Dealing with alcoholic sister

Old 01-28-2010, 12:19 PM
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Dealing with alcoholic sister

Had another incident of drunk, name calling messages left on my voice mail last night, telling me I am a b_tch, to stay out of her life, and all sorts of other nastiness. This was prompted because I didn't return her call fast enough about something that she is stressed out about related to her 20y.o. daughter.
Haven't had any of these phone calls for almost a year, last time I cut off contact for several months. After being blindsided by the voicemail, (I thought she was doing better), I couldn't sleep with my mind spinning. I am trying to decide how to handle this, she won't get help or talk about her alcoholism. We were raised in two different homes which is always her excuse for why she gets to act out since hers was more damaging. I feel like I need to set a limit or she will just lay low for a week or so then call and want to talk as if nothing happened and then the cycle will start again. I am thinking about telling her to not contact me again until she goes back to therapy or begins AA (which I now she won't). The other part of me is worried that if I cut her off that she will go farther down the toliet, (she is finishing her college degree and I am crossing my fingers that this helps her doing something other than being a 40+ waitress with no insurance). Any suggestions? I should also say that I don't have any other family members other than her and my brother who doesn't really talk to her.
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Old 01-28-2010, 12:35 PM
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Whether she goes further down the toilet doesn't have anything to do with whether you cut her off.

Personally, I just wouldn't accept angry, abusive or irrational phone calls. You don't have to engage with her to do this. You just don't answer or you change your number or you delete the message when you see it's from her.

I'm sorry you are in this situation with her. If you will read the sticky posts at the top of teh F&F page, you can gain a lot of insight.
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Old 01-28-2010, 01:10 PM
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I am thinking about telling her to not contact me again until she goes back to therapy or begins AA (which I now she won't).

Well if you know she won't do that then maybe just go no contact without having to have the conversation.

It seems like wht you want is for her to stop abusive treatment of you. Maybe ask her if she can do that? Tell her the kind of ph calls that are absolutely unacceptable to you. My guess is you've tried that and since she is an A she refuses to control her nasty behavior etc!!

Whether she goes farther down the toilet or not is really completely out of your hands. Believe it. Contact. No Contact. It has nothing to do with her getting her life together. She has to find the reason and the season to do this for herself. You can stay right out of the way!
If your mind spins and you lose sleep when she does this that seems like a message from yourself to "steer clear."
peace-
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Old 01-28-2010, 01:17 PM
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Thank you Stella and Bernadette for the support. I know you are right. I just needed to hear it.
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Old 01-28-2010, 04:16 PM
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Your boundary may not have to be " all or nothing "

You can let her know next time you talk to her, that you won't have a conversation when she is angry or drunk.

Sometimes compassion instead of ultimatums can help all concerned, while still maintaining the boundary.
Detaching is an ongoing process that changes through time .
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