How many of us are child abuse survivors?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 63
How many of us are child abuse survivors?
Hi,
I don't think I've been here since last month. Things have been going well. My AH and I are living over 100 miles apart this winter, I only see him on weekends. He rarely drinks on the weekends so I'm getting to see him at his best.
Meanwhile, issues I thought I had safely stored away a long time ago have come up and I'm wondering how many of us survived too much trauma as children?
My mother had 4 husbands. Her first was my father. He is a pedophile. He abused all 4 of his younger siblings. He abused me. He abused his other 3 children. God only knows how many he abused as a sunday school teacher. Only a couple of us have stepped forward and tried to warn people over the years. Most of the family is so religious they just for give him and put all their trust in god.
I went no contact 30 years ago but this week I got in contact with an uncle who I have too much in common with. I am completely overwhelmed with emotions right now.
I think I'm going to post on Mental Health or Anxiety for the first time but I wanted to stop in here first since I've been here so long.
I don't think I've been here since last month. Things have been going well. My AH and I are living over 100 miles apart this winter, I only see him on weekends. He rarely drinks on the weekends so I'm getting to see him at his best.
Meanwhile, issues I thought I had safely stored away a long time ago have come up and I'm wondering how many of us survived too much trauma as children?
My mother had 4 husbands. Her first was my father. He is a pedophile. He abused all 4 of his younger siblings. He abused me. He abused his other 3 children. God only knows how many he abused as a sunday school teacher. Only a couple of us have stepped forward and tried to warn people over the years. Most of the family is so religious they just for give him and put all their trust in god.
I went no contact 30 years ago but this week I got in contact with an uncle who I have too much in common with. I am completely overwhelmed with emotions right now.
I think I'm going to post on Mental Health or Anxiety for the first time but I wanted to stop in here first since I've been here so long.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
My family history is pretty full of things like this. I'm by no means unique. Sexual abuse by grandfather. When I was 12 my mother abondoned my sister and I for her child molesting boyfriend. Quite literally, I told her best friend that he tried to hit on me. Then two days later, she just never came home from work. *poof* gone. No note, nada.
6 months and one foster home later we got a letter. It wasn't pretty.
Nothing unique here. It's more like a story now. Dwelled on it in my 20's. Now in my mid 30's , it's more of something that just happened. Doesn't feel like it's a part of me anymore. It's as if there was an end to the road that I dragged that stuff on. I got to a fork in the road, Decided to take a narrower trail and had to leave that baggage behind. Recovery keeps me on that narrower road. I need the boundaries, but the road itself goes on and on.
6 months and one foster home later we got a letter. It wasn't pretty.
Nothing unique here. It's more like a story now. Dwelled on it in my 20's. Now in my mid 30's , it's more of something that just happened. Doesn't feel like it's a part of me anymore. It's as if there was an end to the road that I dragged that stuff on. I got to a fork in the road, Decided to take a narrower trail and had to leave that baggage behind. Recovery keeps me on that narrower road. I need the boundaries, but the road itself goes on and on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
I always knew that the babysitter's husband molested me. But it was weird, one day standing in my kitchen I suddenly got a flash of memory about it. Not that I didn't often think, or replay it, but this time, there was more detail! I started sobbing. Thank goodness my husband was there, it was one of times he was there for me and comforted me. I called my therapist and she saw me that day and we talked through some of it. It was shortly after that I wrote him a letter that I never sent.
I always thought that some of the issues I had in the bedroom stemmed from this once incident, especially surrounding the main male "part". I said to therapist, "but it only happened once. One time." She said "sometimes that all it takes."
What a rotten thing to do to a child.
Alezerin, your story breaks my heart.
I always thought that some of the issues I had in the bedroom stemmed from this once incident, especially surrounding the main male "part". I said to therapist, "but it only happened once. One time." She said "sometimes that all it takes."
What a rotten thing to do to a child.
