jcfollower

My boyfriend's mom refuses to attend Alanon...she's in her 70's, was married to an alcoholic for 50 or so years, and has four adult children, three of which have problems with addiction. My BF's therapist told her about the importance of going, but she still refuses. I posted before about how she has insisted he live with her because she fronted the $$ and is covering his current living expenses 'til he gets back on his feet. I don't understand why she paid for his rehab if she's willing to jeopardize his recovery. They fight like cats and dogs! SO...I was hoping some of you might have some wisdom or insight into how I might try to talk her into going with me--all I can come up with is that it'll give her a chance to express herself and hopefully give her some breathing room...I was going to ask her to so I don't have to go alone, which isn't really truly a concern of mine, but I was afraid that might be manipulative. Of course I realize that whatEVER I say, I can't make her go. Going to go pray about it!

nodaybut2day

Hi there...just as you can't coax an alcoholic into rehab, you cannot coax a codependent/enabler to Al-Anon. Codependents like your boyfriend's mother are just as addicted as the people they enable; they're just addicted to people, or to their drama. The best you can do is give her the literature, offer to take her to a meeting and then...let HP take care of it.

I was told about Al-Anon back in July last year by a social worker, but I just wasn't ready to hear it or to go.

A few months later, I think I was at my "bottom" and I found SR. Then I was ready.

transformyself

Tell her not to go. Forbid it.

Seriously, maybe you can just be a living example of the freedom offered by the program.

MissFixit

You can't.

You might give her One Day at a Time or Courage to Change. You could invite her to join you, but other than that...she is an adult and it is HER decision.

I didn't go when people suggested it to me. I dragged my teary eyed self there 2 years after it was suggested that I go. It was my 2nd attempt at going.

Good Luck

husbandofacoa

As the others have said here tonight, you can't talk anyone into going to alanon. I am the only member of my extremely disfunctional family that will go. The others won't go until they hit their own bottom. It is obvious that their bottom is way, way deeper than mine.

Take care of you that's all you can do.

jcfollower

Thanks to all of you for keeping me straight!

Gold

You cant make anyone do anything.
Focus on your needs not what anyone else should be doing
Her issues are not your problem