I'm a recovering addict & alcoholic, my DOC (drug of choice) was also opiates. I was addicted to them for 25 years so I can relate to alot of what you're saying. For me though, the tapering down never worked. I had to go into detox each time I stopped using because I never held on to any pills long enough to do a taper and I was using such large amts that I needed medication to assist in the detox process so I wouldn't have seizures, etc.

With you being down to 2 - 4 a day, I honestly believe that you are past any physical withdrawls. The easiest thing for me was getting the pills out of my system, the hard thing was keeping them out! There are reasons we pick up in the first place. Many addicts whose DOC is opiates began originally taking them for a physical condition. But once we discover how good we feel (or don't feel) we continue to use them after the physical condition is gone. Opiates didn't make me groggy, didn't make sleepy. I was the complete opposite. I felt like Superwoman. I had endless energy, I could keep the house clean, the laundry done, nice meals cooked, go to work, be the Soccer Mom, Room Mother at my Son's school, etc. I could do it all. Then the downward spiral, I couldn't do any of these things until I got the pills. My life stopped unless I had a full bottle of pills. It didn't matter what the situation was, I couldn't function w/out the pills.

I struggled for 25 years to stay clean after more detoxes than I can count. I didn't want to let anyone know I had a problem. I was ashamed, embarressed, felt like a failure. I would look at other women who could accomplish daily activities w/out using pills and I felt even worse about myself. I ignored strong suggestions from the professionals that I go to NA or AA Meetings. I didn't think I needed to do that, I thought if I talked about the pills, I'd just want to use more. Boy, was I ever wrong! Once I surrendered to the fact that I couldn't do this alone, began going to Meetings, getting phone numbers of other women, making contact with them, etc., things began to get a little easier. I think what helped me the most was realizing that I am far from alone. I'm not weak, I have a disease. I had to tell myself that if I had Cancer, for example,would I have a problem seeking treatment for that? Would I be ashamed and embarressed to go to Chemotherapy? No! I'd do what I had to do to save my life.

You can find NA/AA Meetings just by Googling NA Meetings or AA Meetings in your area. Where I live, there are many more AA Meetings so I usually went to those, every single day. After all, I used every day, didn't I?

I know this sounds like a lot to swallow right now, (no pun intended) but the biggest step is admitting you have a problem and asking for help. I hope you'll keep coming back, continue to share what you feel comfortable sharing & get to some Meetings!

God Bless,
Judy