My long story. Please help!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 4
My long story. Please help!!
Hi everybody. I'm brand new to this website and forum. I'm new to community support in general!
I have been in a serious relationship for about 1.5 years with a recovering heroin addict. We have lived together for the majority of our relationship. When we first met, he had just begun methadone 2 months prior. That was the longest he had not used for something like 5 years.
After many out of town trips gone awry with him not being able to stomach the methadone (it was in the tablet form that is to be dissolved in warm water) and him going into horrible withdrawals (vomiting every few minutes for days) while we're stuck out of town... we both decided it was a good idea to try Suboxone. The hope was that he would be able to stomach it better.
He has been on Suboxone for over 6 months now. We ventured out of town again, and had the same thing happen. I ended up spending my trip to see my sister for her birthday in the hospital with my boyfriend.
He has told me that he's suffered from migraines since he was a kid. On the methadone, it completely blocked out migraines. Now on the Suboxone, he has begun to suffer from them again. He winces and moans in pain until he tells me he must go buy a pain pill.
Since September, the my boyfriend has done the following to me:
-Crashed my car into a telephone pole, and then did the exact same thing one week later
-Stolen my debit card from my purse and stolen $600 from me (this was money from my savings account that I had just gotten in student loans)
-After gaining my trust back and learning my new PIN, stolen my card numerous times to take out $20 here, $40 there
He does not know my new NEW PIN now. I believe he has stolen cash out of my purse because of this. I will get tips sometimes, they will be in my purse before I go to bed and be gone when I wake up. I will tell him about that and then my money will magically be located.
He is extremely depressed and I am extremely depressed. I live in a constant state of distrust, anxiety, and fear. I am worn out and have kept all of this to myself. I only told my therapist last month that he stole money from me. (He owes me over $900 as of now).
I just want some support, advice, and community from you all.
It's nice to meet you!
I have been in a serious relationship for about 1.5 years with a recovering heroin addict. We have lived together for the majority of our relationship. When we first met, he had just begun methadone 2 months prior. That was the longest he had not used for something like 5 years.
After many out of town trips gone awry with him not being able to stomach the methadone (it was in the tablet form that is to be dissolved in warm water) and him going into horrible withdrawals (vomiting every few minutes for days) while we're stuck out of town... we both decided it was a good idea to try Suboxone. The hope was that he would be able to stomach it better.
He has been on Suboxone for over 6 months now. We ventured out of town again, and had the same thing happen. I ended up spending my trip to see my sister for her birthday in the hospital with my boyfriend.
He has told me that he's suffered from migraines since he was a kid. On the methadone, it completely blocked out migraines. Now on the Suboxone, he has begun to suffer from them again. He winces and moans in pain until he tells me he must go buy a pain pill.
Since September, the my boyfriend has done the following to me:
-Crashed my car into a telephone pole, and then did the exact same thing one week later
-Stolen my debit card from my purse and stolen $600 from me (this was money from my savings account that I had just gotten in student loans)
-After gaining my trust back and learning my new PIN, stolen my card numerous times to take out $20 here, $40 there
He does not know my new NEW PIN now. I believe he has stolen cash out of my purse because of this. I will get tips sometimes, they will be in my purse before I go to bed and be gone when I wake up. I will tell him about that and then my money will magically be located.
He is extremely depressed and I am extremely depressed. I live in a constant state of distrust, anxiety, and fear. I am worn out and have kept all of this to myself. I only told my therapist last month that he stole money from me. (He owes me over $900 as of now).
I just want some support, advice, and community from you all.
It's nice to meet you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!
I'm an RA (recovering addict - crack) and also a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are A's (addicts - we use a lot of abbreviations here).
FWIW, my stepsister went through detox for klonopin, went to an addictionologist because of this and because she has SEVERE migraines and fibromyalgia, so has legit pain issues. The dr. put her on suboxone for the pain management, but also allows her a limited prescription (I didn't believe this, as I know the dr., but I've seen the prescriptions) for breakthrough pain. Now, I don't know that all doctors would do this, but I do know that getting pills from anyone other than your prescribing physician, who is aware of your addiction is addict behavior.
This is a great place, full of some wonderful people who know what you are going through. The one thing to know is that you can't make him want to get clean and into recovery..that is something he has to want on his own, and he's got to want it really bad. Recovery takes work, but it's well worth it, IMO.
