Chino

My daughter's former BF, the one who introduced her to IV drugs, got out of prison last week after 8 months. I noticed her behavior and moods changed dramatically -- for the better. She's a lot more motivated and it reminded me of that article I posted the other day about self control being contagious. Still, I hope she'll work on codie issues someday.

He called me yesterday, first apologizing for the call. He asked if we could meet sometime and try to repair our relationship. I told him I was open to that and would get back with him. What I plan on telling him is that the only relationship we've had is one of addiction with all it's chaos. That the only way to repair anything is to start over and with very clear boundaries, consequences.

Anyway, he is clean and sounds crystal clear. I've never heard him like this before. It wasn't his words I paid attention to as much as the clarity of thought. His speech and sentence structure was a thousand times better.

We'll see what happens as time goes by. One day at a time and only what I'm comfortable with, while continuing to work my recovery

Ann

Your eyes are wide open, your vision is perfectly clear. There is nothing to misunderstand here, he will remain clean or he will not. One is acceptable and one is not if he wants a relationship with you.

I think your compassion is remarkable and will keep this young man in my prayers. He has done his time and deserves a second chance at life. What he does with that chance is up to him.

Hugs

cece1960

Amen to that.

Chino

I'm coming up on the anniversary of the day I fully grasped the concept of forgiveness, and it was he who taught me what it means. I didn't want to pray for him but realized as I prayed for her and all addicts, it included him as well. With the Creator as my witness, I wish all addicts a better life and one filled with joy.

cece1960

That just warms my heart Chino. I was once mad at the world for what my son had become, but you know what? That young man could be my son someday. I would hope that he could find people in his life that can forgive...like you.

greeteachday

it was a former boyfriend who introduced my daughter to heroin, Chino, and although I never stayed in touch with him and didn't know it was him until he was no longer in the area, I had a tough time working through my feelings to come to compassion. I realized reading your post that I have not worked through it with her once best friend who used with her and created drama the night she went back out and overdosed (yes I know in my heart, she did not make her use, but I haven't truly accepted that nor forgiven her for many things, some probably not even of her making) Your post has helped me look at this and see some more work I need to do. Thank you.

My prayers that he continues to choose to maintain clarity.

devastated

I totally agree with Ann. Especially when she talks about your compassion!

You are a far better woman than I. I know I could never be as understanding to him as you are. God love you, honey 'cause you are willing to give him another chance.

Hugs, Devastated

Spiritual Seeker

A meeting with him may very well let both of you put into practice some of the lessons you are learning.

We never know who our teachers will be. Often those we least expect.

Insulated

You don't owe him anything. Have you given thought to how uncomplicated and peaceful your life has been without him in the picture? If he truly wants to make a mends, let him write it in a letter and mail it. I've been to enough funerals in three years from addicts that were in prison for months at a time and died within 6 months of reentering society. I just don't trust it. They have a tendancy to be invited by some "welcoming committee" after release. And these people are the very ones that influence him and the cycle returns. Let him be out a good 6 months and see what happens.

Chino

I know I owe him nothing. I feel compelled to give him another chance because of all the recovering addicts here on this forum and elsewhere. He is my daughter. He is Impurrfect and anvilhead. He is Jason from the addiction forum and he is Jason's dad, may he RIP. He is greets daughter, and Ann's son. He is every addict. He is me, though I'm not an illegal drug addict. He is every bad choice I've ever made.

Anyone that wants another chance at life, I am happy to embrace it and hope for the best.

Lenina

((((Chino))))

That is a beautiful thought. Thank you. I gave my brother another chance and he hasn't let me down yet. I'm so proud of him. He has worked steadily and is taking care of his family. It's been over ten years now and he's still doing well.

Love,

Lenina

Impurrfect

(((Chino))) - thank you. SR has opened my eyes, so much. When I see an addict on the streets, I often wonder if their family is someone here. I've always been a compassionate person, but my addiction and codie recovery, and the wonderful people I've met here, have made me even more so.

I think what you are doing is wonderful, and as know that you are going into this with your boundaries in place. Compassion and boundaries....can't get much better than that.

Love, hugs and prayers!

Amy

MsPINKAcres

Absolutely beautiful -

thank you for sharing such healthy compassion!!


HUGS,
Rita

teke

i think you are a very compassionate person too. thanks for your post. like impurrfect said, you do have your boundaries in place, he may have introduced your daughter to that life but it was her choice that got her there.

i'm grateful my family gave me a second chance and i'm sure he will be too.