Alezerin, your story breaks my heart.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Sweet! Thanks for posting this.
I"m writing a memoir, well I'm working on one, that will be made for you/us folks. All about that ugly crap and who I and my sisters someone reached adulthood as powerful women. Still not perfect, but better off than many folks. It started off as a piece of journalism, I interviewed other women in my situation, but the publishers want my memoir instead. There are so many of us, if we all spoke out simultaniously, Lordy we could cause an earthquake.
This must be cosmic as I went no contact 20 years ago with my mother who prostituted me to her boyfriend and she recently appeared on both my sisters facebook pages as a friend. My emotion comes and goes, as I have worked through a great deal, but still have no desire for contact.
I have PTSD too. That's a good time.
PM me if you want to get in contact for additional, not anonymous support. I'm very open about this stuff.
I"m writing a memoir, well I'm working on one, that will be made for you/us folks. All about that ugly crap and who I and my sisters someone reached adulthood as powerful women. Still not perfect, but better off than many folks. It started off as a piece of journalism, I interviewed other women in my situation, but the publishers want my memoir instead. There are so many of us, if we all spoke out simultaniously, Lordy we could cause an earthquake.
I went no contact 30 years ago but this week I got in contact with an uncle who I have too much in common with. I am completely overwhelmed with emotions right now.
I have PTSD too. That's a good time.
PM me if you want to get in contact for additional, not anonymous support. I'm very open about this stuff.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
My heart goes out to you all.
If you are including mental/verbal/emotional abuse count me in.
I've lost track of how often I was made to feel ignored, ridiculed, shamed, belittled, laughed at and generally not accepted into the family 'click'.
I've had my parents swearing in my face calling me whatever they could think of. My dad's favourite tactic is to get this look on his face like he is about to smash your face into a brick wall, come as close as he can get so your nose is almost touching and then rage at you, spit and all. He is over 6'2" and I am 5'6", it is frightening when he towers over you.
As a teenager my mother told me she wished she were dead, that someone in our family would get a gun and shoot her, and that I was to blame for all the misery in our family; apparently they are all much happier when I am not around. Now she denies it ever occured and says (to me) 'there is something wrong with you'
Words can really cut deep, hurt and scar.
I find that it is the denial and ignoring of what I know to have happened that can cause me more pain than what actually did. They never validate me or my feelings. I've reduced contact to bear minimum.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
If you are including mental/verbal/emotional abuse count me in.
I've lost track of how often I was made to feel ignored, ridiculed, shamed, belittled, laughed at and generally not accepted into the family 'click'.
I've had my parents swearing in my face calling me whatever they could think of. My dad's favourite tactic is to get this look on his face like he is about to smash your face into a brick wall, come as close as he can get so your nose is almost touching and then rage at you, spit and all. He is over 6'2" and I am 5'6", it is frightening when he towers over you.
As a teenager my mother told me she wished she were dead, that someone in our family would get a gun and shoot her, and that I was to blame for all the misery in our family; apparently they are all much happier when I am not around. Now she denies it ever occured and says (to me) 'there is something wrong with you'
Words can really cut deep, hurt and scar.
I find that it is the denial and ignoring of what I know to have happened that can cause me more pain than what actually did. They never validate me or my feelings. I've reduced contact to bear minimum.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
I will add too, that yes, I was sexuallly molested as a child by my stepfather and once by one uncle, and once by my stepfathers sister.
I also 2 emotionally disconnected parents. I have pretty much felt like I have raised myself since birth. Lately I have realized I have no idea what it means to feel like I am part of a "family".
Undoubtedly this has affected my relationships with people as an adult, and having low standards in what I settle for in a significant other. I have never had a truly healthy relationship with another man.
And only now, at the age of 34, am I truly doing things to be more aware of myself, my actions and looking for healthy reciprical relationships with adults.
I also 2 emotionally disconnected parents. I have pretty much felt like I have raised myself since birth. Lately I have realized I have no idea what it means to feel like I am part of a "family".
