Is he really just a bad seed?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Posts: 142
Is he really just a bad seed?
My 22 year old has moved from smoking weed at 18 to shooting opiates for the past 3 years. He has been in jail 5 times, ruined 2 vehicles, drove through my garage twice, burned through his college fund on drugs, court costs, attorneys, probation etc, lost his driver's license and has been sleeping at some guys house that I would not let my dog sleep in. I have never seen such filth. He has been making making a little money working as a telemarketer, but the company is scamming people, taking their hard earned money.
His last stint in jail was due to stealing a credit card. Every time he has gotten busted, (stealing, forging checks, pills, pot, taking items to sell at a pawn shop that he had stolen), he has been adjucated, no feloney to date.
He was just adjucated for stealing the credit card in December and got probation. He was picked up yesterday for violating his probation and now will have to do the time as well as get the feloney classification.
Through all these years of his self-destruction, I have thought that it was the drugs, which cause him to lie, deceive, manipulate and do bad things. I am now beginning to wonder if it is not the drugs and just due to the fact that he is a bad seed. His father is an alcoholic, drug user and he is also a compulsive, pathological liar. I guess if you plant potatoes, you get potatoes.
His last stint in jail was due to stealing a credit card. Every time he has gotten busted, (stealing, forging checks, pills, pot, taking items to sell at a pawn shop that he had stolen), he has been adjucated, no feloney to date.
He was just adjucated for stealing the credit card in December and got probation. He was picked up yesterday for violating his probation and now will have to do the time as well as get the feloney classification.
Through all these years of his self-destruction, I have thought that it was the drugs, which cause him to lie, deceive, manipulate and do bad things. I am now beginning to wonder if it is not the drugs and just due to the fact that he is a bad seed. His father is an alcoholic, drug user and he is also a compulsive, pathological liar. I guess if you plant potatoes, you get potatoes.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Although there very well may be a genetic disposition to addiction, we all have choices. My son (foster son) came from a birth family where every single person was addicted to something. His birth sister died on Christmas day several years ago.
Yet knowing the risk, he chose to use drugs and even after getting clean many times (for as long as 3 years once) he chose to use again.
Bad seed? Personally I don't like the sound of that. He hated that he was an addict as much as I did.
I don't think addicts are bad people, I think they are sick people who do bad things.
I'm sorry your son struggles with addiction. Maybe this time getting some time and a felony conviction might just be what he needs to get clean in jail and see that there are consequences to his actions. Jail is not the worse place he could be.
Hugs to you and prayers for him.
Yet knowing the risk, he chose to use drugs and even after getting clean many times (for as long as 3 years once) he chose to use again.
Bad seed? Personally I don't like the sound of that. He hated that he was an addict as much as I did.
I don't think addicts are bad people, I think they are sick people who do bad things.
I'm sorry your son struggles with addiction. Maybe this time getting some time and a felony conviction might just be what he needs to get clean in jail and see that there are consequences to his actions. Jail is not the worse place he could be.
Hugs to you and prayers for him.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 217
Just another mom here who has been in the same situation as you. My heart goes out to you. I have a 23 year old son... Anything and everything that he could get caught for...he did. Rehabs, DWI, DUI, courts, lawyers, 47 days in jail, probation..etc. Found out six months ago he was shooting heroin. We put him on suboxone to help him because he refuses to go back to rehab. He has been staying out of trouble and just got his license back. He lives with his girlfriend. He came to see me last night and he doesnt look good...looks a bit skinny to me which would explain why he has been avoiding me..he's probably using again. A mother always knows. Interestingly enough...his father (my ex) is an alcoholic and pot smoker. I always wondered why he was so bonded to his father and not me. I believe that they party together quite a bit. He was always the cool dad and I was the nagging responsible mom. Bad seed...I wouldnt say that...but..is it in the blood...I would say definitely!
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
In My Opinion, no addict is beyond redemption. No mother is beyond hope.
My son was an addict and criminal.
He is 25 and has been sober almost two yrs. now.
It took long-term rehab in a therapeutic environment...but he is living life differently today.
I needed to be patient, hopeful and compassionate. May your son's turn come !!
My son was an addict and criminal.
He is 25 and has been sober almost two yrs. now.
It took long-term rehab in a therapeutic environment...but he is living life differently today.
