First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
First Post
Hi everyone,
I been lurking around this site for some time now and just want to say thanks to all that post here, it has helped me in so many ways.
I'm 54 and started drinking at 16, my life started spiraling downward about 2 years ago, drinking every night after work and on weekends I was drunk from Friday night thru Sunday night and every vacation was just one big drunk. I new I had to do something about my drinking I just wish I would have started earlier, there was so many wake up calls in my life like, my wife of 28 years telling me to slow down my drinking and can't you just have a couple, my job of 29 years, I'm still wondering why I still have it, the 2 DUI I got and should have been a lot more and I can go on and on.
On 2/25/09 I went into detox for 3 days and then into 25 days inpatient, I new I could not do this on my own and was the best thing I did in my hole Life, as soon as I got out it was right into AA meeting which helped a lot at first and still go from time to time to clear my head, but AA is just not for me all the time, I do believe in a HP.
So my questions are if I might ask is, These Addict Voices that try to trick me into drinking again will they last my hole life? I just thank God the tools I learned in rehab to help me and this site I can come to so I can understand them a little bit better. And the activities I used to love and do like fishing/hunting/camping will they every come back to me or is this the new me? I feel like I worked so hard for the this new life and I want my old fun things to come back without the alcohol and I want it NOW!!! I just don't have any passion for them now. I quest you can call it I'm in my comfort zone right now, I work Monday thru Friday and on my weekends I work on my sobriety and maybe go to a meeting or just work around the house, I feel safe now. Please don't get me wrong I know this is not a easy journey as all of you know and I just love the new me but one day I'm going to have to venture out and I'm sure my wife is going to want to go on vacation some time LOL. Maybe I should get back into AA more and work harder at the 12 steps and it will all come into place one day. And maybe I just answers my own question.. But I do know for sure of one thing is I'm glad I'm free of booze and I'm sure glad I found you guys....
I been lurking around this site for some time now and just want to say thanks to all that post here, it has helped me in so many ways.
I'm 54 and started drinking at 16, my life started spiraling downward about 2 years ago, drinking every night after work and on weekends I was drunk from Friday night thru Sunday night and every vacation was just one big drunk. I new I had to do something about my drinking I just wish I would have started earlier, there was so many wake up calls in my life like, my wife of 28 years telling me to slow down my drinking and can't you just have a couple, my job of 29 years, I'm still wondering why I still have it, the 2 DUI I got and should have been a lot more and I can go on and on.
On 2/25/09 I went into detox for 3 days and then into 25 days inpatient, I new I could not do this on my own and was the best thing I did in my hole Life, as soon as I got out it was right into AA meeting which helped a lot at first and still go from time to time to clear my head, but AA is just not for me all the time, I do believe in a HP.
So my questions are if I might ask is, These Addict Voices that try to trick me into drinking again will they last my hole life? I just thank God the tools I learned in rehab to help me and this site I can come to so I can understand them a little bit better. And the activities I used to love and do like fishing/hunting/camping will they every come back to me or is this the new me? I feel like I worked so hard for the this new life and I want my old fun things to come back without the alcohol and I want it NOW!!! I just don't have any passion for them now. I quest you can call it I'm in my comfort zone right now, I work Monday thru Friday and on my weekends I work on my sobriety and maybe go to a meeting or just work around the house, I feel safe now. Please don't get me wrong I know this is not a easy journey as all of you know and I just love the new me but one day I'm going to have to venture out and I'm sure my wife is going to want to go on vacation some time LOL. Maybe I should get back into AA more and work harder at the 12 steps and it will all come into place one day. And maybe I just answers my own question.. But I do know for sure of one thing is I'm glad I'm free of booze and I'm sure glad I found you guys....
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
These Addict Voices that try to trick me into drinking again will they last my hole life?
Hi, I'm Barb. Welcome to SR!
I think, with people 'our' age,
we don't realize that more than half of our long lives
have been centered around alcohol.
Now,
at this age,
starting out in a new direction -
of course we worry that
we're gonna be tensed up
resisting drinking for the rest of our days.
As if we'll be walking around all clenched up
hands in fists, legs stiff with the effort of
trying to find something else to think about.
Hell - that's why so MANY people won't stop in the first place!
But it isn't like that, hon.
I can tell you without a doubt -
that those thoughts, impulses, and feelings fade.
So do the 'lies of need' as I once called 'em.
Then they pass.
