grrl77

I have not talked to my XAH in probably two months. We maintain a... friendship, I guess if you even wanna call it that. He basically avoids me because he says all he wants to do is, pardon me, "Eff and fight, in no particular order." Heh.

So tonight, I catch him online (we haven't spoken in a couple of months) and he tells me he caught his apartment on fire by accident. I asked him what happened and he said "cigarette on futon." Heh. Now, I know his habits. He keeps his ashtray on the coffee table a foot in front of his futon, where he sits. He told me, "I fought the fire halfway out until I realized I should really call 911." So apparently firefighters showed up, asked for a knife to cut open the futon and extinguish it. Caused $1500 worth of damage to the carpet in his 400 sq foot studio apt.

My thought? Prolly passed out on the couch with the smoke, and there you have it. I guess I just worry, at this point, you know? I know there's nothing I can do, but my god, wake up! What's it going to take? He nearly burned his GD apartment - with himself - down. *sigh* Just makes me want to shake him.

Just mad, tired, and I think I'll go to bed now.

ItsmeAlice

You're right that there is nothing you can do about his carelessness. It is careless and stupid of course to drink to the point of passing out and smoke a cigarette, but neither are outright illegal. An argument can be made that he should know better and it could be considered reckless endangerment if someone else is harmed, but that's a tough call.

It's like a train wreck that you can't look away from. You want to do something about it but are powerless and yet you till can't keep from getting emotionally involved.

I'm sorry this is tormenting your thoughts. This is where acceptance comes in and giving over the watchful waiting of him to his own higher power. If you can even just a little bit, it will make your life more peaceful.

Best to you,
Alice

KeepPedaling

OMG!!! That is SO SCARY! I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't. I feel for you though!

Bernadette

(((((((((((grrl77)))))))))))

the serenity prayer helps me sleep after news like this!

God grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage
to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.


Lather, rinse, repeat!

peace-
b.

JenT1968

The GREAT thing is here, is that YOU are not back at square one, you are strong and detached and not living with a man who could burn your house down around your ears whilst you sleep.

his situation is heartbreaking, but he can remedy that any time he wants to

MissFixit

Step away from the addict.

grrl77

It's more the emotional side, than anything. We live in separate cities, we've broken up awhile back. This forum's the best thing that ever happened to me, to be honest, so it's been pretty easy to keep distant. But when he told me that story I was like "My God, do you realize how lucky you are to be alive?" He's all, "Yeah, people keep telling me that. I'd like to just think I have a really kickass sensory mechanism." (He's kidding of course.) I didn't say anything to him, and did not react, simply just said, "Wow that's scary." It kind of blows me away that he can actually admit things, like "I was drunk as hell and must've just let a cigarette sit on my futon, I guess..." He admits there's the problem. Or is he? Maybe he's just stating the fact, but doing nothing to actually change. He's accepted he's a drunk, and he's... apparently okay with that? I dunno. It's not really my business, I guess. I pray daily for him that God will watch over him and protect him, and I think he did that in this situation. My ExAH might not believe in God, but I think God believes in him.

MissFixit

Grrl,

You will never be able to see inside his mind. Even if you could, as an active A his mind would be jumbled, full of contradictions, inconsistencies, lies, truths and everything in between. There is no sense to be made. As someone who did what you are now doing, I made myself crazy trying to figure things out, help him, reason it through. The thing si that there is no reasoning it through. As many here will agree, he is the only one who can help himself. Trying to figure out HIS actions or thoughts will only result in YOU being hurt and crazy too.

What can you do for yourself to take you rmind off of him? Do you have an hobbies? Can you take a walk?

Alphao5

lol i did that once but it was my kitchen, haha i came in the house and started a pot i had crisco in to make some fries lol then i got caught up with shooting up and then got on my computer and completly spaced anything!!!! I mean its horrible!!! but yeah thats what happenes when ya DONT CARE! You become dangrous poison your not thinking right, its hard to get out of that! I cant seem to but I have a LOT of fire alarms in my place now!

brundle

Your in a better place and don't forget that. You also have the power to talk to him or not. That is never square one.