GwenCummings

Hello Everyone. How lovely to find this place. I am at Day 79 of sobriety after 30 years of trying to control my drinking and keep a life of sorts together. I am struggling a bit because I don't really have any friends who don't drink. My sister and brother are both alcoholics in AA and they have been helping me but I lack local day to day support. The thing is...I can't seem to make up my mind to go to AA. I'm scared of going on my own, and Im frightened of what it would be like. Anyone got any advice?

soberinwpg

What do you have to lose by going? I say give it a try.

Welcome and congrats.

Fubarcdn

I don't attend AA but I agree with WPG it can't hurt to give it a try. It is good to do things that take us out of our comfort zone.

GwenCummings

Thank you for your replies. You are right of course. It's not like I'd be signing up to a lifetime membership. No-one will give me a medal if I carry on trying to manage without asking for help. I'm still scared though!

yeahgr8

Its not a problem at all...says the guy who stood round the corner on his first meeting, too scared to go and stand at the front with the rest if the smokers heheh

Once i got inside, someone asked is this your first meeting i said yes and i was welcomed and everyone knew that i didn't know what to do or what to expect so i was treated like...well...a newcomer.

Good advice, from my experience, is to get there about 10 minutes early, stand around/sit looking lost and hopefully someone will do the same as they did to me, you might want to be a bit sneaky and say to someone this is my first meeting where should i sit...subtle way of announcing yourself as first meeting;-) Try and stick around at the end again just stand there looking lost and if someone doesnt come to you go to someone of your own sex preferably and ask them so when is the next meeting, this is my first one and i dont know the schedule...again subtle huh;-) This saves unrealistic advice like go in and announce yourself as a newcomer which i would never had done and it sounds like you might be a bit timid too:-)

Bottom line is they are people like us and the program was made for people like us to have happy and sober lives, the meetings are there also so you have local support and you don't have to do this alone...i strongly urge you to go to one straight away and get yourself settled in...

If you bottle out and are standing outside thinking about not going in, just put one foot in front of the other in the general direction of the door and keep muttering to yourself i dont want to do this, stupid idea etc before you know it you will be in the room and then it will be a case of i dont want to look like an idiot now im in so i might as well sit down:-( Then afterwards you will think what is all the fuss about...psssshhh;-)

Please let us know how you get on...i'm excited for you!

intention

Hi Gwen and welcome.

You've had some great advice. Please just go and do let us know how you get on.

Well done on being sober !

soberinwpg

I was scared too but you know what happened to me? I got there, I sat down, I listened and I was no longer alone. I thought everyone was talking about me b/c I could relate to everyone. I remember that day like it was yesterday and that was over 10 years ago.
Face the fear baby!!!

GwenCummings

I have tears in my eyes reading your message yeahgr8. There is a local meeting in about 2 and a half hours. I am going to try to walk in that room! X

sunset2000

Hey Gwen,

Welcome. I am about 3 weeks in and I haven't started attending meetings yet, either. But I probably will soon. So far SR has been the only source of support for me (that and a few close friends) and for now it's been enough.

Do your brother and sister not live in the area? Because if they did it would be great to join them for a meeting. If not, it seems like they should be able to answer some questions for you and put you at ease.

Either way, if you feel like you would like some face to face support you should try it. Also, in my area (Los Angeles) there are women only meetings and I find those to be much less intimidating. Good luck. Let us know how you're doing.

Ceres

Hi Gwen, AA is just like this:

Toby Keith's "I love this bar"... Changed a few words. ;-)


We got winners, we got losers
Chain smokers and boozers
And we got yuppies, we got bikers
We got thristy hitchhikers
And all my blues seem far away...

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love AA

We got cowboys, we got truckers
Broken-hearted fools and suckers
And we got hustlers, we got fighters
Early birds and all-nighters
And everyone has something nice to say...

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love AA

[Chorus:]
I love AA
It's my kind of place
Just walkin' through the front door
Puts a big smile on my face
It ain't too far, come as you may
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love AA

I've seen short skirts, we got high-techs
Blue-collar boys and rednecks
And we got lovers, lots of lookers
And I've even seen dancing girls and hookers
And so many come and come to stay...