I needed to be patient, hopeful and compassionate. May your son's turn come !!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Ann 
I don't think addicts are bad people, I think they are sick people who do bad things.
Sadly, once the addict has been engaging in what they need to do to feed their habit for a long time, we forget who they used to be, who they are inside. We only see the turmoil, the craziness, and the pain they inflict on us and themselves.
I think jail is the best place for him. He will have a roof, 3 squares a day, and time to think about his life.
My heart goes out to you.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
A child is not a seed - bad or otherwise.
A child is a gift from G*D
Every time.
G*D bless the child.
This is a poem that my mom asked my son,
a heroin addict,
to read at her memorial service.
Please *hear* it's meaning in your heart...
Lynette Combs
Virginia Beach, VirginiaMordern Maturity
August-September 1987
Clearly, my mom saw no "bad seed" in my son,
Her own beloved grandson.
And he's done what addicts do.
I, too, do not believe that attribute - not for a second.
My child, like yours, is a child of G*D.
Remember that.
Always.
Shalom!
A child is a gift from G*D
Every time.
G*D bless the child.
This is a poem that my mom asked my son,
a heroin addict,
to read at her memorial service.
Please *hear* it's meaning in your heart...
The Curse of Empathy
To see the curly-headed boy
in every derelict;
to wonder then what crippled him,
what hurt, or what neglect...
To see the child in every corpse
and every killer too
and understand the reasons
people act as people do...
It is the curse of empathy
to never be apart;
to be without the walls that guard
the spirit and the heart...
To find that even silence
is a clamor and a cry;
to be compelled to listen,
and to think, and wonder why.
It is the curse of empathy
to know, and comprehend;
to recognize what people are
and how their lives will end;
to see the heated argument
from every point of view...
To glimpse a child in every corpse,
and every killer too.
To see the curly-headed boy
in every derelict;
to wonder then what crippled him,
what hurt, or what neglect...
To see the child in every corpse
and every killer too
and understand the reasons
people act as people do...
It is the curse of empathy
to never be apart;
to be without the walls that guard
the spirit and the heart...
To find that even silence
is a clamor and a cry;
to be compelled to listen,
and to think, and wonder why.
It is the curse of empathy
to know, and comprehend;
to recognize what people are
and how their lives will end;
to see the heated argument
from every point of view...
To glimpse a child in every corpse,
and every killer too.
Virginia Beach, VirginiaMordern Maturity
August-September 1987
Clearly, my mom saw no "bad seed" in my son,
Her own beloved grandson.
And he's done what addicts do.
I, too, do not believe that attribute - not for a second.
My child, like yours, is a child of G*D.
Remember that.
Always.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Langley, BC
Posts: 1,007
Please hold out hope for your son........I'm sure he'll turn around. I was the female version of your son at his age - every line you wrote was what I did. In my addict-mind everyone hated me and if they didn't they would help me. It took me a long time to realize I had to help myself. What I wanted was to have people proud of me and be productive in society - what I did was the complete opposite. The whole time feeling miserable about what I was doing but felt unable to stop.
Don't give up on him - let him know you will in no way enable him, but that when he wants to stop - you'll always be there for him.
I have children now too - and pray they don't follow in my footsteps. I'm sorry you're going through this, hopefully he'll realize the life he has now isn't much of one - and do something to change it.
take care
Don't give up on him - let him know you will in no way enable him, but that when he wants to stop - you'll always be there for him.
I have children now too - and pray they don't follow in my footsteps. I'm sorry you're going through this, hopefully he'll realize the life he has now isn't much of one - and do something to change it.
take care
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
Originally Posted by Klynn33
Please hold out hope for your son........I'm sure he'll turn around. I was the female version of your son at his age - every line you wrote was what I did. In my addict-mind everyone hated me and if they didn't they would help me. It took me a long time to realize I had to help myself. What I wanted was to have people proud of me and be productive in society - what I did was the complete opposite. The whole time feeling miserable about what I was doing but felt unable to stop.
i like what ann said, addicts are not bad people but do bad things.
i agree, not a bad seed but a gift from god.
i'm a recovering addict and i don't think addiction defines who we are but what we've become.
you and your son are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
If a bad seed is DNA, then both of my adult children got a double dose, plus extra. DNA is in both seed and egg. My daughter is the recovering addict and her DOC is IV dilaudid.
