Hello and Happy NEW Year....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 32
Hello and Happy NEW Year....
Hello, my name is Eric, and I am an alcoholic.
Today is recovery day #20 for me. Before December 19th I was up to about half a fifth of vodka spread out over the day, backloaded between 7pm and bedtime. Like many it took me 15 years to get to that point, starting with the usual social drinking, then on to the point where booze was immediate stress therapy in a neat, tidy little bottle, less expensive and more private than therapy in stress management.
I just quit. Period. No life crisis, no hitting bottom (although there were a few potential life-changing near misses). I never mentioned it to anyone at home or work, and I don't think anyone noticed. I was just as functional buzzed at home and at work as I was sober (maybe even more so, since my mood was more stable). I never spoke with anyone, never had any back room to "settle into," no detox of any form, no AA. Since I am a a high-profile professinal in my living area, I am recognized by everybody, so a meeting where I would see "customers" was out of the question. I have a loving wife and three kids who were oblivious to my addiction or transition. Church was also a no-no for spilling the beans.
I know that I have fatty liver (but not hepatitis or cirrhosis) based on a CT scan performed for different reasons. I also know that the average time for a fatty liver to normalize is 45-90 days depending on one's heath, co-morbid conditions, and lifestlye. Since I am a vegan and run 40 miles a week, I suspect I'll be on the lower end of liver recovery. In March it will be as if my hepatocytes had never seen a drop of alcohol (which they will not have, since they'll all be new).
However, the brain is a different animal, as we all know.
I thank the creators and administrators of this message board for it's existence, since this shout into the anonymity of the cyber-void is the first and only place my addiction is known.
Regards to all.
Today is recovery day #20 for me. Before December 19th I was up to about half a fifth of vodka spread out over the day, backloaded between 7pm and bedtime. Like many it took me 15 years to get to that point, starting with the usual social drinking, then on to the point where booze was immediate stress therapy in a neat, tidy little bottle, less expensive and more private than therapy in stress management.
I just quit. Period. No life crisis, no hitting bottom (although there were a few potential life-changing near misses). I never mentioned it to anyone at home or work, and I don't think anyone noticed. I was just as functional buzzed at home and at work as I was sober (maybe even more so, since my mood was more stable). I never spoke with anyone, never had any back room to "settle into," no detox of any form, no AA. Since I am a a high-profile professinal in my living area, I am recognized by everybody, so a meeting where I would see "customers" was out of the question. I have a loving wife and three kids who were oblivious to my addiction or transition. Church was also a no-no for spilling the beans.
I know that I have fatty liver (but not hepatitis or cirrhosis) based on a CT scan performed for different reasons. I also know that the average time for a fatty liver to normalize is 45-90 days depending on one's heath, co-morbid conditions, and lifestlye. Since I am a vegan and run 40 miles a week, I suspect I'll be on the lower end of liver recovery. In March it will be as if my hepatocytes had never seen a drop of alcohol (which they will not have, since they'll all be new).
However, the brain is a different animal, as we all know.
I thank the creators and administrators of this message board for it's existence, since this shout into the anonymity of the cyber-void is the first and only place my addiction is known.
Regards to all.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Welcome 
That was me, but change it to December 18, 2008.
I see a lot of myself in your post..but I took my drinking a few steps further than you did. It's wonderful that you're recognizing the need to stop now, before you reach other problems (with health, career, whatever..). I also stopped drinking without rehab, AA.. what have you, but I couldn't do it alone. We all eventually find what works if we want it bad enough (because it's us who do all the work, any type of 'program' or therapy or rehab merely supply the tools).
Well, I just wanted to welcome you. Have a wonderful weekend!
Before December 19th I was up to about half a fifth of vodka spread out over the day, backloaded between 7pm and bedtime.
