Once you're aware, you're never unaware again....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: between the lakes
Posts: 60
Once you're aware, you're never unaware again....
Has anyone else had the experience of suddenly noticing the codies amongst us? I had a huge revelation. My mom and dad are, and have always been, non-drinkers. Obviously this isn't a drug/alcohol thing but I saw my mom do something Sunday that left me open-mouthed. My dad is a very controlled diabetic and eats a very healthy diet---which my mom controls with perseverence. Believe me, she can nag and carry on with the persistance of any A's wife. Good with laying on the guilt too.
This one takes the cake though (pun intended
). The neighbor kid at my parents' had a birthday Sunday. He's a friend of our daughter and she attended. My husband jokingly said "bring me a piece of cake" when she left. Sure enough, an hour later the neighbor comes over with two good-sized pieces of ice cream cake. I was in the computer room and my husband came in to see if I wanted a piece and then tracked down my mom on the sunporch to ask her. Both of us declined and he went into the kitchen to get forks for him and my dad. My mom promptly trotted into the house, took the cake away from him and cut the pieces into four SKINNY slices (mind you, neither of us had wanted any)...she plopped one down in front of me with a command to "EAT IT" and took one for herself onto the porch.
She insists she can control my dad's diet in exactly the same manner that I tried to control my husband. It was disgusting to watch. And then I went home and laughed at the things I once did. Why is it so much easier to see when it's food and not drugs?
I guess a codie has to find something to control....and she'd NEVER get it.
This one takes the cake though (pun intended
). The neighbor kid at my parents' had a birthday Sunday. He's a friend of our daughter and she attended. My husband jokingly said "bring me a piece of cake" when she left. Sure enough, an hour later the neighbor comes over with two good-sized pieces of ice cream cake. I was in the computer room and my husband came in to see if I wanted a piece and then tracked down my mom on the sunporch to ask her. Both of us declined and he went into the kitchen to get forks for him and my dad. My mom promptly trotted into the house, took the cake away from him and cut the pieces into four SKINNY slices (mind you, neither of us had wanted any)...she plopped one down in front of me with a command to "EAT IT" and took one for herself onto the porch. She insists she can control my dad's diet in exactly the same manner that I tried to control my husband. It was disgusting to watch. And then I went home and laughed at the things I once did. Why is it so much easier to see when it's food and not drugs?
I guess a codie has to find something to control....and she'd NEVER get it.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
LOL - Very funny story. My mother-in-law is a bit like that (not quite as bad), and my father-in-law is the diabetic, but the thing is that they are both very happy living like that....stange huh?
But yes, we can spot it a mile away.
Hugs
Ann
But yes, we can spot it a mile away.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
One of the stage managers at a theatre I often work for is a real "take care of it" kind of gal. One time I asked her for some tape so I could label my racks. She freaked. "I'm sooooooo sorry. I should have already done that."
I said... "Now, why are you apologizing to me for not doing MY job... you big codie!"
She was still sorry but she looked at me like I'd sprouted Vulcan ears. Obviously not everybody knows what a big codie is. I forget.
I said... "Now, why are you apologizing to me for not doing MY job... you big codie!"
She was still sorry but she looked at me like I'd sprouted Vulcan ears. Obviously not everybody knows what a big codie is. I forget.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
I know I didn't know what a codie was until I came here!
I never felt like I controlled anything, until I started really looking into it, and watching what I do. Boy, was I surprised. But I am also very controlled by Squinty. I can't sneeze, cough, snore, snort, burp, or anything, without a comment on what was wrong with the way I did it! No joke!. I don't sneeze loud enough, I cough too much, snore too loud, burp "funny"--true story!
I have to tell you something--my daugher just found out she has exercise-induced asthma. Well, last night, she had an attack without doing anything physical--only homework. She is sssooooo disorganized, and had left her new inhaler in her baton bag at school. Neither the baton bag or the inhaler should have been there, but she forgets everything. Tonight, she had left baton, and went to a game, and I got a call from her baton teacher (who I called at 11:30 last night in a panic, hoping she might know where my daughters baton bag was) saying she had left her purse there at baton, with her inhaler sitting right on top! Now, I don't really believe in killing your children, but I may change my way of thinking (just kidding). Anyways, I went to pick it up on the way to pick up my daughter, and talked with the teacher for awhile. Her husband said that what I need to start telling her is "that's just not like you, honey!" They said he had learned this at a business seminar--to use if you want to help a person change a bad habit.
So, I used that on her tonight--and would you believe she said--I know, I don't know what's wrong with me! I hardly ever forget anything really! She was serious! Now, this is the child that calls me everyday after she's on the bus, and down the road a bit to tell me of a very important something she has forgotten! Well--let's hope this works. I prefer to consider this as positive re-inforcement, rather than manipulation, thank you. I'm sorry to say, I've been very codie with my kids too!
Lyn
I never felt like I controlled anything, until I started really looking into it, and watching what I do. Boy, was I surprised. But I am also very controlled by Squinty. I can't sneeze, cough, snore, snort, burp, or anything, without a comment on what was wrong with the way I did it! No joke!. I don't sneeze loud enough, I cough too much, snore too loud, burp "funny"--true story!