But you have to COMMIT to being 'recovered'
and learning what a sober life *is*
putting at least as much energy into being sober
as you did to drinking.
If you can do that -
and keep doing it -
you've literally been given the opportunity to
do it all over again.
Are you going to involve yourself in a program of recovery?
I ask because it's far easier
to do this
re-write your Book Of Life
when you're doint it alongside others
who completely understand
and want to help.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi and Welcome,
Congratulations on your sobriety, you've come a long way!
It's possible that you might be depressed. You've been sober 11 months, and if you're still feeling down, it could be that your dr might be able to help you. It's something to think about.
Could it be that the activities hunting/fishing/camping that you used to do, are associated with drinking, and that's why you don't care for them now? Maybe it's time to try something different?
I'm glad you found us and that you're seeking support.
Congratulations on your sobriety, you've come a long way!
It's possible that you might be depressed. You've been sober 11 months, and if you're still feeling down, it could be that your dr might be able to help you. It's something to think about.
Could it be that the activities hunting/fishing/camping that you used to do, are associated with drinking, and that's why you don't care for them now? Maybe it's time to try something different?
I'm glad you found us and that you're seeking support.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
As far as the camping thing -
that would also depend.
I mean - we can do absolutely ANYTHING ... when we make it our intention.
But if you went caping
as an excuse to drink
lots of people do -
go get all liquored up out at deer camp
liek they're getting away with something...
then you might have a bit more trouble
than someone who
went camping in order to paint.
See what I'm saying?
If you were of the first type-
yeah, it might be a while before you can go out
without being triggered.
If you're surrounded by folks in recovery -
it may/may not be a problem.
Rebuilding a life - takes time.
One brick at a time.
that would also depend.
I mean - we can do absolutely ANYTHING ... when we make it our intention.
But if you went caping
as an excuse to drink
lots of people do -
go get all liquored up out at deer camp
liek they're getting away with something...
then you might have a bit more trouble
than someone who
went camping in order to paint.
See what I'm saying?
If you were of the first type-
yeah, it might be a while before you can go out
without being triggered.
If you're surrounded by folks in recovery -
it may/may not be a problem.
Rebuilding a life - takes time.
One brick at a time.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Congrats. I lurked for a long time myself before posting. After being introduced to recovery, I thought "what took me so long".
"I'm going to have to venture out and I'm sure my wife is going to want to go on vacation some time LOL. Maybe I should get back into AA more and work harder at the 12 steps"
I had that same idea. My whole first year I thought the exact same thing "I'm far from being able to go on vacation". Now half way into year two, I know I can have an awsome sober vacation. I'm probably not quite ready to move tho. a geographical move would be the next thing to be sure I'd be okay doing.
AA has been so kind to me that I'm glad I gave it a chance. Any ill conceived notion I had about it went out the window rather quickly. AA has changed with me. Like a marriage, it has ups and downs. but, I'm still committed to it. AA doesn't change. Our perception of it does. Give it time. give it a chance. Then if given a proper try, it's not for you. Then give something else a chance.
I think you're on the right path. It sounds like you're on your way. That's pretty cool. Mainly because I know the gifts you'll receive and that your life will be better than you've ever imagined it could be.
"I'm going to have to venture out and I'm sure my wife is going to want to go on vacation some time LOL. Maybe I should get back into AA more and work harder at the 12 steps"
I had that same idea. My whole first year I thought the exact same thing "I'm far from being able to go on vacation". Now half way into year two, I know I can have an awsome sober vacation. I'm probably not quite ready to move tho. a geographical move would be the next thing to be sure I'd be okay doing.
AA has been so kind to me that I'm glad I gave it a chance. Any ill conceived notion I had about it went out the window rather quickly. AA has changed with me. Like a marriage, it has ups and downs. but, I'm still committed to it. AA doesn't change. Our perception of it does. Give it time. give it a chance. Then if given a proper try, it's not for you. Then give something else a chance.
I think you're on the right path. It sounds like you're on your way. That's pretty cool. Mainly because I know the gifts you'll receive and that your life will be better than you've ever imagined it could be.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad you decided to de-lurk
Welcome to our recovery community....
My AA home group has a lot of people doing
outdoor activities have you found that true in yours?
Blessings to you and your wife.
Welcome to our recovery community....
My AA home group has a lot of people doing
outdoor activities have you found that true in yours?
Blessings to you and your wife.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
Welcome Roadr!