I would highly recommend you not only hide your money and any credit/debit cards, but any valuables he can pawn, especially jewelry. Most of us have thought "oh he/she would never do that" only to find they WILL do that.
I also recommend reading the "stickies" at the top of this forum, and possibly checking out an al-anon or nar-anon meeting. It will help you learn how to focus on you, which is the best thing you can do at this point. Read through some of the posts, and you will find you are definitely not alone.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'm an RA (recovering addict - crack) and also a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are A's (addicts - we use a lot of abbreviations here).
FWIW, my stepsister went through detox for klonopin, went to an addictionologist because of this and because she has SEVERE migraines and fibromyalgia, so has legit pain issues. The dr. put her on suboxone for the pain management, but also allows her a limited prescription (I didn't believe this, as I know the dr., but I've seen the prescriptions) for breakthrough pain. Now, I don't know that all doctors would do this, but I do know that getting pills from anyone other than your prescribing physician, who is aware of your addiction is addict behavior.
This is a great place, full of some wonderful people who know what you are going through. The one thing to know is that you can't make him want to get clean and into recovery..that is something he has to want on his own, and he's got to want it really bad. Recovery takes work, but it's well worth it, IMO.
I would highly recommend you not only hide your money and any credit/debit cards, but any valuables he can pawn, especially jewelry. Most of us have thought "oh he/she would never do that" only to find they WILL do that.
I also recommend reading the "stickies" at the top of this forum, and possibly checking out an al-anon or nar-anon meeting. It will help you learn how to focus on you, which is the best thing you can do at this point. Read through some of the posts, and you will find you are definitely not alone.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
He was OK on the Methadone until you went out of town.
He was OK with Subs until you went out of town.
Sounds to me like this guy is in active addiction and goes into withdrawals when he is away from his home base. That he's been stealing from you almost guarantees he's hooked and this is addiction, not recovery.
Assuming you do not mind living like this, follow Amy's advice about safeguarding your valuables. Make sure you keep tabs on all checks because they have this way of dissappearing from the middle of the deck. Hide your car keys.And perhaps, most importantly , double up on the BC. Babies do not cure addiction.
Remember, you can get off this ride any time, you want.
He was OK with Subs until you went out of town.
Sounds to me like this guy is in active addiction and goes into withdrawals when he is away from his home base. That he's been stealing from you almost guarantees he's hooked and this is addiction, not recovery.
Assuming you do not mind living like this, follow Amy's advice about safeguarding your valuables. Make sure you keep tabs on all checks because they have this way of dissappearing from the middle of the deck. Hide your car keys.And perhaps, most importantly , double up on the BC. Babies do not cure addiction.
Remember, you can get off this ride any time, you want.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, welcome to sr. sorry this is happening but i'm glad you joined us. i'm a recovering addict(ra) married to an addict(ah). i can relate to your situation and agree with impurrfect. protect all your valuables. unless he decides to seek recovery and follow through with a plan, his addiction will more than likely get progressively worse.
addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. you might want to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for the long haul. what would you advice your sister or best gf to do if they were in your situation? just something to think about cause there is nothing you really can do to help him other than help yourself.
addiction is a life long thing and so is recovery. you might want to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want for the long haul. what would you advice your sister or best gf to do if they were in your situation? just something to think about cause there is nothing you really can do to help him other than help yourself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
Something is not making sense:
-He has been on Suboxone, and yet did these horrible things in September.
-Either he has been on suboxone for a shorter time, or is not taking it they way he should.
-As someone mentioned, who is paying for the suboxone. My ABF has to go to an outpatient facility and submit constant drug tests for him to take the suboxone. His insurance will only pay for it if he does it like this.
-He has been on Suboxone, and yet did these horrible things in September.
-Either he has been on suboxone for a shorter time, or is not taking it they way he should.
-As someone mentioned, who is paying for the suboxone. My ABF has to go to an outpatient facility and submit constant drug tests for him to take the suboxone. His insurance will only pay for it if he does it like this.
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
I no longer HAVE a PIN for any of my debit cards...been that way for many years now. I actually have gotten so used to it, and funny enough...it helps me not to spend so much money!! So I guess that worked out better for me! I also wrote SEE ID on the back of the card instead of my signature.
My AH's DOC ( Drug Of Choice )is opiates too. The only way he was able to obtain Suboxone was through a physician., and it too was monitored for Insurance purposes while he was in rehab. ...and he paid for it.
Glad you're here! You're not alone.
This place really helps.
