it really helped.
I would be curious as to why my friend was telling me things that other people may or may not think. It's your decision, and if it is a mistake,
it's your mistake to make. (As long as your not being hurt physically I mean)
The reality of it is, it does not matter what other people think.
Did you see the movie Avatar?
Some people loved it, best movie they ever seen. But some people saw it and it made them suicidal. Some people love Rock and Roll, some people hate it. I think if you hold yourself hostage to others opinions we are going to be in a constant roller coaster of emotions.
Have you ever noticed a good therapist won't tell you what they think?
They let you come to your own conclusions and figure things out.
You said you are working hard on your recovery and that is what is important, not what other people think. I hope you hold your head high
and be proud of your decision. You have the right to live the life you
want and make the decisions you want to make without guilt or fear
or others.
JMO
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
It is never a good idea to make up stories in your head about what others are thinking.
Work on making your relationship work, that's how to be Be confident in this decision, it is that simple.
Your friend gave you her opinion in a veiled way " My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships by saying it is what others will think.
It is too bad she can't talk straight with you.
Is there any truth in her opinion " I am unstable in relationships" ? if so, work on it as a character defect to be identified.
Work on making your relationship work, that's how to be Be confident in this decision, it is that simple.
Your friend gave you her opinion in a veiled way " My friend told me that people may think I am unstable in relationships by saying it is what others will think.
It is too bad she can't talk straight with you.
Is there any truth in her opinion " I am unstable in relationships" ? if so, work on it as a character defect to be identified.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
I work very hard on my recovery.
Stay on that path Lady...that's your main focus. AA should be that one place in the world for you to feel you can be open, honest and yourself. Work through these emotions you are having, try to figure out why you are having these feelings about yourself, and keep on your path of sobriety.
Is it a possibility that you and your A are too enmeshed? If that is the case, you may want to consider finding a different group for yourself and try to get some space between you.
Stay on that path Lady...that's your main focus. AA should be that one place in the world for you to feel you can be open, honest and yourself. Work through these emotions you are having, try to figure out why you are having these feelings about yourself, and keep on your path of sobriety.
Is it a possibility that you and your A are too enmeshed? If that is the case, you may want to consider finding a different group for yourself and try to get some space between you.
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Location: Seattle, WA
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The more I learn to take care of myself and keep my focus where it belongs (on me and my son), the less I cared about what others thought about me. As long as I am making the wisest and best choices I can FOR ME (not for other people) it doesn't matter what other people think or say.
You can't control what other people think, do or say. You can only control what you think, do or say.
Did you figure out what emotion was behind your anger yet?
You can't control what other people think, do or say. You can only control what you think, do or say.
Did you figure out what emotion was behind your anger yet?
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
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As long as the two of you are working on yourselves than I feel it isn't anyones business how you handle your life. There are plenty of couples that have made it through addiction and have learned from it....stay strong!!
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 729
Thank you everyone so MUCH!!! This is really really helping. You have no idea. I am going to re-read this and look inward to see what is going on with the guidance of god.
hello-kitty I believe my anger came directly from fear. And in relation to this topic. What I mean is if he did not relapse I would not have to worry about all of this. But like everyone has said. That is not true that is the lie I tell myself to get what I want.
hello-kitty I believe my anger came directly from fear. And in relation to this topic. What I mean is if he did not relapse I would not have to worry about all of this. But like everyone has said. That is not true that is the lie I tell myself to get what I want.
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Originally Posted by Done_With_It
This really helped me it's in one of my favorite books,
It's my favorite book and I can't tell you how many I've given as gifts. When I find myself taking something personally, I have to stop and ask if it's touching a raw nerve and there's at least partial truth to it, or if I'm wanting confrontation for whatever reason.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by Chino
The Four Agreements
It's my favorite book and I can't tell you how many I've given as gifts. When I find myself taking something personally, I have to stop and ask if it's touching a raw nerve and there's at least partial truth to it, or if I'm wanting confrontation for whatever reason.
It's my favorite book and I can't tell you how many I've given as gifts. When I find myself taking something personally, I have to stop and ask if it's touching a raw nerve and there's at least partial truth to it, or if I'm wanting confrontation for whatever reason.
Someone gave it to me as a gift, and I too have given it many times as a gift.
One of the best you can give.
Sorry cmhcali not trying to highjack your thread, just excited to see someone else who got as much as I did out of it.
Good to see this thread helped you.
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