Peace2All

I had a disagreement with my new therapist tonight and I'd like your collective opinion (I'm not sure this new therapist and I are a good fit).

Facts: I was planning on taking a 4-day weekend trip around President's day just to get away from my alcoholic wife and take some time to think some things through. Since deciding to do that, my wife says she's going to go to a 30-day program which will admit her this Monday.

I told the therapist I'd probably cancel my trip seeing as I'd now have a whole month alone to think and besides, her rehab has visitation on weekends so I'd like to see my wife. Therapist says that's being co-dependent.

I won't say I'm completely free of co-dependence, but I REALLY don't think it's being co-dependent to want to visit one's spouse when she's away for a month. The new shrink says it's putting her needs ahead of mine. But then again, my needs (i.e. need to have time apart/alone to think) is being met anyway.

I'm not looking for validation here. But I'm really questioning my connection with this new therapist.

Your thoughts are most welcome and appreciated.

Peace

MissFixit

Your opinion of your therapist is the only thing that matters. If you can't relate then that is something to think about.

About the codie thing. Cancelling your trip because she is gone to rehab is your choice, but you are cancelling it because of HER choice to go. Otherwise you would be going on a 4 day trip. The alone time part I get, but maybe the therapist was flagging your decision to alter your life/plans/needs based on your wife.

Pelican

I made it a point to take time away from my active alcoholic during the last years of our marriage. There were also times when my alcoholic had to be away from our home for business.

For me, the times I was away from the family home were more rewarding than the times I was at the home without the alcoholic. At home, there were all those unfinished projects calling out to me. At home, there were constant reminders of living with an active alcoholic. But away from the home, there were new (pleasant) distractions as well as the opportunity to be anonymous.

wanting

I don't necessarily think canceling your trip is a codependency thing. The reason you wanted a trip is to get away from your wife. Your wife will be gone, so the trip is unnecessary (assuming the sole reason was to get away from AW). If it was a thing where you canceled *this* weekend's trip, because AW said she was going to rehab on Monday and you had to help her and spend one last weekend with her, then maybe I could see the therapist's point.

But Pelican's point is worth noting. You may need a vacation-vacation, and not just being at home alone.