harleyd101

Hello all, just woke up this morning with a feeling of gratitude that all of you are here for me. I feel (or have felt) very lonely dealing with this, and all of you are always the bright spot in my day. I wake up and can't wait to check the posts, and I always check back here before I go to sleep. Your words stick with me, and I am praying that with the knowledge that all of you have, your experiences, your strength, that someday, maybe someday, I will heal from this as a lot of you have. This place takes that empty, lonely edge off of my day, and words cannot truly express the gratitude I feel that no matter what, you are always here for me.

Kittyboo

I feel the same way.

bookwyrm

Me too! I'm here at least twice a day, if not more. Voices come and voices go but I hope this forum will always be here - it has been my salvation.

TakingCharge999

harley,
I identify with you because you also have your ex in close proximity. I know that pain and anxiety but together we can make it. SR is a lifeline and the tools and ideas we talk about daily are great tools for life in general not only when dealing with an alcoholic or the aftermath. Hugs!!

harleyd101

Thanks TC, I know, I saw him yesterday leaving for work....got all inside my head, and I had to pray all the way to work!! It's amazing what my mind will come up with when left to it's own devices!! But there you all were, talking back...not your business, nothing changes if nothing changes, don't want that pain back, live your life, not your problem..!!! I swear, you were all there in my truck with me!! I practically skipped into work, my attitude changed (no, make that my thinking) in just 5 short miles!!!

Hope things are going well for you TC, you know it really is just one day at a time!! Hugs to you my friend!!

Gold

yes I hear you!
I check on here a few times a day for words of wisdom, and understanding of other living the same journey

TakingCharge999

Thanks harley. I overhear his careless laughter often and sometimes I'm back to anger but often I think "too bad his good twin died, he was a good friend and I miss him" as if this Unknown stranger is the evil twin.. someone else, not the guy I knew.

A few weeks ago the HR girl that contacted us for this job told me I am a completely new person and look very different, and that she has met XABF a few times and is often late, asleep in his cubicle, and that he is no longer the person he hired. SR is like that, makes you remember you are not crazy and that yes, you just like me... are better off without guys like that...

Sometimes I felt bad spending so much time by myself but now I try to think of it as "me time" and its not because I'm lonely but because I miss myself and after so much stuff and thinking about others who couldn't care less, I need to know me again, be in good company.

Have you tried playing ALL your old-time favorite songs? I just played a song that brings me good memories from high school. Music is very healing and reminds me there have been so many other stages in my life.... and there will be many more..this is just another one... "another passing show"...

:ghug3

FindingPeace1

This is really interesting. I think I need to allow myself to grieve the good twin (even if it was in my head or managed by my own denial or repression of difficulties). I DO miss the good twin. It IS too bad he died (that death being my denial dying). I'll miss him a lot. More than I can say.

It allows me to acknowledge the death of that dream and not keep pining so much for him. I need to let the old him/fantasy him be dead and start being with the alive twin.

Deep. Thanks.

harleyd101

TC, I mostly listen to Christian music right now. I have some great friends in recovery that have burned me some really great CD's. I put those in and listen to them while I drive to work. I just can't seem to listen to the radio right now! So many songs bring back memories. I know that sounds corney, but it just makes me sad. The Christian music I listen to is very uplifting, letting me know that while I may feel sad and lonely in this world, God is here carrying me every step of the way. Ugghhh, just wondering how long I will have to feel this way. I wish I could grab that heavyness in my chest and rip it out. Will this feeling ever go away?