Those "voices" are an indication of how insidious, cunning and baffling this illness is. Alcohol looks for every vulnerable opportunity to strike and take you back into its grip.
The committee in your head (voices) needs to be fired when things happen that make you vulnerable. Reach into that toolbox and use what you've already learned to help you. If you haven't found the right tool yet, connect with others who are sober and can offer suggestions.
The first year is tough, which is why it's recommended that no major changes be made during this time (geographical moves, relationships, jobs, etc).
AA isn't for everyone. I felt the same as you. People told me to try at least 4 meetings before I completely ditched the idea. I'm glad I did. Trying those different meetings gave me the chance to find the one meeting where I felt the most comfortable at.
Look forward to hearing more from you. And whatever you do, keep a direct line open to your HP! ;-)
Take care ~~
Hb
Those "voices" are an indication of how insidious, cunning and baffling this illness is. Alcohol looks for every vulnerable opportunity to strike and take you back into its grip.
The committee in your head (voices) needs to be fired when things happen that make you vulnerable. Reach into that toolbox and use what you've already learned to help you. If you haven't found the right tool yet, connect with others who are sober and can offer suggestions.
The first year is tough, which is why it's recommended that no major changes be made during this time (geographical moves, relationships, jobs, etc).
AA isn't for everyone. I felt the same as you. People told me to try at least 4 meetings before I completely ditched the idea. I'm glad I did. Trying those different meetings gave me the chance to find the one meeting where I felt the most comfortable at.
Look forward to hearing more from you. And whatever you do, keep a direct line open to your HP! ;-)
Take care ~~
Hb
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
AA isn't for everyone! I went to AA and worked the step etc...now i can go where i want and do what i want, i don't have voices in my head, am not worried about going on holiday etc...i do know someone who hasn't drunk for 9 years he just avoids all the stuff he used to do, stays in his home town, and has gotten used to the voices and IMO he has a better life that when he used to be drunk everyday and so does his family, if that is enough for him who am i to knock it?! He is early sixties so i guess he stopped at mid fifties? I don't know i do wonder about him actually, he seems to have this kind of attitude of not long to go now kind of thing...almost expect his last breath to say at least i didn't go to AA lol
Thinking about it maybe you should get down to a few meetings again and investigate with an open mind? Get back to the old hobbies and enjoy life to it's fullest...up to you i guess...hope to hear more about what you intend to do:-)
Thinking about it maybe you should get down to a few meetings again and investigate with an open mind? Get back to the old hobbies and enjoy life to it's fullest...up to you i guess...hope to hear more about what you intend to do:-)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 274
I just love you guys, Thanks everyone for the warm welcome, I see so much support on this board and I'm very grateful to be here....
Barb, Your so right, I'm going to have to get more involve in my program of recovery, I just have to have someone kick me now and then, you think at my age I would have seen this. So I'm going get myself back into AA and get more involved.. But I'm going to hold you to this one Barb..
"I can tell you without a doubt -
that those thoughts, impulses, and feelings fade.
So do the 'lies of need' as I once called 'em.
Then they pass."
Thanks Barb
Ann, I just love you.. I'v read so many of your posts and you have been a inspirational in my recovery... And Yes, I have been thinking for some time now about being depressed and I'm going to the doc next month for my check up and will bring this up. I did have a death in the family right after i got out of rehab, he was my best friend and I do miss him.... And maybe it's time to try something different in my activities too.. Thanks
Alizerin, Thanks for the kick in the butt, Yes i'm going back to AA and give it time and I know my answers are there..
Many thanks to all...
Barb, Your so right, I'm going to have to get more involve in my program of recovery, I just have to have someone kick me now and then, you think at my age I would have seen this. So I'm going get myself back into AA and get more involved.. But I'm going to hold you to this one Barb..
"I can tell you without a doubt -
that those thoughts, impulses, and feelings fade.
So do the 'lies of need' as I once called 'em.
Then they pass."
Thanks Barb
Ann, I just love you.. I'v read so many of your posts and you have been a inspirational in my recovery... And Yes, I have been thinking for some time now about being depressed and I'm going to the doc next month for my check up and will bring this up. I did have a death in the family right after i got out of rehab, he was my best friend and I do miss him.... And maybe it's time to try something different in my activities too.. Thanks
Alizerin, Thanks for the kick in the butt, Yes i'm going back to AA and give it time and I know my answers are there..
Many thanks to all...
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
*holding*
LOL!
When I got sober - there wasn't one aspect of my life that wasn't sodden with booze.
