can some one explain.........
~ still a believer ~
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 141
can some one explain.........
so we've all done crap (sober or not) that we have regrets about
day nine here...............and the remorse is overwhelming!
emotions are just running rampant..........and the mind racing is ridiculous.
surely I have done some thing right in my life.............and all that is surfacing is crap that makes me feel like sh&t!
yes, I understand it has to do with removing my "numbing gel"
but why not 4 days ago, and why "everything ALL at once" ?
and the nightmares continue..........
it wont buckle me............IT WONT !!!!
just is aggravating the "you know" outta me for some reason.
day nine here...............and the remorse is overwhelming!
emotions are just running rampant..........and the mind racing is ridiculous.
surely I have done some thing right in my life.............and all that is surfacing is crap that makes me feel like sh&t!
yes, I understand it has to do with removing my "numbing gel"
but why not 4 days ago, and why "everything ALL at once" ?
and the nightmares continue..........
it wont buckle me............IT WONT !!!!
just is aggravating the "you know" outta me for some reason.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Yeah, I was tormented by guilt and shame for a long time, and I really didn't know how to deal with it.
Have you tried some kind of physical exercise?
And, journalling can help...writing down some of the negative thoughts can help to take away their power.
My experience is, that there is no way around these feelings, but, try to remember that they are just feelings. They don't own you. Let them go.
Have you tried some kind of physical exercise?
And, journalling can help...writing down some of the negative thoughts can help to take away their power.
My experience is, that there is no way around these feelings, but, try to remember that they are just feelings. They don't own you. Let them go.
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
but why not 4 days ago, and why "everything ALL at once" ?
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this now. It's tough but you are sober and on here instead of picking up a drink.
Are you going down the AA route? The 12 Steps are used to deal with all these sorts of feelings.
Take care.
Are you going down the AA route? The 12 Steps are used to deal with all these sorts of feelings.
Take care.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
CONGRATULATIONS ON 9 DAYS!
Ah, the guilt, shame & remorse. Those are the biggest reasons that people relapse. I know it caused me to relapse more times than I can honestly count. It's good that you are identifying that and sharing it with us. Don't ever stuff your feelings. It's not like you're going to be standing in the line at the grocery and someone comes up, taps you on the shoulder and says,"Hey, aren't you din from SoberRecovery?" Whatever you say or ask on here is going to stay on here. When I got Clean, I didn't know anything about SR. I had about 2 years when I found this great place. So share away, my friend. And believe me, I don't think there's anything you can say that will just shock the hell out of us. Alot of us have been around the Rooms for many years and have just about heard it all. Ok?
Stop and think how long it took you to get to the point you were at when you said enoughs enough. It didn't happen in 9 days, so it's going to take some more time before you begin to start feeling "normal" again. (If there is such a thing as normal! lol) I'm glad you're identifying that the feelings are all rushing at you because you've removed the alcohol from your system. Here's something that helped me. . . remember, This Too Shall Pass. You won't feel like this forever. I can promise you that. Here's some more words you will hear quite often, take things, One Day at A Time.
I try to envision my disease as a big, evil monster. Everytime I get through a feeling of wanting to use, feeling overwhelmed, being angry, lonley, bored, bitchy, etc, I take away just a little bit of power away from the monster. Kinda like when you let a little bit of air out of one of those big blow up characters. I can smile and say to the disease, "Well, I won this time you M*th*r F*ck*r!" It feels really good when I imagine deflating it a little bit more.
Please continue to share what's going on with you. That's the absolute best way to work through your feelings and to also realize that we have all been there, what you're feeling in normal. Make out a gratitude list. List all the things you are grateful for from the roof over your head, staying warm, food, clothes on your back, family, friends . . . even things like the sun when it's shining, hearing a kid laugh, laughing at a good joke. All those things you took for granted when you were drinking.
Keep Coming Back!
God Bless,
Judy
Ah, the guilt, shame & remorse. Those are the biggest reasons that people relapse. I know it caused me to relapse more times than I can honestly count. It's good that you are identifying that and sharing it with us. Don't ever stuff your feelings. It's not like you're going to be standing in the line at the grocery and someone comes up, taps you on the shoulder and says,"Hey, aren't you din from SoberRecovery?" Whatever you say or ask on here is going to stay on here. When I got Clean, I didn't know anything about SR. I had about 2 years when I found this great place. So share away, my friend. And believe me, I don't think there's anything you can say that will just shock the hell out of us. Alot of us have been around the Rooms for many years and have just about heard it all. Ok?
Stop and think how long it took you to get to the point you were at when you said enoughs enough. It didn't happen in 9 days, so it's going to take some more time before you begin to start feeling "normal" again. (If there is such a thing as normal! lol) I'm glad you're identifying that the feelings are all rushing at you because you've removed the alcohol from your system. Here's something that helped me. . . remember, This Too Shall Pass. You won't feel like this forever. I can promise you that. Here's some more words you will hear quite often, take things, One Day at A Time.
I try to envision my disease as a big, evil monster. Everytime I get through a feeling of wanting to use, feeling overwhelmed, being angry, lonley, bored, bitchy, etc, I take away just a little bit of power away from the monster. Kinda like when you let a little bit of air out of one of those big blow up characters. I can smile and say to the disease, "Well, I won this time you M*th*r F*ck*r!" It feels really good when I imagine deflating it a little bit more.
Please continue to share what's going on with you. That's the absolute best way to work through your feelings and to also realize that we have all been there, what you're feeling in normal. Make out a gratitude list. List all the things you are grateful for from the roof over your head, staying warm, food, clothes on your back, family, friends . . . even things like the sun when it's shining, hearing a kid laugh, laughing at a good joke. All those things you took for granted when you were drinking.
Keep Coming Back!
God Bless,
Judy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Remorse is common to us all - I had to remember that today is the only day I could do anything about. Yesterday and tomorrow are equally untouchable.
I found living a good life from now on and being the best man I can be helps make amends
Early recovery is about uncovered emotions - the intensity and timing may even be a part of PAWS
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
D
I found living a good life from now on and being the best man I can be helps make amends
Early recovery is about uncovered emotions - the intensity and timing may even be a part of PAWS
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
D
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Yeah...the remorse and guilt are.....just awful.
There are a couple of memories though, that I hope to always remember, because they keep me sober. I never have to do those awful things again...so long as I keep myself sober. It's worth it for that alone.
Good luck to you and welcome to SR.
There are a couple of memories though, that I hope to always remember, because they keep me sober. I never have to do those awful things again...so long as I keep myself sober. It's worth it for that alone.
Good luck to you and welcome to SR.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
Being able to forgive ourselves is one of sobriety's greatest gifts. Unfortunately, it doesn't often come right away(it takes a little work and acceptance). The remorse usually comes first, and it is a bad feeling. Our feelings are so raw when we first quit using, it is confusing. Please be kind to yourself, know that you are fighting a disease that doesn't like to lose. It will try to draw you back in while you are still vulnerable.
Please know that it will get easier once you are able to accept that you have a disease and that you are not a bad person because of it. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions, even "normal people". Most important, know that you don't have to go through it alone, we are here and we understand, many of us were once where you are now, and many of us are going through the same thing as we speak.
It does get better, I promise
Cathy
Please know that it will get easier once you are able to accept that you have a disease and that you are not a bad person because of it. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions, even "normal people". Most important, know that you don't have to go through it alone, we are here and we understand, many of us were once where you are now, and many of us are going through the same thing as we speak.
It does get better, I promise Cathy
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