FenwayFaithful

I was 5 days away from being 1 month sober ( i even made it through xmas AND new years eve even though everyone was drinking) but I broke that tonight. I found out my boyfriend might be going to Afgan because he may be getting kicked out of his school he goes to the US military academy and owes the army 5 years. He did something stupid and now he might get kicked out and if he doesnt he doesn't get to see me until the summer, and thats only for a few weeks. I called him on Friday and found out about this in a 2 minute conversation and haven't heard from him since. Everything else is ****** up. I don't go to meetings...i dont know where they are and im too young....and im not an alcoholic seriously. im not im only 21. i just like to drink to deal with my problems so i figured i should give it up but i really just can't deal with life and i know this isn't the best way to deal with it but i can't think of any other way because i honestly can't handle not knowing how the love of my life is and it hurts that he is ignoring me i know he needs to deal with this but i just want to know what's going on and i need him right now because of stuff that's going on in my life and somehow drinking numbs that. i have a bottle of vodka next to me and ive drank maybe 1/4th of that and i want to drink more because the longer he goes without talking to me, the more it hurts and the more everything else seems to suck...should i go to a meeting or something even though im not an alcoholic? i saw a shrink but i cant afford a real one so it was just at my college and i didnt really like talking to her abut stuff so i dont know what to do . i really though i could not drink and its not that i can control it, i just needed something to help me deal with all this

Horselover

(((Fenway))) Life is so very hard at times. The good comes and goes and so does the bad. I wish we could just make everything better instantly, but not so. The HARDEST part about being sober was learning to live through these times and deal with the emotions. Alcohol will not make the sadness go away. Believe me! I've tried it myself. It makes the sadness ten times worse.

Glad you are here and posting and you are never to young to go try a meeting. I was in my early 20s when I went to AA. Wish I had stopped back then, but I continued on. I hope you have more sense then me.

Dee74

Hi Fenway

The worst decision I ever made in my life was trying to drink my problems away. It doesn't work - and you must know this already - the problems are all still there when you sober up.

At the moment you're not even sure whats happening - you just drinking over stuff that may not even happen. Try and get in touch with your bf and talk some of your worries and concerns out, ok?

I think whatever you can do to get support right now is a good thing.

I'm not in AA so someone may correct me, but as I understand it, all you need to attend AA is have the desire to stop drinking, and you seem to have that.

Maybe a crisis line might be helpful too?

At the very least they may put you in touch with people or organisations that can help.

I'm not sure how old you are but here's a youth hotline that may be able to help you find local counselling

National Youth Crisis Hotline: 800-442-HOPE (4673)
Provides counseling and referrals to local drug treatment centers, shelters, and counseling services. Operates 24 hours, seven days a week.

D

louis

Hi

I agree with horselover and Dee.... drinking never solves a problem... its always worse when you wake up cos then you have the hangover to deal with...
Your never too young to go to a meeting.... and Dee is right... the only requirement to attend an AA meeting is the desire to stop drinking... many dont believe/cant admit there alcoholics when they first go...

You seem to have a lot going on just now... i hope it does work out for you and that you try and get some support.. phone the number Dee posted...

Take care

Tazman53

FenwayFaithful I am an alcoholic & you know when I had any type of problem I used alcohol as a solution.

There was a day and a time I just knew I could not be an alcoholic because I had a family, I had held the same job for about 25 years. I thought an alcoholic was some homeless person who lived under a bridge and was wearing a couple of WWII coats. Here is a little test to take that may help you decide if you are an alcoholic or not Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?, be as honest as you can when answering the questions.

In regards to going to meetings, as already stated all it takes to be a member of AA is a desire to stop drinking.

Age????? You are 21, I know a young man who is 18 and has over a year clean & sober using AA. Not knowing where you are located I can not say for sure, but most areas, especially if there is a college in town there are AA meetings right on or around campus full of people you age and some even younger.

Alcoholism has no respect for age, gender, social status, or race. You name the profession or position and there are alcoholics.

