Happy New Year
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Happy New Year
Each year I say the same thing and, that is, "this year has got to be better!"
I have been saying the same thing for the past 30+ years. The only difference for me these past couple of years is, they were better for me.
For the past few years, Mr. Dev and I have attended the "Gala NY's Eve" bash here at the local Casino. It's always really fun, beautifully decorated and a great band and the food is always exquisite! Not this year. Food was bad, so was the band. But that's not why I'm posting.
January 1, 2010, bright and early 7:00 AM, the phone rings. I no sooner said Hello, when the yelling and screaming started. Yep, the son was on one of his rampages! He was screaming in the phone about this guy about 65 years old that the gf knows had made a pass at her! She, in turn, asked him to please not talk that way! Whatever!
OK, so I saw this as an excuse for the son to rage and threaten to leave! I was furious. I was furious that he called and woke me at 7:00 in the morning and was trying to drag me in on his chaos!
I told his butt off good, and he hung up on me! Next the gf calls crying saying he is threatening to leave. My advice to her was, help him pack! Let me leave! Lock the door after him! He got on the phone and I told him to act like a man, leave and leave quietly!
I said "how dare you call our home at this time in the morning, on NY's Day and ruin the beginning of yet another new year!" Don't you ever call my house again unless you have good news! I told him I would not allow him to do that ever again. Then I hung up on him! Guess he didn't like being hung up on. Later he called again, and before he could say one word, I said "I have nothing to say to you" AND HUNG UP!
He called and left a message saying how sorry he was and how wrong he was to do this. He said it was not his idea to call me, but the gf's!
Later the next day he called and I took the call. I told him I didn't care who's idea it was to call and try to suck me in on the chaos, but it stops now! I also said I suspected his rage was brought on by drugs! To which he denied, of course.
Anyway, he has threatened to leave her before, and he always gets a rise out of her. I told her the next time he does that, help him get out! He'll stop real fast because he knows he cannot come back here!
I know him so well now. I know everything he is going to do or say to push buttoms. He never gets a rise out of me when he threatens to leave the state or whatever. I tell him do what you have to do, just do it quietly! Makes him so mad when he can't get to me.
Anyway, things have been fine since the 1st. He has a new parole officer and this one doesn't seem "crazy" for me! LOL This one means business!! That's a good thing.
One thing my son complained about was his good friend, who he was in prison with, and who has completely turned his life around, will not return his calls. I told him you know why he won't. It's because he doesn't want to waste his time with people who are not serious about their recovery! YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS! YOU KEEP SLIPPING OFF THE WAGON!
Yep, unfortunately, I know he is still using. Not as much, but what's the difference how much. The fact is he is still using, but hasn't gotten caught!
Just a matter of time.
Anyway, happy New Year to all. Stay strong, stay focused on all the good things we have in our lives!
Hugs, Devastated
I have been saying the same thing for the past 30+ years. The only difference for me these past couple of years is, they were better for me.
For the past few years, Mr. Dev and I have attended the "Gala NY's Eve" bash here at the local Casino. It's always really fun, beautifully decorated and a great band and the food is always exquisite! Not this year. Food was bad, so was the band. But that's not why I'm posting.
January 1, 2010, bright and early 7:00 AM, the phone rings. I no sooner said Hello, when the yelling and screaming started. Yep, the son was on one of his rampages! He was screaming in the phone about this guy about 65 years old that the gf knows had made a pass at her! She, in turn, asked him to please not talk that way! Whatever!
OK, so I saw this as an excuse for the son to rage and threaten to leave! I was furious. I was furious that he called and woke me at 7:00 in the morning and was trying to drag me in on his chaos!
I told his butt off good, and he hung up on me! Next the gf calls crying saying he is threatening to leave. My advice to her was, help him pack! Let me leave! Lock the door after him! He got on the phone and I told him to act like a man, leave and leave quietly!