I gave my daughter a ride to her suboxone doctor on Friday because her car was acting up. She and her pdoc suprised me when they invited me in for the medical portion of her visit. He and I were exchanging information and theories at a rapid fire pace, and I wish I could tell you how much I really like him.
Anyway, I told him I came to the conclusion both of my children and my husband and I are all dopamine deficient. I had looked at the substances all family members use/abuse, including grandparents etc, and saw a common denominator. Every single substance, used and abused by all our family members, stimulates dopamine from caffeine to opiates.
I always wondered why I felt a thousand times better, energetic even, when I had to take painkillers. I always wondered why I felt normal on Zyban every time I quit smoking. Nicotine is a dopamine stimulant and Zyban replaced it.
My husband and I have manageable dopamine deficiencies. Same thing with most family members. We know how to stimulate it ourselves and legally, though we haven't always known why. We've always known energy creates energy and exercise makes us feel great.
I tossed something out there to the pdoc about my pregnancies, how I did them by the book. Quit all caffeine, smoking, etc. I know I had to be dopamine deficient during pregnancy. Combined with my husbands genetics, did that make my children dopamine deficient x2? His answer was probably and he said it without hesitation. He said there's a lot of stuff we know now that we didn't know then. Two cups of coffee a day probably would have done me and my children a world of good.
Neither my daughter or I were upset by any of that conversation. It is what it is and it provided better understanding of how to treat her. Thankfully she's in a place where she wants that and your son will be in my prayers, that he wants recovery too.
Before I forget, I have to share something funny -- the pdoc and I were so excited and animated during this hour and half exchange. We were on the same wavelength and began to stray into other areas of dopamine deficiency, unrelated to my daughter. After several minutes of this, my daughter finally said "hey, I hate to interrupt but can we get back to me?" He and I both laughed at ourselves, a little embarrassed, and my daughter was shaking her head at us with one eyebrow raised
I gave my daughter a ride to her suboxone doctor on Friday because her car was acting up. She and her pdoc suprised me when they invited me in for the medical portion of her visit. He and I were exchanging information and theories at a rapid fire pace, and I wish I could tell you how much I really like him.
Anyway, I told him I came to the conclusion both of my children and my husband and I are all dopamine deficient. I had looked at the substances all family members use/abuse, including grandparents etc, and saw a common denominator. Every single substance, used and abused by all our family members, stimulates dopamine from caffeine to opiates.
I always wondered why I felt a thousand times better, energetic even, when I had to take painkillers. I always wondered why I felt normal on Zyban every time I quit smoking. Nicotine is a dopamine stimulant and Zyban replaced it.
My husband and I have manageable dopamine deficiencies. Same thing with most family members. We know how to stimulate it ourselves and legally, though we haven't always known why. We've always known energy creates energy and exercise makes us feel great.
I tossed something out there to the pdoc about my pregnancies, how I did them by the book. Quit all caffeine, smoking, etc. I know I had to be dopamine deficient during pregnancy. Combined with my husbands genetics, did that make my children dopamine deficient x2? His answer was probably and he said it without hesitation. He said there's a lot of stuff we know now that we didn't know then. Two cups of coffee a day probably would have done me and my children a world of good.
Neither my daughter or I were upset by any of that conversation. It is what it is and it provided better understanding of how to treat her. Thankfully she's in a place where she wants that and your son will be in my prayers, that he wants recovery too.
Before I forget, I have to share something funny -- the pdoc and I were so excited and animated during this hour and half exchange. We were on the same wavelength and began to stray into other areas of dopamine deficiency, unrelated to my daughter. After several minutes of this, my daughter finally said "hey, I hate to interrupt but can we get back to me?" He and I both laughed at ourselves, a little embarrassed, and my daughter was shaking her head at us with one eyebrow raised
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 217
Chino....I sooo enjoyed that story!! I remember when I took my son to his suboxone doctor for his very first visit..i felt so welcomed by this doctor. As a matter of fact, his attitude was how lucky my son was that he had someone who loved him that much to want to get involved with helping him. Him and I had a lenghthy conversation as well while my son sat and listened. I really enjoyed chatting with him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Algonquin il
Posts: 3
Bad seed or bad choices... don't know... been through the addiction part on my daughters side... year of lock down rehab... just reutrned hom (she is only 17)... this is the beginningof a new journey...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