Pick up your phone book, call your local AA hotline, ask about beginners meetings and younger peoples meetings.

Go to some meetings, what do you have to lose?

FenwayFaithful

You all make very good points. I live in Boston, which is full of colleges. The area I live in is kind of rough with lots of drinking and drugs that go on so I have seen first hand what can go on because of this. I really don’t know if I have a problem, and I honestly don’t believe I am alcoholic but I guess that’s what everyone says. I’ll check out that test that Tazman posted and maybe that will help be gain some perspective on the situation. My life is just kind of in shambles right now. I know I’m 21 and it probably seems like I can’t have any real problems…but I have to deal with some pretty heavy stuff for a college student or anyone really. On top of that, I have three jobs, work full time and go to school.
I guess this begins day 1 of starting over. That’s something I’m used to though—starting over. I’ve had the last few days off work because of a family emergency and I think that’s part of what contributed to this. When things in my life are at their worst I like to keep busy. I honestly can’t justify why the hell I drink. People have reported me at school because they were worried about how much I drink and thought I had a problem and friends are always telling me to cool it on the drinking. I hide it pretty well from my parents but I’m sure they would not be pleased ether. It honestly doesn’t help, not really other than allowing me to pass out and numb things a little bit. For a little while, until I wake up the next morning and feel like an idiot for drinking and still have the same problems to deal with. So NO it doesn’t make sense, that’s what I said before I drink and after I drink and even WHILE I drink and yet when I get really upset …or even when I just feel like drinking for no particular reason..I’m back to that. It doesn’t make sense and I really just can’t figure it out.

But like I said, you're all really helpful in allowing me to gain some perspective an analyze the situation so thank you very much.

intention

Hi and welcome.

We probably have all told ourselves we are not alcoholics but a normal drinker doesn't get pulled into drinking alcohol like you are.

The more I read of this forum the more I see that there are many alcoholics like me who don't drink every day, who don't drink when when they get up in the morning, who don't need medical detox, who haven't lost their job/home/family etc. But we are still all alcoholics.

I think you have had some good advice and hope you can take it on board particularly as life is so tough for you right now.
Take care and keep in touch.

Tazman53

After I had been sober a bit I took that test as if I was 18...... I scored a 4, no big deal, but keep in mind that alcoholism is a progressive problem, as long as an alcoholic drinks things always get worse, they never level off or get better, it always gets worse. In taking that test at the end of my drinking at the age of 52 I scored an 11.... progressive? In my experience YES!

Most alcoholics when they are brutally honest can not justify thier drinking either. I drank because I was happy, sad, or mad.... in the end I drank because I had no choice but to drink.

Oh how I can relate, my family was in my case for a lot of years, but I just knew for a long time that I did not have a problem, it was the world that was wrong... not me! One of the primary symptoms of alcoholism is DENIAL of a drinking problem. I had the B]DENIAL [/B] deal going on in spades!

I used alcohol as a solution for things.

Oh yea, I spent many a year doing that, this was the period where I was beginning to realize that drinking was not a solution to my problems, it just made them worse and created even more of them.

Have you ever felt that your drinking is a bit on the insane side? I sure did. I found a solution not only for my drinking, but for living life.

keithj

Fenway,

The 'test' for alcoholism from AA's Big Book (1st Ed.) is on page 44. "If, when you honestly want to, you find you can not quit drinking entirely, or if when drinking you find you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic."

So, you can ask yourself if you honestly wanted to stop drinking and were unable to. You made a decision not to drink, and less than a month later you are drinking.

I know what you're saying because I said it myself for years. I lived under the delusion that I didn't really try to stop and failed. I just changed my mind about being sober. I just had some life circumstances that made it OK to drink.

When that delusion got shattered for me, I saw that what I really had going on was a mental obsession. The more removed from booze I got, the more crazy I got, and the more a drink seemed like the answer.

bdiddy5522

Sorry for what you are going through. Just remember: There is nothing so bad in life that a drink won't make worse.

bdiddy5522

Oh, and I would like to encourage you to listen to Taz. That guy is an amazing example to follow with some serious wisdom. When I first started coming here, I didn't like to hear what he had to say, and I hated his opinions. Turns out he was just telling me what I needed to hear! His thoughts are true wisdom that can really help.