I said "how dare you call our home at this time in the morning, on NY's Day and ruin the beginning of yet another new year!" Don't you ever call my house again unless you have good news! I told him I would not allow him to do that ever again. Then I hung up on him! Guess he didn't like being hung up on. Later he called again, and before he could say one word, I said "I have nothing to say to you" AND HUNG UP!
He called and left a message saying how sorry he was and how wrong he was to do this. He said it was not his idea to call me, but the gf's!
Later the next day he called and I took the call. I told him I didn't care who's idea it was to call and try to suck me in on the chaos, but it stops now! I also said I suspected his rage was brought on by drugs! To which he denied, of course.
Anyway, he has threatened to leave her before, and he always gets a rise out of her. I told her the next time he does that, help him get out! He'll stop real fast because he knows he cannot come back here!
I know him so well now. I know everything he is going to do or say to push buttoms. He never gets a rise out of me when he threatens to leave the state or whatever. I tell him do what you have to do, just do it quietly! Makes him so mad when he can't get to me.
Anyway, things have been fine since the 1st. He has a new parole officer and this one doesn't seem "crazy" for me! LOL This one means business!! That's a good thing.
One thing my son complained about was his good friend, who he was in prison with, and who has completely turned his life around, will not return his calls. I told him you know why he won't. It's because he doesn't want to waste his time with people who are not serious about their recovery! YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS! YOU KEEP SLIPPING OFF THE WAGON!
Yep, unfortunately, I know he is still using. Not as much, but what's the difference how much. The fact is he is still using, but hasn't gotten caught!
Just a matter of time.
Anyway, happy New Year to all. Stay strong, stay focused on all the good things we have in our lives!
Hugs, Devastated
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Happy New Year, dear Dev 
Well, now, your son may not have changed but YOU sure have my friend and I'm sitting here reading your post and cheering you on..."Atta girl, Dev!" "Tell him you WON'T listen to that!!" and "Don't let him come hooooome!" and you already did all the right things so my yelling was futile.
Except Mr. Ann heard me cheering you on and came to make sure it was just one of my "friends" here and not a neighbour
Life is about as happy as we choose to make it, and I'd say that 2010 is the year we both start kicking up our heels and having tons of fun.
Who knew that two neurotic mama's who used to plan every move based on what our sons did or didn't do...who knew that one day we could let it all fly into the universe and find a much better way to spend our time. Sure do love this recovery thing.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love (to Mr. Dev. too)
Well, now, your son may not have changed but YOU sure have my friend and I'm sitting here reading your post and cheering you on..."Atta girl, Dev!" "Tell him you WON'T listen to that!!" and "Don't let him come hooooome!" and you already did all the right things so my yelling was futile.
Except Mr. Ann heard me cheering you on and came to make sure it was just one of my "friends" here and not a neighbour
Life is about as happy as we choose to make it, and I'd say that 2010 is the year we both start kicking up our heels and having tons of fun.
Who knew that two neurotic mama's who used to plan every move based on what our sons did or didn't do...who knew that one day we could let it all fly into the universe and find a much better way to spend our time. Sure do love this recovery thing.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love (to Mr. Dev. too)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 49
Happy New Year! Way to go Dev! Congrats on staying strong!
We had wonderfully quiet holiday, due to the fact that both AD and her bio-mom (my cousin) were in jail. AD got released on Monday and her drama is already in full force.
We had some reasonable conversations while she was in jail. I let her know that I was done enabling and wasn't going to let her addiction and the lies and drama that go with it cause any more harm to me or her dad and brother. She said she understood and knew she had screwed up, but was working her program and looking forward to a new begining. I was hopeful that she had turned a corner.
When she was released she went straight back to her old boyfriend and friends. I finally got a phone call on Friday with all the same BS as before. She was trying to push all my buttons and trying to guilt me into giving her money, a ride...etc. and got really angry that it wasn't working. She even implied that if she violated her probation that it would be my fault for not helping her. She really flipped out when I told her that when I had helped her before it actually hurt her more than it helped.