I have to tell you something--my daugher just found out she has exercise-induced asthma. Well, last night, she had an attack without doing anything physical--only homework. She is sssooooo disorganized, and had left her new inhaler in her baton bag at school. Neither the baton bag or the inhaler should have been there, but she forgets everything. Tonight, she had left baton, and went to a game, and I got a call from her baton teacher (who I called at 11:30 last night in a panic, hoping she might know where my daughters baton bag was) saying she had left her purse there at baton, with her inhaler sitting right on top! Now, I don't really believe in killing your children, but I may change my way of thinking (just kidding). Anyways, I went to pick it up on the way to pick up my daughter, and talked with the teacher for awhile. Her husband said that what I need to start telling her is "that's just not like you, honey!" They said he had learned this at a business seminar--to use if you want to help a person change a bad habit.
So, I used that on her tonight--and would you believe she said--I know, I don't know what's wrong with me! I hardly ever forget anything really! She was serious! Now, this is the child that calls me everyday after she's on the bus, and down the road a bit to tell me of a very important something she has forgotten! Well--let's hope this works. I prefer to consider this as positive re-inforcement, rather than manipulation, thank you. I'm sorry to say, I've been very codie with my kids too!
Lyn
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Ohhhhhhhh yeah... I can spot 'em even if I can't see them. The trick for ME is to keep my mouth shut - Cuz like Smoke said, they don't always know that they are one... and they don't necessarily like to learn they are either LOL.
Meg
Meg
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 20
Oh, Meg, I hear you on this one.
Of course, this is all new to me and my initial reaction is EEEK, other people have KNOWN this about me and didn't tell me????
Oh well. I'm here now. I'm doing something now.
On another note, I've "seen the light" before, and managed to numb right back out again (relapse much?)...so I know I can become unaware if I don't stay grounded in the program.
God Bless,
AO
Of course, this is all new to me and my initial reaction is EEEK, other people have KNOWN this about me and didn't tell me????
Oh well. I'm here now. I'm doing something now.
On another note, I've "seen the light" before, and managed to numb right back out again (relapse much?)...so I know I can become unaware if I don't stay grounded in the program.
God Bless,
AO
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
It just stuck me as funny. ROFLOL!
LYN: "Is positive re-inforcement" like "Loving Observations?"....
Anyway, THANKS for the hint I am going to try that one tonight when my Granddaughter comes home....
As for the un-treted codie's out there in wonderland, I don't think any of them really see it the same way as I do..
A REALLY GOOD CODIE IS SOMEONE WHO GETS YOU A CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE YOU KNOW YOU EVEN WANT ONE....
God Bless.
LYN: "Is positive re-inforcement" like "Loving Observations?"....
Anyway, THANKS for the hint I am going to try that one tonight when my Granddaughter comes home....
As for the un-treted codie's out there in wonderland, I don't think any of them really see it the same way as I do..
A REALLY GOOD CODIE IS SOMEONE WHO GETS YOU A CUP OF COFFEE BEFORE YOU KNOW YOU EVEN WANT ONE....
God Bless.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
I also am codie-spotting as a hobbie nowadays. For some reason I mostly seem to see it in women. The ones I know just see it as being a good wife.
This part of a previous post made me laugh...
Today I was telling my boss about how I felt someone had done something the wrong way and I said "Now I may be a borderline control freak..." to which he immediately responded "Borderline?" and laughed.
I must have blushed every shade of red. I've only worked for him for six months!
This part of a previous post made me laugh...
my initial reaction is EEEK, other people have KNOWN this about me and didn't tell me????
I must have blushed every shade of red. I've only worked for him for six months!
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 12
Not to get into politics, but I think we are a codependent nation. Did anyone notice the public reaction after our initial warm welcome from the Iraqis turned cooler? First we 'save' them, then when they aren't properly grateful, we resent them.
But I see it all the time as well, quite often in my male coworkers who are dating or considering marriage. And I think that my women of my Mom's generation (she's 71 now) were taught that love = codependency. You're just an extension of your husband, your family, etc.
But I see it all the time as well, quite often in my male coworkers who are dating or considering marriage. And I think that my women of my Mom's generation (she's 71 now) were taught that love = codependency. You're just an extension of your husband, your family, etc.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
I think some of us conciously or unconciously try to win/buy peoples
with our codieness.
We do stuff for peoples so they will like us. Or so they wont be mad. Or so they wont yell at us. Or sometimes its because they lay a guilt trip on us. My Mom is a pro.
BTDT. I hate yelling so Im learning to be quietly assertive. I have to be careful tho.
The Huz says I have a mean sarcastic streak. LOL.
with our codieness.
We do stuff for peoples so they will like us. Or so they wont be mad. Or so they wont yell at us. Or sometimes its because they lay a guilt trip on us. My Mom is a pro.
BTDT. I hate yelling so Im learning to be quietly assertive. I have to be careful tho.
The Huz says I have a mean sarcastic streak. LOL.
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Yup, I can spot them a mile away. It's kinda like being in the twilight zone, where you're walking down the street and all the codies have a big, orange, glowing sign over their heads, but no one can see the signs but you. And of course, not all codies know they're walking around with a big orange sign over their heads! 
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