Tazman53

Thanks bdiddy, but all I am doing is freely passing on to others what other folks in AA have freely passed on to me, what I say here is not really me talking, it is thousands of others experience that has been handed down to me and many others.

Yea I had a lot said to me that I did not really want to hear, main reason was because the truth hurts! But the truth also set me free!

Sugah

I date my active alcoholism (the time when I began to seek out and find, on a regular basis, alcohol for the express purpose of drinking to oblivion) from age 9, though my response to my first drunk at age 6 was definitely alcoholic (resulting in a black out, drinking even though I sensed it was wrong and sensed I'd get in trouble, drinking even after I started to "feel funny" because I had a compulsion to drink more).

Age doesn't have anything to do with it. Age doesn't have anything to do with recovery, either. One of my dearest friends in recovery is 21. She's been sober five years. I've heard her story -- she's definitely alcoholic.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

bdiddy5522

Taz- That is all information is. NONE of ANYTHING we know is our own. It is all things that have been given to us, and sobriety wisdom is not any different. What I am saying is you have been given the AA knowledge, and now you are sharing it. Thanks for doing so.

How are you today Fenway? Keep checking in and together we CAN be sober.

FenwayFaithful

Okay so the day after I posted this I got drunk again that night. I was out with friends and they were going to go to bars after dinner but my best friend I weren’t going to go. I really wanted to go but I decided after reading your posts here, I figured it wasn’t the best idea. Well I was doing pretty well at dinner, drinking Diet Coke when a friend had me try a sip of her drink. I figured it couldn’t kill me, so I tried it and it was really good. So I ordered that drink and figured okay, one drink can’t be that bad…then one turned into two, and two turned into three and then that turned into us deciding to go out to bars an 200 dollars later I’m sitting in my friends car pretty wasted. Then I got some really bad news… I remember the phone call and taking a bottle of Patron from my friends liquor cabinet and then I blacked out at some point after that. My friend took my license… obviously I’m going to have to get a new one and I know she did it because she cares about me but honestly I’m sitting here and all I can think about is how much I want a drink right now. I’m upset still and things have only been getting worse the past couple days. The more I think about this and the more I consider all the wise words of wisdom you all have for me, the more I think I might have a problem. I can see that in my head, but I don’t know that I can really stop myself from drinking. Honestly I know the second I get my ID back I’m going to end up at the liquor store. I fool myself in believing I have so much more control than I do. It’s not that I have to drink exactly…but I want to enough that I don’t bother stopping myself.

This is really frustrating. I don't know what I want. I know drinking is SO not the way to deal with my life but it just takes the edge off and I need that. I'm seriously dying for a drink right now like its a hunger or something.

I really appreciate all the replies from each and everyone of you, you've all been really helpful in helping me gain some perspective. Now I guess it's up to me to decide or admit I have a problem or whatever and try and stop.

Sugah

I remember what that feels like. At the point that I felt it, taking the drink and needing the drink were equally fatal. I had to find a way to not to need it.

Are you ready to do something about it?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

bdiddy5522

Fenway- Thank you for sharing. It took courage to tell us what you just did. Everything you just explained is exactly why we as alcoholics can NOT take that first drink. We know what is going to happen whenever we do that. We will either wind up getting drunk (which is what happened to you this time) or sit there thinking about how we WISH we could get drunk. Either way is not a good way to live.

There is help available when you are ready. But until you are ready, there is not much we can do to help you. Are you ready to do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober and be HAPPY with life?

NEOMARXIST

I knew I had a "problem" with booze from age 20 really. I was not willing to finally acknowledge the truth that i was an alcoholic untill i was 23.

I am 24 now and it's the hardest but the best decision I ever made. Just for today I will not drink. I can then work on making my life how it should be.