Hmm, hmm, hmm I love AA
Yes I do

I like my truck (I like my truck)
I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend)
I like to take her out to dinner
I like a movie now and then

But I love AA
It's my kind of place
Just trollin' around the meeting floor
Puts a big smile on my face
No cover charge, come as you may
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love AA

We got divorcees and a big muscle man
An old-timer and a guy in a rock band
We got waitresses and we got homelessness
A dumb-ass and a wise-guy
If you get scared, just listen to what we say...

hmm, hmmm, WE LOVE AA

shaun00

i remember those first meetings feeling like a trip to draculas castle...lol...
After the first couple you find your feet and hopefully meet some interesting people...

listen out for the people that share how they stay sober...what step they are working through and their experience with the program of recovery suggested in the big book...the 12 steps.

then when it gets quiet..........jump up...stand on a chair and shout..""i want a sponsor and it has to be a sponsor that knows what their taking about.
i do not need war stories.......and i do not need silly one liners.
so who here is up for it........because i wanna recover
and i dont wanna wait 3 months......i dont wanna find my feet......i wanna get the deal done period"".....lol....lol...lol.....JOKE but id love to hear someone do that...

that should make your mark...lol

dont worry your be find.....i have yet to see anyone get bitten at an aa meeting......"yet"

good luck

yeahgr8

You get down there because you deserve it...take it as it comes, come back here later and report in please...relax and enjoy:-)

Hahaha just caught trucker's post below...if you do that i will forever refer to you as Gwen the legend!

Eclipse

The first meeting I walked into my heart was pounding so hard I thought I was going to have a heart attack. It was a large meeting and so I just sat down and then to my horror during the meeting I started crying...could not stop for nothin'. I was so mortified. Some woman quietly brought me a box of kleenex others patted me on the back. After the meeting people came up to me and gave me hugs and told me they liked cryers...it was a good thing...that was the beginning of my new life!

yeahgr8

Thanks clifty,

Here's one for you...first the hope bit, one of my really good friends in AA is a lady with 23 year sobriety. She came in, drank again, and then came back and has been sober ever since. Relapse is not part of recovery but as long as you learn from your mistakes and what you didn't do last time then you too can do what she did and does!

If you look at trucker's post below, you will see exactly what you need to do,

1. listen out for the people that share how they stay sober...what step they are working through and their experience with the program of recovery suggested in the big book...the 12 steps
2. want a sponsor and it has to be a sponsor that knows what their taking about, dont wanna wait 3 months, dont wanna find my feet, wanna get the deal done period
3. Approach this person and ask for them to go for a coffee with you, explaining your situation and telling them, if you are truly ready now, that you are willing to do anything to get sober, you want to talk to them about getting help and guidance in working the 12 steps of AA and have a happy life

The rest will follow if you are willing and have had enough:-)

Oh yeah go to a meeting first to be able to do all the above hehe

Anna

Hi Gwen,

Welcome!

Congratulations on your sobriety!

I hope you find the support you are looking for.

intention

Hi Clifty
As well as loving criers, we also love failures.

Out of failure comes admitting powerlessness and surrender. Step 1.


Why do you have to pluck up the courage? Do you really believe that you would get a negative reaction from those in the meeting by saying that you drank again?

You would get the same reaction as here - Welcome, we understand, we have a solution for you.

Go on, go to a meeting again

intention

Hi Trucker,

LOL, it's even funnier because I thought you were being serious when I first read it lol

GwenCummings

It feels very strange to come back to this forum and read what I wrote three plus years ago. In the end I never made it to AA. I convinced myself I would manage and I went 2 and 1/2 years without alcohol before convincing myself I was ready to try controlled drinking again. Here I am 16 months later, 13 days in to a new sobriety after the inevitable downward spiral into an awful life of drinking and hangovers. All the evidence suggests I need to Give AA a chance! Still haven't been though. Xx

awuh1

I'll tell you what. Go to an AA meeting. If you don't like it, ask for your current misery to be refunded.

SoBearish

Wow, you and I are so similar. I also just came back after being away from this board for several years. It was so surreal to read my old posts.


However, I did join AA and it has been wonderful. I'm 103 days away from my last drink and every aspect of my life has improved. I have no desire to drink today (27 years of alcohol abuse btw).


It's so normal to feel nervous about AA but you have a massive advantage over most newcomers. You already have time and a relapse under you belt. These are invaluable experiences. You can go into any AA meeting, raise your hand and tell them it's your 1st meeting but you have 14 days already and you will receive a hearty welcome and a round of applause.

If you're in NYC I'll go with you and introduce you around.