Shamperz

Hi there

Compared to a lot, my girlfriends problem might not seem as severe as others, but know that if something isnt done to nip it in the bud, that it might escallate.

Ive been her for a little over two years (now both 32 and reunited from when we were childhood sweethearts - aww i know). Before she moved in mid summer this year, I didnt think much to the fact that whenever we saw eachother we were drinking (either a little or a lot) because it was the weekend and thats what you do.

I even didnt think much when I found ever increasing bottles of wine and empty cans clinking around in her car as she told me it was for recycling

Since moving in I realise the situation is slightly more serious. Ive always had a rule for myself of not drinking during the working week (with exception) for both financial and health reasons. It was soon the case that there was an excuse to drink most nights (usually wine - one to three bottles) and thought this was just a phase but its carried on.

I later found lots of empty cans hidden away in wierd places in the basement. I confronted her about two months ago and she came clean saying that she could have a problem - "BUT IM NOT AN ALCOHOLC!"
I told her that one way or another she needed to deal with it.

Skip forward to today after two or three more confrontations and im still worried.
We are both unemployed and down to our last £40. I said we couldnt afford any drink for a while and she agreed but last night found that she was sloping off to the basememt again for a cheeky can or four. I know this because of her breath and gassy burps when coming back up and because of the can I found hidden in the bin this morning.

I know that if I ask her about it she will kick off again talking about how I dont trust her and that she doesnt lie etc but her excuses are always really weak and hate to hear her lying to me.
Yes she drinks too much but at the moment that isnt the problem. Ive known of people openly drinking a lot more than her in volume but its where, when and why shes doing it that concerns me the most.

I dont know if I should say anything about last night and really need help.

Sorry about length but there is even more to the story but dont want to bore.

Please help.

Rusty Zipper

hiya shamp

been there, done that, mines dead.

maybe say something about last night one more time,

as you mentioned, you may get the same reply,

or patronized to all hell!

after that,

just work on yourself...

and when i hear kings like this,

it always reminds me of a great line from a book...

"Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one."

good wishes shamp

Shamperz

Dead? You mean the relationship I hope?

Its not the fact shes drinking, or even the money. Its the secrecy and lying that cuts the most. I dont think shes a lost cause at all and think with some work we could be back on track (even though she blisfully thinks were not off it).
Im not a great one for confrontation but when its come to light we usually come to a stale mate. She wont admit it and gets angry when I say shes lying. She tries to make me believe that im mistaken all the time in the things ive seen.
And shes even taken it to ultimatum before i.e. trust me or we should split up. Call her bluff you might say but its not an easy one to call when it comes out of the blue and you dont want it to happen.

Rusty Zipper

shamp,

yep, like gone, deceased, dead.

though the relationship goes on,

as i do see the good,

and most of the reasons she was put in my life.

and taboot, she was a SR member.

living with an active alcoholic is danger...

another great line,

"they will get us drunk, before we get them sober"

shamp, i have rock solid revovery, and came inches away from picking up.

Shamperz

I can totally relate. I used to be just a weekend drinker but its now the other way round. Were doing well to not drink two days out of seven! Its sometimes easier to say 'go on, just one'.

We have a deal in our local shop. three bottles of wine for £10. But I now realise its only a bargain if you drink how you would have done before but that isnt the case. If we buy three, we will drink three. Buying only one costs more per bottle but we will only drink the one.

Im more aware of this now than ever and am making efforts not to drink during the week again.

Fubarcdn

Wekcome to SR Champ.
I can relate to your situation but more to what your GF is doing. When you are a drinker it is always good t deflect the problem and put it on your mate.
I used to have drinking problems but I wasn't going to admit it and tried to deflect them into trust issues of my wife.
It worked well for years and I contently continued to drink.
The ultimatum thing came into play when she gave me the ultimatum to quit are we are done.
After much thought and determining that this time it wasn't an idle threat I quit drinking because my relationship with my wife is more important than my love affair with booze.
I do not recommend you give HER an ultimatum because it may not turn out like you want.
People will only address their drinking problems when they are ready to.
Good luck to you.

IO Storm

A precious soul to me called two months ago..."I'm getting help, my life's out of control,

but I don't think I'm an alcoholic, maybe just a heavy drinker."

They didn't get help.

A few days ago...another call.

"I'm getting help.."

They told me a horrific story of the last escapade.

"But I don't know if I'm alcoholic, maybe a heavy drinker..."

You know..I am sooo close to them...that I actually mentally obsessed on alcohol for a day.

I, too, have solid rock recovery.

"I'm getting help tomorrow, I'll let you know..."

And I haven't heard from them since.

Yes, the best thing to do is to back off and focus on yourself and take care of yourself

as much as lieth within you.

We cannot control anyone else.

My best to you shamp, and prayers for you both.