coffeedrinker

As many of you know, I have been struggling with picking up the pieces of our broken relationship since my ABF returned after a heavy summer of use.

He called me sobbing when something happened with his father and it triggered his abandonment issue, then the phone call morphed into a "please if you're gonna leave me just cut the tie now, so I can deal with it an move on" and he told me he didn't want to lose me, I was the "best thing that has ever happened" to him, and he would do whatever I asked of him to remain in my life. Well, it has not been the roller coaster of previous months, and it did feed my codependent self to find out how important I really was to him, and we are both seeing a therapist to work on relationship issues as well as just personal growth.

As many of you also know, I have had suspicions of not working his maintenance program the way he should. I know there has been one or two times he has gotten methadone off the street, even tho he's on a doctor-administered methadone program. It's been quite strange to me, who is looking at him every single day and not (since he has stabilized) seeing someone who is high.....looking at him every single day and not "feeling" like he has relapsed. In fact, he has been genuinely kind and helpful more than ever these past three months.

But! I told him last night that I wanted to ask him two questions, and based on what his answer was, I would know what to do next. They were about him having extra in the house. One day I saw two bottles. And they were full. The next day they were not full. The question though, was "when did you last see so and so, and what was the reason you visited him". He blew it and didn't answer correctly. Then I asked about extra doses he had and he said it was in case - as happend two weeks ago - he was out of town or something and couldn't get in to the clinic to get he daily dose. Wrong answer again.

Not to give a lot of details, but the point is that this morning when I left for work, I had a bag packed - he was going to go with me and I was going to drop him off at his clinic, where he goes every morning, with extra gloves and hat, and his bag.

Oops, cutting to the chase. He said he would go to treatment. He said he realized that he was playing the recovery game by his own rules and that if sobriety truly is his number one priority, he needs to go and figure out why he has been doing this b.s.

Because trust and honesty is a core element of a successful relationship, I just don't know anymore. It is eating away at my love for him.

But I just wanted to share what it going on today. I got a text an hour ago saying "I think I will be leaving on Tuesday."

littlebird77

I know how you feel, and I am sorry. If this was me, I would look at it as being in a horrific car accident. Imagine your driving in horrible weather, your car gets hit (God Forbid) and your go spinning and spinning down the street, you see lights, horns, and suddenly you stop. Someone runs over to the car to ask if you are ok... The blessing is that you can hear them, and in fact you are all right, you walk out of your car to see it totaled.

Now what are you going to do? Worry about your car, or be grateful that you made it out alive?

He lied to you... Please tell me this is the first time he has ever lied to you and buy yourself a lotto ticket because you walk with great odds.... That is in the past, and he is going to rehab... now you need to work on your own rehab. Its a great way to start the year!