at what point has he had enough?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 1
at what point has he had enough?
This has been buggin me, and I need to vent. My brother gets drunk. I know there are so many degrees of intoxication, you have the happy drunks, angry drunks and all those in between. Unfortunately in my situation, he gets...
...hmm.
A word can't describe it. Let me paint you a picture. He's 26 years old. He can be sober for about a week at the most. In those last few days he gets a twitch, and has a rude, secretive demeanor. Poof, he sneeks out. An hour or so later he's back. I know where he when, it's just a question of how many bottles of booze did he buy this time? Who did he steal the money from this time?
He's kind enough to share one last moment of sobriety before he locks himself into his room. From there the house is silent and tense. I can only imagine just how far he's going to take it this time. In the past he's gotten pretty violent and choked my mother, had a seizure and bite a hole in his tongue, and crawled into bed fully nude with my uncle over the holidays. He likes to snear and point his finger a lot and say "Your Fault!" in a sluring, gruff voice.
He's lost most of his friends and got a felony because of his drinking, destruction of public property. Basically, was at his apartment with girlfriend at the time, intoxed and arguing, had to goto detox, and after detox, destroyed a phone when he couldn't think of who to call. Later that year, passed out and rolled his car up an embankment. Police found him walking home.
I can't stay angry with him for very long for without my assistance, or my families, he would surely die. Within the first 6 hours, he completely blacks out and is running purely on instinct. That instinct tells him to keep on drinking. Since we don't allow smoking in the house, never have, his instinct tells him to go out to the garage for a smoke.
Now keep in mind, he is so far gone, he's like the walking dead, shuffling his feet with his poor balance, bumping into everything in the way. His robe likes to get caught in doors very often. Now when he's in the garage, he'll pass out halfway though his cigarette, even if it's freezing outside. You know it happens often by the amount of burn holes in his robe. He'll "come to" in about 10 mins, claw at the door handle from the bottom step and crawl his way back to his room.
This routine of going back and forth to the garage happens every few hours, except when I think he's passed out in his room. I guess you could describe him as a Zombie, just like all the movies, just in need of booze instead of blood.
You can't have a conversation with him, it won't register, most of the time he's non-responsive. There are moments when he'll be sober enough to walk and talk. This is when we make sure he gets his daily meal so at least we know he's eating. However I can see him deteriorating from the inside out. I can't stress enough, he's like the walking dead.
This is a pretty close example, my father agrees, only we put up with this all day, every day.
He'll drink like this anywhere from 3-4 days and up to 9 in a row, then repeats the cycle. Currently drunk as we speak, looks like he has rug burn on his nose and he broke his glasses. I can't have any friends over cause sometimes he walks around the house naked.
I've said everything I can say to him, how ever I think he doesn't believe what he's doing when he's drunk. I think I may have to start shooting some video. I would never be rude and put it up on youtube, but I really feel that he needs to see how close he is to death when he drinks.
I'm praying everyday that his wakeup call will come!!! I love him so much and hope he knows he has so many people that are there for him. He used to be the smartest one in the family, and had an amazing wit. Now I just want a sober, healthy brother.
...hmm.
A word can't describe it. Let me paint you a picture. He's 26 years old. He can be sober for about a week at the most. In those last few days he gets a twitch, and has a rude, secretive demeanor. Poof, he sneeks out. An hour or so later he's back. I know where he when, it's just a question of how many bottles of booze did he buy this time? Who did he steal the money from this time?
He's kind enough to share one last moment of sobriety before he locks himself into his room. From there the house is silent and tense. I can only imagine just how far he's going to take it this time. In the past he's gotten pretty violent and choked my mother, had a seizure and bite a hole in his tongue, and crawled into bed fully nude with my uncle over the holidays. He likes to snear and point his finger a lot and say "Your Fault!" in a sluring, gruff voice.
He's lost most of his friends and got a felony because of his drinking, destruction of public property. Basically, was at his apartment with girlfriend at the time, intoxed and arguing, had to goto detox, and after detox, destroyed a phone when he couldn't think of who to call. Later that year, passed out and rolled his car up an embankment. Police found him walking home.
I can't stay angry with him for very long for without my assistance, or my families, he would surely die. Within the first 6 hours, he completely blacks out and is running purely on instinct. That instinct tells him to keep on drinking. Since we don't allow smoking in the house, never have, his instinct tells him to go out to the garage for a smoke.
Now keep in mind, he is so far gone, he's like the walking dead, shuffling his feet with his poor balance, bumping into everything in the way. His robe likes to get caught in doors very often. Now when he's in the garage, he'll pass out halfway though his cigarette, even if it's freezing outside. You know it happens often by the amount of burn holes in his robe. He'll "come to" in about 10 mins, claw at the door handle from the bottom step and crawl his way back to his room.
This routine of going back and forth to the garage happens every few hours, except when I think he's passed out in his room. I guess you could describe him as a Zombie, just like all the movies, just in need of booze instead of blood.
