I Hate Rollercoasters.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
I Hate Rollercoasters.
Yes, I hate them in the literal sense too but I'm of course talking about the emotional ride I'm (we're all) on.
I understand that an alcoholic has a need to control what they can't control...which seems to be just about everything...but how can they NOT realize things they have said or done when they have a bout of 'sobriety'?
Last week after I served him the divorce papers, I get the up/down of the day. The anger and then the cooling off period. But in the past week, he'll be nice as pie (trying to get me to change my mind no doubt) but then an hour or so later will call back mad at the world or vice-versa! Yesterday he asked me for a phone # which I texted to him about 20 min after his message. Apparently he didn't get it so he called me a couple of hours later spouting that if I want this divorce to go through I better XYZ. Totally yelling at me and threatening all sorts of things. I was in tears when I hung up. He called a few hours later acting like nothing happened. When I asked him about it he told me how 'conflicted' he is right now. Conflicted? Get help or lose your wife/daughter...doesn't sound too tough to me. You either want or don't want but you can't have it both ways!
I'm anxious to move on and I try to kill him with kindness just to bide my time until my 30 day respond period is up and I find somewhere to live. But it's SO hard! I hate when I see him calling....I don't want to answer. But, if I don't then the message is just as nasty as if I would have answered.
This rollercoaster of emotions is driving me crazy! I'm sorry but I want my money back....this ride stinks.
I understand that an alcoholic has a need to control what they can't control...which seems to be just about everything...but how can they NOT realize things they have said or done when they have a bout of 'sobriety'?
Last week after I served him the divorce papers, I get the up/down of the day. The anger and then the cooling off period. But in the past week, he'll be nice as pie (trying to get me to change my mind no doubt) but then an hour or so later will call back mad at the world or vice-versa! Yesterday he asked me for a phone # which I texted to him about 20 min after his message. Apparently he didn't get it so he called me a couple of hours later spouting that if I want this divorce to go through I better XYZ. Totally yelling at me and threatening all sorts of things. I was in tears when I hung up. He called a few hours later acting like nothing happened. When I asked him about it he told me how 'conflicted' he is right now. Conflicted? Get help or lose your wife/daughter...doesn't sound too tough to me. You either want or don't want but you can't have it both ways!
I'm anxious to move on and I try to kill him with kindness just to bide my time until my 30 day respond period is up and I find somewhere to live. But it's SO hard! I hate when I see him calling....I don't want to answer. But, if I don't then the message is just as nasty as if I would have answered.
This rollercoaster of emotions is driving me crazy! I'm sorry but I want my money back....this ride stinks.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
you can absolutely refuse to answer his calls or text messages, emails, what have you.
you don't even "need" justification in doing so, don't need to explain it to him, or give him a warning. well, you can give him a warning that might be the decent thing to do. but something that isn't an attack, such as "emotions are running high right now and i feel vulnerable. i need to just not have any dialogues for a time"
i'm sure that deep down he will know why.
my ex always did the act like nothing happened scene too. i always just thought it was his way of coping, oops, i mean non-coping with the uncomfortable parts of life. i see it as a manifestation of deep shame - not confronting that you did something wrong. a small child doesn't distinguish between "i'm bad" and "i did something bad". some people get stuck here and it's hard to admit wrong-doing when that happens.
you don't even "need" justification in doing so, don't need to explain it to him, or give him a warning. well, you can give him a warning that might be the decent thing to do. but something that isn't an attack, such as "emotions are running high right now and i feel vulnerable. i need to just not have any dialogues for a time"
i'm sure that deep down he will know why.
my ex always did the act like nothing happened scene too. i always just thought it was his way of coping, oops, i mean non-coping with the uncomfortable parts of life. i see it as a manifestation of deep shame - not confronting that you did something wrong. a small child doesn't distinguish between "i'm bad" and "i did something bad". some people get stuck here and it's hard to admit wrong-doing when that happens.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Originally Posted by coffeedrinker 
my ex always did the act like nothing happened scene too. i always just thought it was his way of coping, oops, i mean non-coping with the uncomfortable parts of life. i see it as a manifestation of deep shame - not confronting that you did something wrong. a small child doesn't distinguish between "i'm bad" and "i did something bad". some people get stuck here and it's hard to admit wrong-doing when that happens.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Originally Posted by rdy4change
Conflicted? Get help or lose your wife/daughter...doesn't sound too tough to me.
Clear enough to me! They just don't get it do they!
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