Years later... I've come back
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 23
Years later... I've come back
Hello all,
It has been a long time since I have been to this forum. I think I really need to be here again.
While my son is still alive, he is currently in jail until the spring. (What a surprise.) Caught for trafficking crack and also was part of a home invasion... "But mom, I wasn't the one with the knife."
He is almost 23 and nothing has changed. He still has barely a grade 8 education and has lived off welfare and drug trafficking for the last 6 years.
I thought I had finally learned how to let go and focus on my own life and my other son and my great relationship with a wonderful man, but still I wonder... did I overlook something? Was I amiss in something as a mother? What the hell happened to that wonderful boy of mine?
There is a song by Jann Arden called "Good Mother" that always reminds me of him.
I'm going to read a lot of stuff here and catch up with everyone. There are so many people that I have thought of over the years who have touched my heart in wonderful ways.
Thanks for being here,
Marjatta
It has been a long time since I have been to this forum. I think I really need to be here again.
While my son is still alive, he is currently in jail until the spring. (What a surprise.) Caught for trafficking crack and also was part of a home invasion... "But mom, I wasn't the one with the knife."
He is almost 23 and nothing has changed. He still has barely a grade 8 education and has lived off welfare and drug trafficking for the last 6 years.
I thought I had finally learned how to let go and focus on my own life and my other son and my great relationship with a wonderful man, but still I wonder... did I overlook something? Was I amiss in something as a mother? What the hell happened to that wonderful boy of mine?
There is a song by Jann Arden called "Good Mother" that always reminds me of him.
I'm going to read a lot of stuff here and catch up with everyone. There are so many people that I have thought of over the years who have touched my heart in wonderful ways.
Thanks for being here,
Marjatta
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
You did nothing wrong.
An old friend/flame (who has recently re-entered my life) and I were discussing this subject about children. We were not raised that way, our children were not raised in a bad way, nor are our grandchildren being raised in bad way. What has happened though, is that drugs and alcohol are so much more readily available to our young people today than they were in earlier generations, and it is becoming so much easier for them to become 'hooked' on any number of chemicals.
For whatever it is worth, please do not blame yourself. You did the best you could as a mother, and unfortunately we cannot keep our children in 'protective bubbles' and outside influences can and do in many cases take over.
Please remember the 3 C's:
You didn't Causethis.
You can't Control this.
You can't Cure this.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
An old friend/flame (who has recently re-entered my life) and I were discussing this subject about children. We were not raised that way, our children were not raised in a bad way, nor are our grandchildren being raised in bad way. What has happened though, is that drugs and alcohol are so much more readily available to our young people today than they were in earlier generations, and it is becoming so much easier for them to become 'hooked' on any number of chemicals.
For whatever it is worth, please do not blame yourself. You did the best you could as a mother, and unfortunately we cannot keep our children in 'protective bubbles' and outside influences can and do in many cases take over.
Please remember the 3 C's:
You didn't Causethis.
You can't Control this.
You can't Cure this.
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Marjatta)))
I'm so sorry for your circumstance but so very glad to see you again.
No mother is perfect, Marjatta, we all make mistakes in life because we're human. We're not to blame for our kids' addictions, there comes a time in their life where they get to make choices and sometimes they just make very bad ones.
Stick around, walk with us, and we'll share our candles with you until you find your own light again.
Hugs
I'm so sorry for your circumstance but so very glad to see you again.
No mother is perfect, Marjatta, we all make mistakes in life because we're human. We're not to blame for our kids' addictions, there comes a time in their life where they get to make choices and sometimes they just make very bad ones.
Stick around, walk with us, and we'll share our candles with you until you find your own light again.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm sorry that addiction is still impacting you and hope that spending some time here helps you to gather your tools and refocus.
I understand how you feel..I lost my daughter to addiction at a young age (she had just turned 20) and sometimes I still have to work hard to avoid the what ifs. I do believe that the accessibility of horribly addicting, powerful drugs at ages when our kids are still learning and experimenting has a lot to do with the prevalence of addiction in our young, young kids. Yes, it is about choice, but it seems to me that a young teen often doesn't have the maturity to make an appropriate choice, believes in invincibility and is hooked before we can blink. With such powerful drugs, the alterations to the brain really scare me.
It's terribly sad...I pray for you and your family and that your son finds his way. I am glad you have chosen to stay healthy even if your son is not yet ready.
I understand how you feel..I lost my daughter to addiction at a young age (she had just turned 20) and sometimes I still have to work hard to avoid the what ifs. I do believe that the accessibility of horribly addicting, powerful drugs at ages when our kids are still learning and experimenting has a lot to do with the prevalence of addiction in our young, young kids. Yes, it is about choice, but it seems to me that a young teen often doesn't have the maturity to make an appropriate choice, believes in invincibility and is hooked before we can blink. With such powerful drugs, the alterations to the brain really scare me.
It's terribly sad...I pray for you and your family and that your son finds his way. I am glad you have chosen to stay healthy even if your son is not yet ready.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
:ghug3
Marjatta!!
Long time, no "see" !! Its so nice to hear from you again.
I'm sorry to hear that your son is still on a bad path. There is always hope...there are always resources available to him should he decide to change things around. I pray that he reaches his moment of truth sooner rather than latter. In the meantime, stay healthy, my friend, and stay focused on your blessings. Sounds like you have lots of them and I'm so happy for you.
Missed you !!!
Marjatta!!
Long time, no "see" !! Its so nice to hear from you again.
I'm sorry to hear that your son is still on a bad path. There is always hope...there are always resources available to him should he decide to change things around. I pray that he reaches his moment of truth sooner rather than latter. In the meantime, stay healthy, my friend, and stay focused on your blessings. Sounds like you have lots of them and I'm so happy for you.
Missed you !!!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
:ghug3 Oh gosh, I've missed you! So good to see you back here.
I'm sorry about your son. I just finished reading a Great book that it
may help to read called Shattered Silence. It's about a daughter whose
Dad is a serial killer (the happy face one), she talks a lot about
how she had to come to separate who she was and who he was
and his actions and learn his actions had nothing to do with her.
Not comparing your son to a serial killer, I just liked what she had to say.
Her struggles of taking on what her father did and how she took on what he did and felt so much responsibility for him/actions remind me a lot of some of
the posts I read here.
As Mom's you guys give us the best love you can, show us how to bring our light into the world. Whether we choose light or darkness is our own choice.
I'm sorry about your son. I just finished reading a Great book that it
may help to read called Shattered Silence. It's about a daughter whose
Dad is a serial killer (the happy face one), she talks a lot about
how she had to come to separate who she was and who he was
and his actions and learn his actions had nothing to do with her.
Not comparing your son to a serial killer, I just liked what she had to say.
Her struggles of taking on what her father did and how she took on what he did and felt so much responsibility for him/actions remind me a lot of some of
the posts I read here.
As Mom's you guys give us the best love you can, show us how to bring our light into the world. Whether we choose light or darkness is our own choice.
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