bluebelle

My ABF has been supposedly in recovery from pain pills since November, 2008. I have a tendency to get concerned about his behavior, and worry about whether or not he is on meds. For example, tonight he fell asleep at 7:30 p.m. Doesn't that seem a little extreme? He doesn't even work, so I'm not sure why he'd be so tired.

Also, he is getting a tooth pulled Friday. I am worried that the dentist is going to give him pain meds. Do you think that I should bring up the subject with ABF? Recently, I've been saying very little about his bad tooth. For months, he's had tooth pain. For a long time, I bugged him about going to the dentist. Then, I bugged him that he should get a root canal and not have the tooth pulled. Now, I've remained quiet. I've ignored his whining about his sore tooth and stopped giving him advice. Now, he has finally called the oral surgeon and scheduled his visit.

I think it is ridiculous that he is getting the tooth pulled rather than a root canal, but that's a whole another story. Does anyone get a tooth pulled and not get pain meds?

I know I'm coming across as some kind of whiny control-freak girlfriend. However, we've been together 13 years, and I really don't know how to handle this situation. I guess if he didn't have an addiction problem, this worry wouldn't even come into my head.

suki44883

I had a tooth pulled last year and my doctor gave me enough pain pills to last for 2 days only. By that time, the pain should be to a point where Advil or Tylenol will suffice. Even if he is given pain meds, it won't be much and when they're gone, they're gone.

NoelleR

"...I think it is ridiculous that he is getting the tooth pulled rather than a root canal, but that's a whole another story..."

It really all depends on the person and his/her teeth/gums. I've had two root canals [the last one I lost the argument with the dentist; I preferred pulling to root canal (root canals are terribly painful AND very $$expensive$$)]. Within a year of each root canal, I had to have the teeth pulled (lousy gums/teeth-genetically), so in the long run, it cost me waaaaay more. This last time, I won the argument and just had the dang thing pulled.

Now, regarding pain meds. I don't know how recovered your BF is (if at all), but I'm a firm believer that just because a person abused drugs in the past doesn't mean they shouldn't have pain meds in the present. Quite frankly, it's none of my business what anybody else does-just me. As a recovered person, I get pain meds, and take them as prescribed, as needed (usually not very many for very long).

cessy68

Hi, blue....

2 things. Sometimes a tooth can't be saved via root canal. I had one, that I insisted on saveing. Well, 2 oral surgeons later and 3 root canals.... (on the same tooth) and over 3000.00 in bills, it still failed. Sometimes the root can have a crack, and they are unable to see that on xray. This can cause a perfectly performed root canal to 'fail', so in a 'normal' case of needed root canal, there is a 20% chance it will fail, (and you have to sign a waiver NOT to hold the Dr. liable.)---- then you are out a lot of money-- so some say sc*** the tooth, pull it for a lousy 500.00.

Thats one thing.

2nd thing..... the crazy part of just HOW much Cess hates/fears drugs. I had ALL 3 of my root canals without ANY novicane or topical numbing agents. (not recommended by cessy, highly traumatic and painful).

When the time came to finally pull my failed tooth, I begged, and begged to do it without novicane and they flat out rufused. I cried like a baby, got it pulled, and didn't look back. They offered me pain meds...... and almost laughed as they did, because they KNEW I wouldn't take em. Bottom line to that story is the pain IN the bad tooth was SOOOO much worse than any pain after extraction..... it was NO biggie at all.

Lastly, I understand your concerns. However, unless you babysit him, he's going to have to learn to tell Dr.'s and Dentists that he is a recovered addict, and needs options regarding pain management. (my old boss has 22 yrs clean and told me he does this EVERY time he sees the SAME DR. just ot make sure they get, that he does not wish to compromise HIS sobriety.) Perhaps you could simply mention this to your rabf, and then leave the responsiblity up to him.

Love,
Cess

suki44883

I agree with cessy when it comes to toothache pain. I'd rather go through labor without any meds than ever feel that excrutiating pain again. In my opinion, there is nothing worse.

cessy68

had to laugh, Cessy did this as well, 3 natural births.... not even a dang tylenol!



