Hope
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Join Date: May 2009
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Hope
One of the worst things for me about when i was still drinking was the hopelessness that I felt. I would momentarily try to shake myself up to feel slightly better about my life only to be brought back down to a state of hopelessness after a celebratory binge out in town.
I would buy new clothes and then of course want to go and wear them out, so i would go out into town and to see some chicks, but of course as soon as the booze was down my neck then I would be off. New clothes would usually end up with oil (dont ask me how but I always used to seem to get motor oil on my clothes?!! LOL), vomit or just general crap all over them and I would be back to that pitt of depression and despair that only another drink would get me out of. Back to square one yet again... only I could feel my alcolholism growing in darkness and power.
I feel friggin great tonight. The compulsion to drink has been removed on a daily basis at the moment and I feel a great sense of hope.
I have learned to not wish for the world all at once in recovery. If I buy new clothes I can wait to wear them out... There is no rush!! Things will all slot into place in their own time... Life on life terms. As long as I put my side of the bargain in then i have faith that I will be rewarded. This feels great to have this faith. Not in a divine power but in the power of "recovery" from alcolholism and drug addiction.
I am so gratefull to be out of that pitt of hell and despair that I was in.
Thankyou all for giving me hope!!!
peace and Love xxx
I would buy new clothes and then of course want to go and wear them out, so i would go out into town and to see some chicks, but of course as soon as the booze was down my neck then I would be off. New clothes would usually end up with oil (dont ask me how but I always used to seem to get motor oil on my clothes?!! LOL), vomit or just general crap all over them and I would be back to that pitt of depression and despair that only another drink would get me out of. Back to square one yet again... only I could feel my alcolholism growing in darkness and power.
I feel friggin great tonight. The compulsion to drink has been removed on a daily basis at the moment and I feel a great sense of hope.
I have learned to not wish for the world all at once in recovery. If I buy new clothes I can wait to wear them out... There is no rush!! Things will all slot into place in their own time... Life on life terms. As long as I put my side of the bargain in then i have faith that I will be rewarded. This feels great to have this faith. Not in a divine power but in the power of "recovery" from alcolholism and drug addiction.
I am so gratefull to be out of that pitt of hell and despair that I was in.
Thankyou all for giving me hope!!!
peace and Love xxx
Yes, like Joe McQ says "It's hard to live very long without hope."
Thanks for the reminder to be grateful. I have to be constantly reminded. And yes I can relate to the pitt of depression and despair. Sometimes I start thinking I have it rough. Then next thing I know im sitting next to a guy who just came in off the same street we lived on, talking about being grateful to be in a warm building for an hour. Boy does that make me right-size quickly.
Faith was hard for me. I always think about this guy:
Joe A
He talks about arriving in AA with nothing but a pair of overalls. No socks, shoes, underwear...But still resisting. He says something like "How can a guy with no underwear think he's in a position to strike up an bargain?" lol........I'm grateful I don't have to be "that guy" all over again today. Still practicing though..
Thanks for the reminder to be grateful. I have to be constantly reminded. And yes I can relate to the pitt of depression and despair. Sometimes I start thinking I have it rough. Then next thing I know im sitting next to a guy who just came in off the same street we lived on, talking about being grateful to be in a warm building for an hour. Boy does that make me right-size quickly.
Faith was hard for me. I always think about this guy:
Joe A
He talks about arriving in AA with nothing but a pair of overalls. No socks, shoes, underwear...But still resisting. He says something like "How can a guy with no underwear think he's in a position to strike up an bargain?" lol........I'm grateful I don't have to be "that guy" all over again today. Still practicing though..
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