Chino

I know many have said it before but I don't think it can be said enough... thank you for all the ES&H you share with the rest of us. You all have had an incredible impact on my perspective, and it extends beyond addiction.

greeteachday

Absolutely! It's wonderful having the experience and sharing of our "double winners." I think it is invaluable and truly helps us all to face reality and acceptance with compassion for our addicted loved ones.

Callie

OMigosh - FOR SURE. I would be clueless without all you RA's. Thank you so much and THANK you chino for putting this out there. Thank you RA's for sharing what I'm dealing with - my ah has pulled them all out on me and all of the RA's here and on SA have pinned him to the core. Thank you!

Seren

I'll second, third, and fourth that!!!!!

Done_With_It

Back at ya. I would never be where I am today had it not been for everyone here.

I'm living with an alcoholic right now, had it not been for reading so many stories here,
I would think I was insane. He can the most charming, nicest, and is the greatest manipulator I think I've ever met. I had no idea how deep or how bad people can be.
I am always amazed how much I have learned from this forum.

outtolunch

Ah yes. I am forever grateful to the RA's and RC's who frequent this forum. I owe my so called sanity to the collective wisdom that is so generously disbursed here, each and every day. And if it were not for the interjection of humor, I might have lost the ability to laugh at myself and this crazy world.

Well done ladies.

Callie

DWI. - I didnt' know you were living with an active A. Thank you for everything you've put out there inspite of it. Wow - just wow and thanks!

Impurrfect

When I came to SR, though I browsed through the SA forums, I found the F&F forum to be the one that felt like "home"...I just KNEW it was where I belonged. Though I now post on various forums, if it weren't for all of YOU, I would have never taken those first baby steps at my codie recovery, I never would have found out that "holy cow, life DOES get better when I stop focusing on everyone else BUT myself!!!"

I will forever be grateful to everyone here, and if anything I say helps you in YOUR life, well, that's even better

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

teke

OMG, i AM a ra but when i first came here, i was allowing my ah's addiction, to literally drive me insane. if it hadn't been for ALL of you, i just don't know if i could have made it to today. i had no way to get to a meeting so you guys were all i had and i'm forever grateful to you ALL for being here and being patient enough to even hear all the craziness i brought to this table.

i only thought i understood my own addiction but i knew nothing about how to live with/not live with someone elses until i found you guys. so thank you all.

Daisy09

Thanks so much for this thread! There are so many people who have helped me through some of the most difficult times of my life, but I want to especially thank (((((((((((((Amy & Jay)))))))))))))) without whom I seriously might have lost my mind. I spend a fair amount of time on the SA board, too, and I send my love, appreciation and good wishes to Anvil, Ananda, Ex-D Boy, Teke, Windysan, Northbelle, Lenina, Emmer, Dee, and oh, I know I'm forgetting so many wonderful people who, despite their own trouble and struggles have taken even just a few minutes of their lives to help me, a total stranger. SR is concrete proof of the goodness of humanity.

Love,
Daisy

Hunny1116

Please count me in too! I am new and have learned so much. Thank you to everyone for your honesty and for taking the time to share.
:ghug3
♥
Hunny

Chino

I used to read there all the time, searching for understanding. I learned a lot and when I need a reminder I head back over there. I always thought I was a compassionate person until I read about the struggles from the other side. Whether still in addiction and trying to find a way out, new to recovery or ongoing, they have all opened my heart and helped me gain a better understanding of what dignity means.

hello-kitty

Dignity means not doing for others what they can do for themselves.

Like my four year old - I allow him the dignity of getting dressed by himself in the mornings before school, even though he BEGS and BEGS for me to do it for him.

Just like when you are dealing with an addict in active addiction. Allow them the dignity of making good and bad choices and suffering from the logical consequences of drug use. Learning to make good choices and learning how to deal with consequences is a skill they are going to need when they finally decide they are ready to make changes in their lives. And we HAVE to back off in order to allow them that lesson.

We also have to treat ourselves with respect and enforce our personal boundaries, otherwise we are a bad example to everyone around us, including the addict.

Chino

After rehab my daughter told me that every time we enabled her, we made it harder on her. There were so many lessons she wasn't allowed to learn, and she said it made her feel like we thought she was weak and stupid. She came to resent us for that and she's still working her way through it.

It's taken her, the RA's here, and tough love towards myself, for me to be able to say with all the love in my heart "I love you and you know that's why I can't help you with _____."

I do that now with all my loved ones and I'm more at peace

hello-kitty

Oh wow Chino. I'm going to start using that line on my son when he asks me to put his socks on or to hang up his coat for him.

Mama, I CANNNNNNNN'T DO IT.

Baby. I know you can do it and I love you too much to do it for you.