fightingfiance

As I have shared before my fiance is a crystal meth addict. For a while things were going really great. Then this past week he got fired from his job (an issue not related to his use I know that because I have proof). Then things seemed a little off. I just figured it was the stress of trying to find a new job because he was our only income and I am unable to work because I am on bedrest. He was detached and didnt show much emotion which is not normal when it comes to him using. Usually its the opposite. I had my suspicions but was still on the fence. Yesterday morning I asked him for the rent money and he said he had to go grab it from the truck. About 20 mins later I went out to see what was taking him so long. He was gone he took off in the truck. I figured he just needed some time to himself because we had been arguing and sometimes he just walks away because thats what he needs. A few hours went by and I heard nothing. No phone calls and he didnt show up. I started to get a little worried and figured he had probably gone out to get high again and if that was the case I really didnt want him here. More and more hours went by with no contact which even while he is high is unusual for him. I called everywhere I could think and normally I can find at least one person that had seen him and I could not find 1. This made me worry. I checked the jail just in case and he was not there. Then today rolled around and I was begining to wonder if my greatest fear had just come true. I didnt know if he was dead or alive or what had happened. His mom went out to look at his usual spots and still we could not find him. I know that hunting him down really didnt help but we didnt want to find him as much as we did just hear from someone that he was alive. Then at about 4:00PM we got a phone call he had checked himself into rehab because he had started to use again and was getting deep way too fast. I feel relieved that he is getting help and doing what he needs to do to keep himself sober. Now I am faced with how I am going to provide for me and my daughter. I cant work. The state wont give me enough help to even cover my rent. Which by the way is due in 5 days and I dont have it. I know I can make it threw this one way or another but I am terrified. I am happy that he is getting help really I am but Im scared and I feel lonely. I have support but no one that can lift the weight of the finacial aspect. I guess I am just hoping for some prayers and mental support here and I really needed to vent. Thanks for Reading

Insulated

Have you read the book codependancy no more by melody beattie? You are relying on an addict to support you. I'm not being mean. I've been there, done that, got the hat, t-shirt and the VIP parking pass! Mine is dead of an overdose. Self preservation is the key for your sanity and financial security. It's wonderful that he checked himself into rehab. May mean however, that he burned so many bridges that no one will deal or sell to him. So rather than be dope sick, he went to rehab. Just a thought.

Impurrfect

((Fightingfiance)) - I'm a recovering addict, as well as someone who has loved ones who are addicts (I'm a codie - codependent). Insulated is right - depending on an addict for your well-being is a risky thing.

Though it's great that he is in rehab, that is HIS issue...yours is how to take care of you and your daughter. Are there any resources that you can think of that can help you? Do you have family that can help you? I'm sorry, but an addict is just not reliable. You may have to consider going to a shelter for a while, I don't know. It may not be what you WANT to do, but may be what you NEED to do, for now. As codies, we often have to hit bottom, just as the addicts do.

I'm sure others will be along with more ES&H (experience, strength, and hope)

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Insulated

an addict is just not reliable I have deep regret for not knowing this sooner! Yes, I was ignorant, naive, stubborn, believed my addict was "different" than others. Simply realistically (and yes it hurts!) ...it is sooooooooo true.

totfit

I hope he is in rehab to get help and not just running away because he spent the rent money.

teke

try not to beat yourself up because of it. you are not the only one who tried to believe in their addicted love one. in my opinion, that does not make you ignorant, naive or stubborn. at some point, most of us have to come to the point where we have to except what is over what we wished it was. you are in my prayers.

coffeedrinker

if you could get to him, would he have next month's rent?

he may have blown it on one last giant high, then checked in. and when he is first there he can't call you.

but, i vote for you focusing on yourself and figuring out either where you can move (family?) or how you can subsidize your current income.

we will listen to you