I had lost everything.
So I had it easy, in a way - because there was nothing left for me.
I had no one left to turn to, and Noplace else to go but AA.
The Program saved me.
My advice -
SATURATE yourself in recovery.
That's what I did.
I put every aspect of my life
as I managed to rebuild it, that is...
with recovery in the center.
LOL!
When I got sober - there wasn't one aspect of my life that wasn't sodden with booze.
I had lost everything.
So I had it easy, in a way - because there was nothing left for me.
I had no one left to turn to, and Noplace else to go but AA.
The Program saved me.
My advice -
SATURATE yourself in recovery.
That's what I did.
I put every aspect of my life
as I managed to rebuild it, that is...
with recovery in the center.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome to the family, Roadr! Congratulations on your new life. It definitely does all get better as you go along - I promise. (I just made 2 yrs. sober.) You're learning to live again in a new way. I was a mess at first, not happy or joyful. Slowly the hope and happiness came back into my life. After all, I was like you - longterm drinker and "older" when I finally saw the light. Some things, I had never experienced sober.
Someone said on here recently that when we're kids, we have a natural high/happy feeling all the time - we're excited about life and we don't need anything to enhance that feeling. We don't start out needing a substance to enjoy things. I allowed alcohol to suck the life out of me for decades & it did feel strange without it for the first year or so. I focused on what I thought I was loosing, rather than what I'd be gaining.
I'm so glad you are here with us. Looking forward to hearing more about your recovery.
Someone said on here recently that when we're kids, we have a natural high/happy feeling all the time - we're excited about life and we don't need anything to enhance that feeling. We don't start out needing a substance to enjoy things. I allowed alcohol to suck the life out of me for decades & it did feel strange without it for the first year or so. I focused on what I thought I was loosing, rather than what I'd be gaining.
I'm so glad you are here with us. Looking forward to hearing more about your recovery.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Roadr
There's been some pretty good experience and advice here
I just wanted to add briefly:
I could have never planned the life I have now. cos most of the stuff I have is things I didn't know I wanted...I'm free from the power of the voice, and I'm happy with my life as it is...but still always aiming to make it, and me, better
3 years ago I never dreamed I could do any of this...
Good luck - and welcome to SR
D
There's been some pretty good experience and advice here
I just wanted to add briefly:
I could have never planned the life I have now. cos most of the stuff I have is things I didn't know I wanted...I'm free from the power of the voice, and I'm happy with my life as it is...but still always aiming to make it, and me, better
3 years ago I never dreamed I could do any of this...
Good luck - and welcome to SR
D
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi Roadr and welcome,
This is what it says in the Big Book of AA, p84. I have put in bold text the parts which I think refer to your question above.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we aftraid. That is our experience. This is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
I think you can see from responses from people in this thread that these promises are fulfilled when working the 12 steps.
You say AA has helped and you believe in a HP. You have had a good period of being sober. I think you are just ready for the next stage of your recovery. Recovery is about growth, every single day.
Checking out different meetings is a great suggestion. Finding a good sponsor who knows the Steps and working them is essential for those promises to be realised. You can have that obsession from alcohol removed.
This site is an amazing resource. I hope we see you posting here as much as you are reading.
Keep in touch.
Originally Posted by Roadr440 
So my questions are if I might ask is, These Addict Voices that try to trick me into drinking again will they last my hole life?
This is what it says in the Big Book of AA, p84. I have put in bold text the parts which I think refer to your question above.
"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we aftraid. That is our experience. This is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition."
I think you can see from responses from people in this thread that these promises are fulfilled when working the 12 steps.
You say AA has helped and you believe in a HP. You have had a good period of being sober. I think you are just ready for the next stage of your recovery. Recovery is about growth, every single day.
Checking out different meetings is a great suggestion. Finding a good sponsor who knows the Steps and working them is essential for those promises to be realised. You can have that obsession from alcohol removed.
This site is an amazing resource. I hope we see you posting here as much as you are reading.
Keep in touch.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
AA isn't for everyone! I went to AA and worked the step etc...now i can go where i want and do what i want, i don't have voices in my head, am not worried about going on holiday etc...i do know someone who hasn't drunk for 9 years he just avoids all the stuff he used to do, stays in his home town, and has gotten used to the voices and IMO he has a better life that when he used to be drunk everyday and so does his family, if that is enough for him who am i to knock it?!
Different ways work for different people. I just know what I would prefer.
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