You can't have a conversation with him, it won't register, most of the time he's non-responsive. There are moments when he'll be sober enough to walk and talk. This is when we make sure he gets his daily meal so at least we know he's eating. However I can see him deteriorating from the inside out. I can't stress enough, he's like the walking dead.
This is a pretty close example, my father agrees, only we put up with this all day, every day.
He'll drink like this anywhere from 3-4 days and up to 9 in a row, then repeats the cycle. Currently drunk as we speak, looks like he has rug burn on his nose and he broke his glasses. I can't have any friends over cause sometimes he walks around the house naked.
I've said everything I can say to him, how ever I think he doesn't believe what he's doing when he's drunk. I think I may have to start shooting some video. I would never be rude and put it up on youtube, but I really feel that he needs to see how close he is to death when he drinks.
I'm praying everyday that his wakeup call will come!!! I love him so much and hope he knows he has so many people that are there for him. He used to be the smartest one in the family, and had an amazing wit. Now I just want a sober, healthy brother.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Pardon my frankness.. but..
How do you know? Because right now it seems he's doing a great job on killing himself WITH everyone's assistance.
It's hard to respond to this without additional details.. Is there a reason that your parents are ok with him drinking in their home? Why does he still live there as an adult? Where are the 'rules' and boundaries around his drinking if he's going to live in someone else's home? Does he work and pay his own bills/rent?
As long as I had a soft place to land, I stayed as drunk as I could.. A warm home, nice meals, a place to get as drunk as a skunk with no apparent rules or consequence? Sounds like he's got every drunks dream home. (I say this a bit facetiously.. but so close to the truth).
I'm sorry you have to go through this.. there will be a lot of people that have lots of experience loving alcoholics that will give you better guidance than I can probably. Please try to focus on YOUR wellbeing for now.
I can't stay angry with him for very long for without my assistance, or my families, he would surely die.
It's hard to respond to this without additional details.. Is there a reason that your parents are ok with him drinking in their home? Why does he still live there as an adult? Where are the 'rules' and boundaries around his drinking if he's going to live in someone else's home? Does he work and pay his own bills/rent?
As long as I had a soft place to land, I stayed as drunk as I could.. A warm home, nice meals, a place to get as drunk as a skunk with no apparent rules or consequence? Sounds like he's got every drunks dream home. (I say this a bit facetiously.. but so close to the truth).
I'm sorry you have to go through this.. there will be a lot of people that have lots of experience loving alcoholics that will give you better guidance than I can probably. Please try to focus on YOUR wellbeing for now.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
we put up with this all day, every day.
Why?
As long as everyone in the house is accepting unacceptable behavior, nothing will change.
Welcome to the SoberRecovery Family!
You have found a great resource of information and support for yourself.
I have found the three C's of addiction helpful in dealing with alcoholics:
I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it
The only thing I am in control of is myself. I control what I will accept and how I will respond.
You and your parents may find counseling and/or Alanon meetings helpful in learning to handle life with an alcoholic. I find the face to face support of Alanon meetings comforting. I understand that I am not alone. I understand that other people love alcoholics too, but need help in coping with the chaos.
Why?
As long as everyone in the house is accepting unacceptable behavior, nothing will change.
Welcome to the SoberRecovery Family!
You have found a great resource of information and support for yourself.
I have found the three C's of addiction helpful in dealing with alcoholics:
I did not cause it
I can not control it
I will not cure it
The only thing I am in control of is myself. I control what I will accept and how I will respond.
You and your parents may find counseling and/or Alanon meetings helpful in learning to handle life with an alcoholic. I find the face to face support of Alanon meetings comforting. I understand that I am not alone. I understand that other people love alcoholics too, but need help in coping with the chaos.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
I am sorry....that sounds absolutely horrible and terrifying. Now, what can you do about you today? You can begin to take charge of your life today, regardless of what your brother chooses to do. It can be something really small like playing with a pet, or singing in the shower...anything that will bring you some fun, joy, and a moment of peace.
I read a good book called "How Alanon Works" and the library had it. That book opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. In fact for parts of it I thought the author had a front row to my life.
Again, I'm sorry for what brought you here but I am glad you have found us.
I read a good book called "How Alanon Works" and the library had it. That book opened my eyes to a new way of seeing things. In fact for parts of it I thought the author had a front row to my life.
Again, I'm sorry for what brought you here but I am glad you have found us.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Welcome!
You have a lot of love in your heart and care about your brother.
Unfortunately, you can't save him.
He is an adult and can save himself.
You can be ready to help if he asks for it.
You can move out if he is making your life unhappy worrying over him.
You can share your concerns with him in a sober moment.
But you can't change his behavior against his will.
Good luck.
Stick around.
Hugs,
Wife
You have a lot of love in your heart and care about your brother.
Unfortunately, you can't save him.
He is an adult and can save himself.
You can be ready to help if he asks for it.
You can move out if he is making your life unhappy worrying over him.
You can share your concerns with him in a sober moment.
But you can't change his behavior against his will.
Good luck.
Stick around.
Hugs,
Wife
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