Undoubtedly this has affected my relationships with people as an adult, and having low standards in what I settle for in a significant other. I have never had a truly healthy relationship with another man.
And only now, at the age of 34, am I truly doing things to be more aware of myself, my actions and looking for healthy reciprical relationships with adults.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Add me to the list. This is common thread that our compasses which direct our intentions and impact our decisions were compromised from the start. Hence we are more compassionate, tolerate more chaos and generally don't know when to say we have had enough. No and sticking to it are not in the vocabulary.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I'd be more shocked at the ones who HAVEN'T been.
I mean, going with the baseline theory of why we choose alcoholics
as partners/mates....
because being hurt-scared-demeaned is what we think love is
(er... at first, of course)
... it's one of the necessary ingredients, isn't it?
I mean, going with the baseline theory of why we choose alcoholics
as partners/mates....
because being hurt-scared-demeaned is what we think love is
(er... at first, of course)
... it's one of the necessary ingredients, isn't it?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
my theory on the common thread thing, is that the perpetrators subconciously know who to pick. it's like how i "go to" addicts, there is a sixth sense about it. the perps go to those who will yield to them what they want. i never knew how to say no to anybody.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
Me too. Thank you so much to everyone who puts their hand up for this. Thank you for your courage & your honesty & your willingness to share about a painful subject.
The long term consequences of childhood abuse are horrifying. My heart goes out to everyone affected by it.
The long term consequences of childhood abuse are horrifying. My heart goes out to everyone affected by it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: new state
Posts: 137
Yes, me too. For four years, ages 3-7.
Excuse me for the blurt. It just still makes me so angry.
Not sexual abuse (that I know of), but physical abuse by a boy who was the son of my parents' friends. Even though they knew I was getting the crap beaten out of me, they did nothing and punished me when or if I cried, "told" on him, or refused to go back. All four of those adults knew- over and over and over- and got mad at a little three year old girl for ruining their "good time" (bloody marys in the morning, beer all day, and scotch at night) by asking to be helped. Oh, it really makes me mad. So that little girl grows up and attempts to create a family with an alcoholic and narcissist.
blurt over.
I'm still at step one. Clearly.
Excuse me for the blurt. It just still makes me so angry.
Not sexual abuse (that I know of), but physical abuse by a boy who was the son of my parents' friends. Even though they knew I was getting the crap beaten out of me, they did nothing and punished me when or if I cried, "told" on him, or refused to go back. All four of those adults knew- over and over and over- and got mad at a little three year old girl for ruining their "good time" (bloody marys in the morning, beer all day, and scotch at night) by asking to be helped. Oh, it really makes me mad. So that little girl grows up and attempts to create a family with an alcoholic and narcissist.
blurt over.
I'm still at step one. Clearly.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
I'd be more shocked at the ones who HAVEN'T been.
I mean, going with the baseline theory of why we choose alcoholics
as partners/mates....
because being hurt-scared-demeaned is what we think love is
(er... at first, of course)
... it's one of the necessary ingredients, isn't it?
I mean, going with the baseline theory of why we choose alcoholics
as partners/mates....
because being hurt-scared-demeaned is what we think love is
(er... at first, of course)
... it's one of the necessary ingredients, isn't it?
this is my theory too, barb.
even though my mind said :wtf2, my emotions told me "fix this, you can do it"
ahhh, what a process it is.
forgot to add, me too, no real memories, but bathtubs are not for me, and i am clearly suffering from PTSD. always on alert.
Last edited by wicked; 01-27-2010 at 11:06 AM. Reason: added me too......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I was what you'd say 'touched inappropriately', and I struggled with it for quite awhile, and then I told myself I'm making too big a deal about it, etc. People go through a lot worse. Not sure where I stand on it now. Could have something to do with me abusing alchohol or do I just blame myself for that? I really don't know what to think.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
