Please Ground Me
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Please Ground Me
Hi,
Don't mean to sound dramatic here, but a little freaked out and need grounding.
Last night exA called godmother again, and left her a message. They haven't spoken in months since he called her about me moving back to town (actually the town next to our old town). She doesn't return his calls, but told me about the out of the blue contact.
Anyway, took my dog to my neighborhood dog park this morning (it is a very remote location beside the water in a neighborhood that he looks down his nose at and never would venture into). He and the OW/****/his current wife showed up while I was there. I go there everyday, sometimes twice a day. They stayed in the car, but exA and I locked eyes (and I flipped him off---no comments there please).
I am weirded out by this. He has every right to go where he pleases, but coming into my neighborhood, at my park when I am there each day at the same time is creepy. She was driving which is even more creepy. I have struggled to find peace in my new life and going to the park with my dog has been a godsend.
For some reason I feel violated again. He cannot take my peace, but damn he could at least stay the hell away from me. This feels like some sick baiting.
Please help me not be crazy about this.
Miss
Don't mean to sound dramatic here, but a little freaked out and need grounding.
Last night exA called godmother again, and left her a message. They haven't spoken in months since he called her about me moving back to town (actually the town next to our old town). She doesn't return his calls, but told me about the out of the blue contact.
Anyway, took my dog to my neighborhood dog park this morning (it is a very remote location beside the water in a neighborhood that he looks down his nose at and never would venture into). He and the OW/****/his current wife showed up while I was there. I go there everyday, sometimes twice a day. They stayed in the car, but exA and I locked eyes (and I flipped him off---no comments there please).
I am weirded out by this. He has every right to go where he pleases, but coming into my neighborhood, at my park when I am there each day at the same time is creepy. She was driving which is even more creepy. I have struggled to find peace in my new life and going to the park with my dog has been a godsend.
For some reason I feel violated again. He cannot take my peace, but damn he could at least stay the hell away from me. This feels like some sick baiting.
Please help me not be crazy about this.
Miss
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Do you think he is going there to torture you? If so, find another spot for you and your dog for a while, until he loses interest in baiting you.
If you can conceive of any legitimate reason for him to be there, it might help you not take it so hard.
I recommend an ipod, a headcovering, a book, and a downward gaze and purposeful walk. Ignore, ignore, ignore him.
I do know how you feel. My dogs and our special place to walk have been my salvation, too.
(MY ex started coming to church when he has our kids. Has he EVER deigned to go to church while we lived together? No - I always took the kids by myself. What? He has decided to believe in God all of a sudden after arguing with me for years? Ugh.)
If you can conceive of any legitimate reason for him to be there, it might help you not take it so hard.
I recommend an ipod, a headcovering, a book, and a downward gaze and purposeful walk. Ignore, ignore, ignore him.
I do know how you feel. My dogs and our special place to walk have been my salvation, too.
(MY ex started coming to church when he has our kids. Has he EVER deigned to go to church while we lived together? No - I always took the kids by myself. What? He has decided to believe in God all of a sudden after arguing with me for years? Ugh.)
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(())
I do believe that co-incidences happen. if it happens again, then I'd start to wonder more but maybe they were justing visiting a park, or a friend, or got lost? isn't it less creepy if she was driving, and more likely an innocent (however disturbing) coincidence?
I do believe that co-incidences happen. if it happens again, then I'd start to wonder more but maybe they were justing visiting a park, or a friend, or got lost? isn't it less creepy if she was driving, and more likely an innocent (however disturbing) coincidence?
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Mine did the same thing, showing up at a lot of places where he knew I would be. I felt all those feelings - fear, anger, outrage, curiousity, mostly frustration and anger. We lived in a big city and there was no logical reason for him to be there.
It was another lesson in powerlessness for me. I refused to allow him to rent any more space in my brain. I changed my routine, but only when it suited me.
Good luck. It takes time, but it gets bettter
It was another lesson in powerlessness for me. I refused to allow him to rent any more space in my brain. I changed my routine, but only when it suited me.
Good luck. It takes time, but it gets bettter
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This wasn't a coincidence.
She was driving a car he bought me 18 months ago, because he doesn't have a driver's license.
His house in 20 miles away in another town. I moved here because he hates this town and was vocal about that for the 4 years we were together and the 12 years we were friends. On the other hand I find the town charming.
My neighborhood is very small and the park is on the end of a residential street with twists and turns and winding roads. Only neighbors use it as it is very remote.
The friend I was with was also shocked. I asked her the same thing, well maybe they are cruising on a Wed morning. She said nope, he is just sick and looking for you. We are in another town 20 miles away, in my small residential neighborhood, on the dead end street with my dog park, at the hour I go each morning.
