humblestudent

This past month of being sober has shown me new and interesting things about myself (and others...) on almost a daily basis. The latest is that I am seeing glimpses of who I was before I ever started this mess years ago. What I mean by this, is the fun, playful, person I was is starting to peek out from behind the curtains. I am being pleasantly surprised to find that this part of me, or all of "me", who I was, is still in here somewhere under all the jaded self-loathing of addiction. I had become a hard, irritable, person going from one drinking episode to another, with at least 80 hrs. of work in between.

I'm finding that my intrinsic 'softness' is beginning to come out, a more patient me, a more open and almost naive me in some ways. Basically someone who I thought was long dead, was still inside of me, but just smothered by alcohol all along.

I used to mourn for this part of me, figuring that that ship had long sailed, and figuring that it would be impossible to be that person again. It's just a nice surprise to know that I'm still in here. If that makes ANY sense at all.


Have any of you had this experience??

intention

There just doesn't seem to be any downsides to recovery, does there?!

din

that in itself says the days will only get better!


at day 25, I am still waiting for her to show up
But I will do so patiently.

Anna

That's great!

I was kind of amazing when the real me started to appear during early recovery. My self-esteem was really low, and I definitely didn't like the person that I was. It was a great gift of recovery.

Ninsuna

Thank you, humble. Your posts always seem to say something I feel but don't know how to express as well as you do. You really inspire me.

jazz66

its great to get a sence off humer back
i no what you meen.

Astro

I love reading posts like this, to me it's one of the miracles of recovery, peeling back the layers of the onion and revealing the beautiful people that are hidden within.

I started drinking at 14 and kept it up for 27 years. I can't honestly say I knew who the real me used to be or who he was, I only know who I am now. I'm someone who can't get enough of life, I enjoy so many hobbies, I enjoy people and have so many friends, I like smiles and laughter, I like giving to others because "to give away is to keep", I keep learning new things about myself and I keep growing, and my life is blessed with a beautiful family.

I'm having and living the "experience" and I know it will never end.

Great post humble, thank you!

lionheart

I absolutely understand and think we are at very close to the same amount of days too.

Mine at the moment are still only glimpes, more because while it excites me, it also frightens me - i know that is about others who have taken advantage of the old me that going back to that makes me vulnerable but I am also working on how better to handle those situations...baby steps all the way..

Congrats on doing so well!

yeahgr8

Thats great news, i am really pleased for you and keep it up:-)

For me, i was never that person even as a child so i had to learn to live again, i did used to think i wish i could stop drinking and be like before but after doing a step4 i realised that the person before wasn't too great either lol

Stu

It's great knowing that life's little joys can still be experienced without alcohol.

coffeenut

What a wonderful post. Yes, finding the 'real' you is so rewarding. The journey is worth it, isn't it?!

humblestudent

Yes...recovery is really turning out to be a great experience. I was even talking to some people this week (a REAL conversation, not a drunken one), about their experience in feeding the homeless in the early mornings of the weekend.

The drinking me, would've admired them, but thought, "Oh hell no! I can't do that...I'll be hungover at that time of morning!" But the new me was like, "Hmmm...maybe I'll join them one weekend. This is always something I've wanted to do, and after all, I WON'T be hung over!"

So interesting how life is opening up like a flower.

Thank you!

cjsg

This is exactly where I am at the moment. Strange that I should come across a post when I was just thinking to same things to myself... after months of suboxone tapering, some meetings, and a lot of reading and thinking...I am finally seeing that I can rejoin the ranks of the living. I felt like I had turned into a zombie.... no extreme sadness but no great joy either. Lately it has changed and I am ridiculously optimistic and excited about the future and I look forward to whats to come. It does, indeed, seem to be getting better. its empowering as parts of yourself start to rekindle and turn up again.