I am so afraid of drugs, that I'll obviously never 'understand' addiction.

itisatruth

You're not coming across as a whiny control-freak at all .....seems that dealing with addiction from a spouse's perspective, like we have, and trusting the RA with this sort of thing is something that takes time, getting used to that trust, and letting go. I have better days but I also have days that there is that worry.

I imagine the amount of pain depends of a number of things but to answer your question - my rAH had three teeth pulled last week with only a topical (?) anesthesia (to save money) and no pain pills - only Advil.

outtolunch

He's an adult and responsible for his own choices and consequences.

You have no control over what he does or not.

Is it acceptable to you that he is not employed?

Just curious, who pays for his medical and dental care?

As an aside, if he's a smoker, smoking significantly increases the likelihood of " dry socket" and other healing complications. ( I am not ragging on smoking, just saying)

Freedom1990

I had to have an impacted wisdom tooth removed just about 90 days after I had gotten clean/sober. I was honest with the dentist about my past history with addiction/alcoholism.

I was given a very short term course of pain meds, and thank God that I was. I ended up with a dry socket twice! I did give my pills to my then sponsor to make sure that I didn't abuse them.

There was no one to 'worry' about how I was going to handle it. I was a single mother, on my own, starting over in a whole different town (where I had gone through rehab).

I am grateful for all the learning experiences God has given me in my recovery.

teke

i agree with cessy too, i'd rather have a baby than to have a toothache but imo, nothing compares to the pain of addiction. i think if he's truly serious about staying stopped, he'll take responsibility for his own drug intake and for informing his dr of his addiction

in the last 2yrs i've had 2 major surgeries, 1 was a life threatening emergency, i was given "tons" of different kinds of pain meds but it was up to me to monitor my own drug intake. it was my responsiblity to inform my drs of my addiction.

you see, i am to this day, willing to do whatever i have to do to stay sober, so i would have to say, try to keep focusing on you. you can monitor him and advise him as much as you would like but you can not stop him from abusing drugs if thats what he decides to do.

hello-kitty

As an RA and a human being, I would be so annoyed (to say the least) if my significant other told me that I should have a tooth pulled without pain medicine. I don't like people to try to control me. I am an adult. Part of being an adult is making my own decisions AND suffering the consequences. (or reaping the benefits). I would hope that my significant other would allow me the dignity of making choices and experiencing the results of those choices.

If my significant other couldn't trust me to make good choices, well, I'd question why they were with me in the first place.

If I am going to abuse drugs, no one is going to stop me.

If I am having a tooth pulled, well it's my choice to take or not take pain meds. All I want from my significant other is a little love and respect through the process.

bluebelle

Thanks for the responses. I'm not going to say anything to him. He's a big boy and can make his own decisions. If he wants to be sober, he will do what he needs to do.

I don't like the fact that he is not working. Last month, he got two jobs, and was fired from both of them. He has quite a bit of savings, and wants to live off of that until he finds the "right" job.

He pays for all of his own stuff. He actually pays more than I because he has more. He used to make much more than me, and he worked really hard at saving. It bothers me that he sits around most of the day getting little done. He is working on classes on his own. He will tell me how much he accomplished during the day, or how tired he is. This seems to me to be quacking, so I just have to do the ol' "uh huh" thing.

It seems to me that he should have gotten a job by now, he should have gotten the tooth fixed sooner, etc., etc. I'm trying to take my mind off of focusing on what he should be doing and turn it to my own life. I think I'm focused too much on believing that if he got his own stuff together, my life would automatically be better.

bluebelle

Actually, I asked him about the pain meds. It came up in conversation because he was discussing the procedure. He says he isn't going to have any pain meds and will stick with the Orajel. He thinks he will have less pain once the procedure is over. We had a normal conversation without any arguing or yelling.

outtolunch

This is poetry.

ABR

I am a female and am here after math of an extraction. If I can do it without pain meds he can to although I am in pain n just want to sleep my sobriety is more important and so are my kids so tell ur honey to get it together im a 29 year old female just dealing with it and I'm three years sober.

AnvilheadII

Hi ABR, i see you are brand new. this thread happens to be five years old. might be best to introduce yourself in a new thread so we can get to know you! WELCOME.