I feel violated.
She was driving a car he bought me 18 months ago, because he doesn't have a driver's license.
His house in 20 miles away in another town. I moved here because he hates this town and was vocal about that for the 4 years we were together and the 12 years we were friends. On the other hand I find the town charming.
My neighborhood is very small and the park is on the end of a residential street with twists and turns and winding roads. Only neighbors use it as it is very remote.
The friend I was with was also shocked. I asked her the same thing, well maybe they are cruising on a Wed morning. She said nope, he is just sick and looking for you. We are in another town 20 miles away, in my small residential neighborhood, on the dead end street with my dog park, at the hour I go each morning.
I feel violated.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
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Premeditated...that's the word that comes to mind! Just a gut feeling, because I really don't believe in coincidences!!!! Wow, I would feel violated too! Just trying to get on with your life, and BAM!! There he is....I would probably go again, and if he is there again, I would have to find another place to walk my baby. I'm so sorry, this probably triggers all kinds of stuff for you. BIG HUGS!! ~Remember, they only have as much power to ruin our day as we give them~
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Thank you.
I am getting ready to go to the grocery, and I am calming down.
I forgot to mention that in his call, actually message for godmother, he said that he was still her friend and told her not to call him back. He would get in trouble...
I am getting ready to go to the grocery, and I am calming down.
I forgot to mention that in his call, actually message for godmother, he said that he was still her friend and told her not to call him back. He would get in trouble...
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I'd probably be inclined to keep going to the park, and laugh and frolic with my dog, and completely ignore the mess that may show up. Or, knowing me, I'd maybe walk up and say, "What are you doing alllllll the way in my neck of the woods?" But I'm a trouble-maker.
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Godmother, don't call me back 'cuz I'll get in trouble with my wife.............but wife, please drive me to stalk my ex-fiance? There's no figuring this out.....sheesh.
Hoping this does not happen again, fixit. Sounds like some drama that you don't want to be a part of. I remember how that felt, though, gross!!!!! so sending you a hug
Hoping this does not happen again, fixit. Sounds like some drama that you don't want to be a part of. I remember how that felt, though, gross!!!!! so sending you a hug
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Thanks.
Thank you for validating my feelings of shock, hurt and creepiness. I have often felt alone in these situations and unsure if my reaction was okay...I have had to re-learn my emotions.
This one was witnessed by another and I have had enough distance to know that I did not provoke it. I feel like singing "it isn't me, it isn't me, see I'm not the crazy one, I'm not the liar, I am not making this up."
Well, with my newfound sensibilities, I see that he is sick. I wish I never got involved with him. I feel icky. I did not feel love when I saw him, I felt shock, disgust and rage.
For anyone struggling with "what he could be," this is another option of what he could be. Crazy, sick, selfish and hurtful. No reason, just cause.
Thank you for validating my feelings of shock, hurt and creepiness. I have often felt alone in these situations and unsure if my reaction was okay...I have had to re-learn my emotions.
This one was witnessed by another and I have had enough distance to know that I did not provoke it. I feel like singing "it isn't me, it isn't me, see I'm not the crazy one, I'm not the liar, I am not making this up."
Well, with my newfound sensibilities, I see that he is sick. I wish I never got involved with him. I feel icky. I did not feel love when I saw him, I felt shock, disgust and rage.
For anyone struggling with "what he could be," this is another option of what he could be. Crazy, sick, selfish and hurtful. No reason, just cause.
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I feel like singing "it isn't me, it isn't me, see I'm not the crazy one, I'm not the liar, I am not making this up."
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IMO,
Your head may be trying to justify the "coincidence," but your gut knows what's really going on and the violation you feel is the announcement of that.
One thing I have begun to understand after a childhood of invalidation by my parents and then a decade of mind games by my XABF is that despite what gymnastics my brain gets put through, my emotional instincts are still my best defense.
Like recently, I didn't know what was going on with this new roommate drama I have, but my gut knew it wasn't right. It took some rethinking to realize that something isn't right with his behavior and I'm reacting internally to it. I am now taking steps to keep a safe distance rather than wracking my brains trying to excuse him as my codie self would be inclined to do.
I think your EX wants something. What that is, I don't know, but I suspect more will be revealed. The out of the blue contact and now the pop-up at the dog park. He's locating you or someone close to you for some reason. Follow your gut and maybe change things up a bit in your routine. At the very least you will be taking a proactive measure that may help you feel more empowered. At the most, you will be avoiding whatever drama he's gearing up to try to draw you into.