I see a lot of myself in your post..but I took my drinking a few steps further than you did. It's wonderful that you're recognizing the need to stop now, before you reach other problems (with health, career, whatever..). I also stopped drinking without rehab, AA.. what have you, but I couldn't do it alone. We all eventually find what works if we want it bad enough (because it's us who do all the work, any type of 'program' or therapy or rehab merely supply the tools).
Well, I just wanted to welcome you. Have a wonderful weekend!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 32
I wish I could speak out...it would be soooo cathartic for me. But my situation, both professional and personal, doesn't allow for that. If I were to let on it would be paradoxically tougher on me, believe it or not. I would have many authorities to report to. It's been rough going these 3 or so weeks, and this board has really helped.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
Stealth,
I'm curious as to what prompted your decision to quit, since you have been quite successful in hiding your addiction from others (therefore must not be suffering relationship problems, etc.). Was it health concerns, or an internal realization that bothered you, or...?
Thank you for sharing here. I too find this a very safe and supportive place to let it all hang out. I'm afraid I wouldn't do as well in person with a group of people I don't know. I'd be too afraid of being judged, etc. Here, it doesn't matter what we look like, etc. It all comes down to the sentiment of our words.
I'm curious as to what prompted your decision to quit, since you have been quite successful in hiding your addiction from others (therefore must not be suffering relationship problems, etc.). Was it health concerns, or an internal realization that bothered you, or...?
Thank you for sharing here. I too find this a very safe and supportive place to let it all hang out. I'm afraid I wouldn't do as well in person with a group of people I don't know. I'd be too afraid of being judged, etc. Here, it doesn't matter what we look like, etc. It all comes down to the sentiment of our words.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
You might want to began opening up with a licensed professional.
That's one big secret to carry around alone.
Your local AMA would be able to give you a list
Some areas do have what is called "shuttered AA meetings"
I've never been.....but I know they are considered more anonymous ...
and our law enforcement people go to Atlamta for them...
(A cop friend told me he goes.... have no idea who else does)
Anyway.....Welcome to SR ...glad you are here ...
That's one big secret to carry around alone.
Your local AMA would be able to give you a list
Some areas do have what is called "shuttered AA meetings"
I've never been.....but I know they are considered more anonymous ...
and our law enforcement people go to Atlamta for them...
(A cop friend told me he goes.... have no idea who else does)
Anyway.....Welcome to SR ...glad you are here ...
20/12/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
[QUOTE=Stealthealer;2480487]
Today is recovery day #20 for me. Before December 19th I was up to about half a fifth of vodka spread out over the day, backloaded between 7pm and bedtime. Like many it took me 15 years to get to that point, starting with the usual social drinking, then on to the point where booze was immediate stress therapy in a neat, tidy little bottle, less expensive and more private than therapy in stress management.
I just quit. Period. No life crisis, no hitting bottom (although there were a few potential life-changing near misses). I never mentioned it to anyone at home or work, and I don't think anyone noticed. I was just as functional buzzed at home and at work as I was sober (maybe even more so, since my mood was more stable). I never spoke with anyone, never had any back room to "settle into," no detox of any form.[QUOTE]
Hi Eric
Welcome! I started on Dec 20, so only a day apart.
The part I have highlighted is exactly my story. That is just amazing! I was told we are functioning alcoholics although I never hid my drinking, apparently, even in my worst state I was able to function (I dont recall as I had blackouts). I would be shocked if people at home didnt know, even if it was fairly well done..jmo. The difference, is that i go to meetings and am starting to form some friendships out of it.
It is great that you want to stop all of that, welcome to the club.
Look up December 09 thread in here, others who gave up at the same time post there, its like a check in too.
Well done! Keep on the journey.
LH
Today is recovery day #20 for me. Before December 19th I was up to about half a fifth of vodka spread out over the day, backloaded between 7pm and bedtime. Like many it took me 15 years to get to that point, starting with the usual social drinking, then on to the point where booze was immediate stress therapy in a neat, tidy little bottle, less expensive and more private than therapy in stress management.