My AH's DOC ( Drug Of Choice )is opiates too. The only way he was able to obtain Suboxone was through a physician., and it too was monitored for Insurance purposes while he was in rehab. ...and he paid for it.
Glad you're here! You're not alone.
This place really helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 4
There's so much to this story that it is easy to leave some very important details out!
He's prescribed Suboxone by an older doctor who also prescribed him A HUGE dosage of Xanax (equivalent to a "bar" and a half) for daily use. Right around when he was prescribed the Xanax, life started to go downhill. This is when the car wrecks happened and the first theft. I do know for a fact he is no longer on the Xanax. This is because the combination of Suboxone and Xanax would make him very obviously loaded and unlike any other way I've seen him.
*His father pays for the Suboxone. He also works for his father, who will basically never give him cash, only checks exclusively for rent, electricity, etc. His father tries to be very attentive about all of this, threatening to fire him numerous times. The reason he got on methadone in the first place was because of the threat of not having a job.
On Methadone, he was of course drug tested at least weekly.
My valuables have been hidden permanently now since I guess I realized THIS PERSON I AM LIVING WITH STEALS FROM ME.
The past month or so has been filled with me threatening that I am finished and that I am going to leave. Since I have truly meant these threats some of the time-- he has seemed to believe them. He has begun going to meetings and meets with an addiction specialist psychotherapist a few times a month. I was concerned that he was not really attending meetings, so I checked to make sure they were truly going on when he said. They were. I feel like I need more proof though, and that feels terrible.
I am 19 years old and I have lived on my own and taken care of myself since I was 17. I do not really have a "home" to go back to at all. It is not easy for me to move either. I am a full time college student and I clean houses full time. I feel totally and completely stuck.
He's prescribed Suboxone by an older doctor who also prescribed him A HUGE dosage of Xanax (equivalent to a "bar" and a half) for daily use. Right around when he was prescribed the Xanax, life started to go downhill. This is when the car wrecks happened and the first theft. I do know for a fact he is no longer on the Xanax. This is because the combination of Suboxone and Xanax would make him very obviously loaded and unlike any other way I've seen him.
*His father pays for the Suboxone. He also works for his father, who will basically never give him cash, only checks exclusively for rent, electricity, etc. His father tries to be very attentive about all of this, threatening to fire him numerous times. The reason he got on methadone in the first place was because of the threat of not having a job.
On Methadone, he was of course drug tested at least weekly.
My valuables have been hidden permanently now since I guess I realized THIS PERSON I AM LIVING WITH STEALS FROM ME.
The past month or so has been filled with me threatening that I am finished and that I am going to leave. Since I have truly meant these threats some of the time-- he has seemed to believe them. He has begun going to meetings and meets with an addiction specialist psychotherapist a few times a month. I was concerned that he was not really attending meetings, so I checked to make sure they were truly going on when he said. They were. I feel like I need more proof though, and that feels terrible.
I am 19 years old and I have lived on my own and taken care of myself since I was 17. I do not really have a "home" to go back to at all. It is not easy for me to move either. I am a full time college student and I clean houses full time. I feel totally and completely stuck.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
you are still very young, are you sure this is the kind of relationship you want? living with addiction is such a very hard life to live and unless he's completely serious about his recovery, it will get progressively worse. maybe instead of making a lot of threats, you could set boundaries with consequences for yourself? what concerning his behavior are you willing to live with and what actions are you prepared to take if he crosses those boundaries?
work in progress
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Originally Posted by roadtojoy 
It is not, but I feel like I have a lack of options. But no it is absolutely not an acceptable way for me to live.
You do have options, they just might not be the one's your head is telling you you have...but heart and your gut knows what that answer really is.
"Where there's a will, there's a way."
Originally Posted by roadtojoy
"He just used to be very different."
We all LOVE our "A"s when their sober....but it's a rollercoaster ride for you to have so many emotional ups and downs at the expense of a person who does not want to help themselves.
My AH is an opiate user and I have been living with the chaos for 10 years. That was my choice. I didn't feel like there was any other way either...because I got caught up in wanting to "save" him. I did not want to see that seperating myself from him was an option....once again, my choice.
I just recently "chose" to let him go 9 days ago. You can do it too.
You are young enough to break this cycle for yourself and have many many years with people who are "drug free" and good to you.
Or you can stay with someone who will lie, cheat, steal, manipulate you and possibly put you in harms way.
It's your choice. It's always your choice.
Glad you're here!
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