Grab me some frozen pizza at the grocery. I'm famished!
Alice
Your head may be trying to justify the "coincidence," but your gut knows what's really going on and the violation you feel is the announcement of that.
One thing I have begun to understand after a childhood of invalidation by my parents and then a decade of mind games by my XABF is that despite what gymnastics my brain gets put through, my emotional instincts are still my best defense.
Like recently, I didn't know what was going on with this new roommate drama I have, but my gut knew it wasn't right. It took some rethinking to realize that something isn't right with his behavior and I'm reacting internally to it. I am now taking steps to keep a safe distance rather than wracking my brains trying to excuse him as my codie self would be inclined to do.
I think your EX wants something. What that is, I don't know, but I suspect more will be revealed. The out of the blue contact and now the pop-up at the dog park. He's locating you or someone close to you for some reason. Follow your gut and maybe change things up a bit in your routine. At the very least you will be taking a proactive measure that may help you feel more empowered. At the most, you will be avoiding whatever drama he's gearing up to try to draw you into.
Grab me some frozen pizza at the grocery. I'm famished!
Alice
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Thanks Alice.
For what it is worth, I think he wants something too. Don't know what it is, but have two guesses.
1. absolution
2. me being there for him, rescuing him from a miserable implusive marriage to a nutcase
My money is on 2, but he's not getting it. Shooting them the bird should have sent my message, but probably added needless drama.
For what it is worth, I think he wants something too. Don't know what it is, but have two guesses.
1. absolution
2. me being there for him, rescuing him from a miserable implusive marriage to a nutcase
My money is on 2, but he's not getting it. Shooting them the bird should have sent my message, but probably added needless drama.
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Originally Posted by MissFixit 
This wasn't a coincidence.
.
.
I hope it doesn't happen again, and I'm glad you were able to get some positives out of a not nice situation (the I'm not mad stuff).
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Miss and Cats, I know the feeling... recently, the HR girl, now friend, who hired XABF and me told me I had changed a lot in a year... that I looked much better and happier. That she had run into XABF with GF in the market (I asked which one so I never shop there!) and they just said "hi" and there was nothing to talk about. Before I came here... they were friends, she was closer to him than me. And she told me the following healing words: "he is just not the same guy I hired, at all. He has changed for the worse"
She is a psychologist and I also told her thank you... thank you, thank you... when I was very sad I thought someone else enjoyed MY nice guy... but this friend made me remember the "new" GF took him where I left him, in a sad place...
Your ex like mine hasn't changed.. but you have changed A LOT from the Miss I read when I joined SR... you were suffering just like me...... now you struggle once in a while but have regained your control and power back.. that my friend is PROGRESS. Its not about their weird actions but about your power... yes you CAN walk your dog anywhere you want... yes you can see them and feel and release those emotions... and in a moment or a day or a week you will be free AGAIN. And one day it won't affect you AT ALL. That is where you (and me!) are going...
I used to think triggers came because God hated me... now for similar events and hurting I think "this helps me get rid of this nightmare 100%, God sends me this to be free as there's many gifts and good times coming for me" like taking out the trash and these are the last bags until the place is clean.. lol , sorry, my analogy... been moving out too many times !!
Also my English is not that good but I understood you insulted them with a hand gesture? lol once I got the chance to run over XABF outside our parking lot... but I imagined my kittens hungry while I was in jail and that is what stopped me LOL.
I agree with naive if you can go with a friend or take some more care for a while, the better....
She is a psychologist and I also told her thank you... thank you, thank you... when I was very sad I thought someone else enjoyed MY nice guy... but this friend made me remember the "new" GF took him where I left him, in a sad place...
Your ex like mine hasn't changed.. but you have changed A LOT from the Miss I read when I joined SR... you were suffering just like me...... now you struggle once in a while but have regained your control and power back.. that my friend is PROGRESS. Its not about their weird actions but about your power... yes you CAN walk your dog anywhere you want... yes you can see them and feel and release those emotions... and in a moment or a day or a week you will be free AGAIN. And one day it won't affect you AT ALL. That is where you (and me!) are going...
I used to think triggers came because God hated me... now for similar events and hurting I think "this helps me get rid of this nightmare 100%, God sends me this to be free as there's many gifts and good times coming for me" like taking out the trash and these are the last bags until the place is clean.. lol , sorry, my analogy... been moving out too many times !!
Also my English is not that good but I understood you insulted them with a hand gesture? lol once I got the chance to run over XABF outside our parking lot... but I imagined my kittens hungry while I was in jail and that is what stopped me LOL.
I agree with naive if you can go with a friend or take some more care for a while, the better....
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