Shamperz

Hi there

Compared to a lot, my girlfriends problem might not seem as severe as others, but know that if something isnt done to nip it in the bud, that it might escallate.

Ive been her for a little over two years (now both 32 and reunited from when we were childhood sweethearts - aww i know). Before she moved in mid summer this year, I didnt think much to the fact that whenever we saw eachother we were drinking (either a little or a lot) because it was the weekend and thats what you do.

I even didnt think much when I found ever increasing bottles of wine and empty cans clinking around in her car as she told me it was for recycling

Since moving in I realise the situation is slightly more serious. Ive always had a rule for myself of not drinking during the working week (with exception) for both financial and health reasons. It was soon the case that there was an excuse to drink most nights (usually wine - one to three bottles) and thought this was just a phase but its carried on.

I later found lots of empty cans hidden away in wierd places in the basement. I confronted her about two months ago and she came clean saying that she could have a problem - "BUT IM NOT AN ALCOHOLC!"
I told her that one way or another she needed to deal with it.

Skip forward to today after two or three more confrontations and im still worried.
We are both unemployed and down to our last £40. I said we couldnt afford any drink for a while and she agreed but last night found that she was sloping off to the basememt again for a cheeky can or four. I know this because of her breath and gassy burps when coming back up and because of the can I found hidden in the bin this morning.

I know that if I ask her about it she will kick off again talking about how I dont trust her and that she doesnt lie etc but her excuses are always really weak and hate to hear her lying to me.
Yes she drinks too much but at the moment that isnt the problem. Ive known of people openly drinking a lot more than her in volume but its where, when and why shes doing it that concerns me the most.

I dont know if I should say anything about last night and really need help.

Sorry about length but there is even more to the story but dont want to bore.

Please help.

Shamperz

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bookwyrm

Welcome!

Hang in there - the forum can be a bit quiet on the weekends. I'm sure more folk will be by to respond to you soon!

In the meantime, have you read all of the sticky threads at the top of the forum? There is a huge amount of information there. I was amazed at how my story seemed to be repeated in them - it wasn't just me this was happening to!

I can't tell you what to do, I can only share my experience in the hope that you can get something from it. Living with an abusive alcoholic became too much and STBXAH (soon to be X alcoholic husband) and I separated over a year ago. My marriage has taken a heavy toll on my physical and mental well being but I'm on the road to recovery!

One thing I will say is that I found out, through 18 years of bitter experience, that you cannot 'make' another adult do what you want to. Unless she is willing to make changes in her life, for her, she will continue to do what she wants to do. She may tell you what you want to hear, get sober for a short period of time but unless she embraces recovery she won't change. Bearing this in mind, can you accept her for who she is right now? Please have a look at this sticky thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...potential.html

The only person you can change is you. I'd recommend reading Co Dependant No More for ways to cope with living with an alcoholic. Reading it really opened my eyes!


I'm glad you found this site - it has supported me and helped me more than I can describe. I hope you keep posting and find the same support here that I do. :ghug3

naive

hi shamperz-

alcoholics will lie to protect their drinking. they will hide it and lie to your face. they will say just about anything to avoid hassle about their drinking. they will drink themselves homeless.

here's an idea. why doesn't she get her own flat? then she can drink all she wants and you won't have to go on the breadline because of her.

any reasonable person would not drink their last £40. they would save it for food and electricity. alcoholics are not reasonable. mine would rather spend the £40 on pints and sit in a dark cold flat in the middle of the winter. it's crazy.

from what you've described, she's already hiding and lying to protect her habit.

might be time to let her suffer the consequences of her drinking.

you know what mine did? we were down to our last £10. i wanted it for the electricity meter (about to run out), he wanted it for pints. i argued with him, saying that was crazy to have a pint rather than be able to boil a kettle. he took the £10 and ripped it into 10 pieces. then he taped it all back together again and went out drinking. nuts!

Shamperz

In a way you join these forums looking for that magic wand answer but reality isnt that kind. It is however a real comfort to know that others are or have been through almost identical situations.

She moved in after nearly two years and because my house is already decked out, she had to sell most of her worldly goods. I feel some responsibility for that and asking her to move out would be as good as splitting up. Easier said and not quite there yet but thanks. Sucks about the tener. Start selling his stuff. lol

tjp613

Thank goodness Naive is long-gone from her ABF. She suffered a great deal but she's well on her way to a better life now. (((Naive)))