ShockedGF

It's been a very difficult week and I'm not sure where to turn for information or advice. I've been scouring the web ever since my boyfriend of 5 months confessed to me that he was a sober alcoholic for 9 years who has relapsed and was going back into recovery.

The confession goes like this, he was sober for 9 years and started drinking again "because he thought he could handle it". The relapse occured a few months before he met me. The catalyst for his decision to return to recovery he says was a recent family cruise where he found himself "obsessing" about wanting to drink. He knew he wasn't in control and was going back into AA.

I've never seen any indication of alcohol being a problem. There have been nights where we may have a drink or two with dinner, other nights when no alcohol is consumed at all. I've never seen him drunk. He is loving, supportive, attentive and has always followed through on the commitments he makes to me.

Looking back I can recall a couple of instances where I thought he smelled of alcohol or when speaking with him on the phone he sounded strange and I asked if he'd been drinking - he always denied it. He admits now that he lied to me those times. When I ask about how much he's drinking because I haven't seen it, he admits that he's been drinking before or after seeing me or when he's alone.

I've fallen in love with this man but feel completely betrayed. I feel like I can't trust my own judgment. I want to support his efforts to regain his sobriety but I don't know what's best for him or for me.

Any information or advice on supporting an alcoholic who is actively seeking recovery is appreciated.

brundle

Back off and let him do it on his own... it's the best thing for both of you. You should go to Al-Anon meetings. If he can't do it on his own trust me... you can't help him. That he wants to is good... that he didn't tell you any of this before... not good... If your going to stick this out with him... your best bet is get yourself help (that's why I said Al-Anon for you)... and be there after he gets himself help...

Just my two cents... but most of what I've seen is help in the wrong form just ends up hurting the person...

ShockedGF

Thanks Brundle - I think I knew that deep down but am feeling guilty for walking away.

He's been emailing and texting his apologies. Asking if I'm ok, telling me he knows he let me down and how much he cares about me. I've told him that I support his efforts to get sober but that's all I can give right now.

I'm just so confused and hurt - I don't know how to proceed. I will definately look into Al-anon. Thanks

Spiritual Seeker

Relapse is part of alcoholism.

How great that he is honest about it and getting "back on the wagon"
This man is more than his disease of alcoholism.
If was truly sober for 9 yrs. one can think there's a good chance he can do it again.

" boyfriend of 5 months " not a long time. Just enough time for true selves to be shown.
Take it slow.