I just quit. Period. No life crisis, no hitting bottom (although there were a few potential life-changing near misses). I never mentioned it to anyone at home or work, and I don't think anyone noticed. I was just as functional buzzed at home and at work as I was sober (maybe even more so, since my mood was more stable). I never spoke with anyone, never had any back room to "settle into," no detox of any form.[QUOTE]
Hi Eric
Welcome! I started on Dec 20, so only a day apart.
The part I have highlighted is exactly my story. That is just amazing! I was told we are functioning alcoholics although I never hid my drinking, apparently, even in my worst state I was able to function (I dont recall as I had blackouts). I would be shocked if people at home didnt know, even if it was fairly well done..jmo. The difference, is that i go to meetings and am starting to form some friendships out of it.
It is great that you want to stop all of that, welcome to the club.
Look up December 09 thread in here, others who gave up at the same time post there, its like a check in too.
Well done! Keep on the journey.
LH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 32
Thanks all for the warm welcome and support.
I was a bit concerned I would come off as callous with my "go it alone" attitude towards addiction. But the fact is, I really don't want to, I just feel that I have almost no choice right now. Plus, now that I found this board, I feel I am not flyin' solo anymore.
HumbleStudent, my decision to quit was multifold- 1. I know fatty liver, when allowed to progress, commonly transitions to hepatitis and end-stage liver disease. I love life too much to cause my body pemanent damage. 2. The whole "living the lie" thing- I was good at it....TOO good. Trust me, there are those around me who who confront me immediately at even the most subtle slip-up. 3. As mentioned in my original post, I had a few dangerous near-misses, including getting stopped (& released w/ only a warning) for speeding with a near empty fifth under my seat and a loaded handgun in the glove box (illegal in the state I was in). All this came to a head and so I quit.
CarolD, thanks for the suggestions.
Lionheart, I'll check in at the Dec 09 thread, thank you.
I was a bit concerned I would come off as callous with my "go it alone" attitude towards addiction. But the fact is, I really don't want to, I just feel that I have almost no choice right now. Plus, now that I found this board, I feel I am not flyin' solo anymore.
HumbleStudent, my decision to quit was multifold- 1. I know fatty liver, when allowed to progress, commonly transitions to hepatitis and end-stage liver disease. I love life too much to cause my body pemanent damage. 2. The whole "living the lie" thing- I was good at it....TOO good. Trust me, there are those around me who who confront me immediately at even the most subtle slip-up. 3. As mentioned in my original post, I had a few dangerous near-misses, including getting stopped (& released w/ only a warning) for speeding with a near empty fifth under my seat and a loaded handgun in the glove box (illegal in the state I was in). All this came to a head and so I quit.
CarolD, thanks for the suggestions.
Lionheart, I'll check in at the Dec 09 thread, thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
Thanks so much, Stealth. You are in very good company here. For now, SR is my support group, and I feel very comfortable here. Please continue to post. I applaud your self-awareness and insight.
I can tell you that each day (I'm on day 15), has brought rewards. And in this very early sobriety I have, I feel that I am only beginning to scratch the surface of the life I will have after getting more time under my belt, and using that time to think clearly, deal with life head on, and reflect.
And this is different from other times I just 'quit' to prove I could. My mindset is completely different. Before I was just waiting for the next drink (even if that drink was a month away). This time I quit because I truly wanted to stop the madness and move toward better mental and physical health.
I can tell you that each day (I'm on day 15), has brought rewards. And in this very early sobriety I have, I feel that I am only beginning to scratch the surface of the life I will have after getting more time under my belt, and using that time to think clearly, deal with life head on, and reflect.
And this is different from other times I just 'quit' to prove I could. My mindset is completely different. Before I was just waiting for the next drink (even if that drink was a month away). This time I quit because I truly wanted to stop the madness and move toward better mental and physical health.
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