I am getting so much better at saying no and letting hurtful words go in one ear and out the other.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories, advice and your support! I has helped me more than I can tell you.
We had wonderfully quiet holiday, due to the fact that both AD and her bio-mom (my cousin) were in jail. AD got released on Monday and her drama is already in full force.
We had some reasonable conversations while she was in jail. I let her know that I was done enabling and wasn't going to let her addiction and the lies and drama that go with it cause any more harm to me or her dad and brother. She said she understood and knew she had screwed up, but was working her program and looking forward to a new begining. I was hopeful that she had turned a corner.
When she was released she went straight back to her old boyfriend and friends. I finally got a phone call on Friday with all the same BS as before. She was trying to push all my buttons and trying to guilt me into giving her money, a ride...etc. and got really angry that it wasn't working. She even implied that if she violated her probation that it would be my fault for not helping her. She really flipped out when I told her that when I had helped her before it actually hurt her more than it helped.
I am getting so much better at saying no and letting hurtful words go in one ear and out the other.
Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories, advice and your support! I has helped me more than I can tell you.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Each yr. can be better when we learn to get " older and wiser " and not just older.
I have set a new yrs. resolution to have a love affair with my very own.
Mr. Spiritual Seeker.
I've decided to be more loving, appreciative , accepting and show admiration.
And what do ya know, I am getting the same shown back to me .
Funny how this works. Glad I've figured this one out.
Glad to here your yrs. are getting better too Dev.
"We are as happy as we make up our minds to be."
I have set a new yrs. resolution to have a love affair with my very own.
Mr. Spiritual Seeker.
I've decided to be more loving, appreciative , accepting and show admiration.
And what do ya know, I am getting the same shown back to me .
Funny how this works. Glad I've figured this one out.
Glad to here your yrs. are getting better too Dev.
"We are as happy as we make up our minds to be."
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Ann, poor Mr. Ann he must be a nervous wreck all the time hearing you ranting and raving at that computer! Mr. Dev, on the other hand, is afraid to even come around when I do that ranting 'cause who knows it very well may been that noisy mailman again! LOL
Recovery does feel good! I'm glad we finally reached that point. Afterall, how many "crack houses" can a mom go to threatening to kick everyone's butts!! LOL
How many times can a mom threaten a warden when her son's magazines don't get delivered in a timely fashion?? LOL
Yep, those days are gone and thank goodness we lived through them. Besides, I couldn't go to a pawn shop now and pick up a compressor and throw it in the car, like I use to in those days. LOL
Spirtual Seeker, good for you! You enjoy Mr. Spirtual Seeker. I am very happy that you know the secret of enjoying one's life.
Chenowth, don't you love it when blame you for their failures? I remember a time when I would cry about that junk! If my son said hurtful things to me now, I laugh and agree with everything he says!
I am sorry that your daughter isn't ready for recovery yet. However, you are doing her a great service by letting her make her own choices, and not stopping her from doing exactly what she wants to do. Hopefully, this way she'll figure out recovery faster!
We can only pray.
Love you guys
Devastated
Recovery does feel good! I'm glad we finally reached that point. Afterall, how many "crack houses" can a mom go to threatening to kick everyone's butts!! LOL
How many times can a mom threaten a warden when her son's magazines don't get delivered in a timely fashion?? LOL
Yep, those days are gone and thank goodness we lived through them. Besides, I couldn't go to a pawn shop now and pick up a compressor and throw it in the car, like I use to in those days. LOL
Spirtual Seeker, good for you! You enjoy Mr. Spirtual Seeker. I am very happy that you know the secret of enjoying one's life.
Chenowth, don't you love it when blame you for their failures? I remember a time when I would cry about that junk! If my son said hurtful things to me now, I laugh and agree with everything he says!
I am sorry that your daughter isn't ready for recovery yet. However, you are doing her a great service by letting her make her own choices, and not stopping her from doing exactly what she wants to do. Hopefully, this way she'll figure out recovery faster!
We can only pray.
Love you guys
Devastated
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