sosad09

Hello , I have been reading your words of wisdom for months now...thank you! I don't want to be long winded and yet don't know where to begin. My ex is /was an alcoholic and drug addict. He was supposed to propose on my birthday coming up in February. His parents gave him diamond earrings to turn into an engagement ring for me since he lost everything in his past do to his addictions. I am trying to move on. We like many others ( thanks, for sharing makes me feel normal) broke up and got together. Although, he sold the earrings , tried to transfer all of my bank account information etc.... I believed him when he said he wanted to get better,he went back to rehab and left and than I decided to take him up on getting married!!! I figured either we would work on this together or I would grow to hare him which I wanted because I had loved him since I was 17!!! I needed that to be gone and if theft and hurt didn't do it what would? so I planned a quick private wedding and than one day he calls acting distant and says "let go" and don't hold on to him....this meant I want my drinks more than you..yes, I know you would love me and we coulp be happy but I choose the other....hurts and its so embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a Christian and I think I confused my faith with my fantasy? Does that make sense?
I am now going on three months of ignoring calls and texts. He now sends me emails. He doesen't want me enough to change so why can'tt he leave me alone. It hurts soooooooo badly to hear from him and yet it hurts not too. I hate that I love him and miss him so much, especailly on weekends.

Live

Good for you for realizing that nothing significant had changed so that a future would only continue the hurt and become worse, because addiction is progressive and marriage complicates the bonding.
Great job for ignoring the calls and texts!
What would you like to be doing, what would you be doing IF you were over and free of this painful tie?
Perhaps, think about that and then do some playacting....act as IF this were already the case and act in faith that it will be, practice moving forward in your life and it will become real.

sosad09

Thank you for responding!! I am almost 32 but I feel like a baby....can't get a grip

Live

None of us can get a grip on someone else's addiction.
It is a tragedy and I know I came here broken from it.
I didn't say that what I suggested would be easy or that there isn't alot of healing in other ways and processes.

They do have a saying around here: Let go or be dragged. Ouch. It is so true.

I am sorry for your suffering, but do know there is hope!

Hugs, (hope, unity, gratitude, serenity)
Live

coffeedrinker

you can't let go because of the very powerful feelings attached to not only this man, but the hope in his metamorphosis, and in the fantasy that this was what God had planned for you. it's hard, hard stuff. but, although you are 32, you still have a broken heart and that feels like heII no matter what your age.

have you ever sent him a reply respectfully asking him to not contact you? i think this might stop him (might not) but for sure it will make you feel empowered. the adreneline might rush right before, during and after you do it, but i would suggest trying that

sosad09

I have asked him to stop and he does for about three days and than says "sorry to bother you..." you are the one i want someday....thinking about you, praying for you etc. He should get the message soon?

Live

If you stop reading them, they won't keep re-opening the wound and pulling at your heartstrings.

Do you journal?

TakingCharge999

block him, sosad... do you know how to block email addresses?

is there any counselor you can go to? have you read "the grief club" and "codie no more" by melody beattie? also "the language of letting go"... those are daily readings that keep you on the right track. al anon has helped many over here, too.

for others time may heal everything but when in touch with alcoholism i have found its not only time, also huge efforts, daily work and reminders to get your sanity back again....

you are not alone!

sosad09

Thank you for the book suggestions. I want to ignore and block emails and than I get scared or sad and think....what if the dies of an over dose and I don't read it and know his last words? Silly I know!!
I have just blocked him from my facebook.

barb dwyer

welcome, sosad.

it took me a LONG time to move on.

in fact, in the beginning ... I didn't want to 'move' at all.

it's good you're looking at what happened,
and are realizing that nothing has happened.

so maybe let your posting here... be your first 'move' in moving on.