Stood my ground last night!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 139
Stood my ground last night!!!
Last night ABF (sober for 6 days now) came over. I went and got dinner for all of us, came back and fed the kids but waited for him so we could eat together.
He arrives, takes his shoes off, still had his coat on and says "Oh crap, I left my Blackberry in the truck!" and then looks at me and asks me to go get it. I said "No way! You just CAME from your truck and you still have your coat on! Put your shoes back on and go get it!"
He replied "Oh c'monnnn, my shoes are dress shoes, they're hard to get on!" then he turned to my daughter (she's 10) and asked HER to go get it.
I said "No, you are NOT going to go get it" and he asked me again to go get it. (This is where I started feeling like "Ok, this is it....is he going to freak out? and I started feeling weird and shaky)
I said no. I then asked what the heck he needs it for anyway and he said for any work related emergency calls in the morning, I told him then she should get his shoes on and go get it.
He shruged his shoulders took off his coat and asked about dinner.
I carried on as normal, happy that I actually stood my ground.
We went on to have a relatively nice evening with the kids. Around 9pm my oldest son comes home from his friends house, eats dinner blah blah blah.
Close to bedtime I hear ABF and my son (who is 12) talking, something about his console where the iPod is, confused I said what are you guys talking about?
ABF replies with a quick "Nothing!" so I knew something was up, I go over and my son is putting his shoes on and I immediately knew what was going down and yelled "NO! You are NOT going to get his phone!"
I was PISSED!
Then ABF was angry with ME. I don't remember word for word what was said, but in a round about way he was angry that I didn't do this for him and didn't allow the kids to help either. Meanwhile I went and got his dinner, I was doing his laundry that he brought over etc.
He went and sat on my couch in a huff. Didn't speak to me. Did I care? No way. I went about my business of tidying toys (kids were all in bed now) made a cup of tea, asked if he wanted something, then sat down and watched tv.
I'm sure I might have made a few mistakes in there at some point, lol, but I'm very happy that I didn't cave in. I mean, he realized he didn't have it right after he came in, still had his coat on, yet he wanted one of us, to get shoes and a coat on and go to the truck that he just came from! Argh!
Anyway, YEY, I didn't give in!
He arrives, takes his shoes off, still had his coat on and says "Oh crap, I left my Blackberry in the truck!" and then looks at me and asks me to go get it. I said "No way! You just CAME from your truck and you still have your coat on! Put your shoes back on and go get it!"
He replied "Oh c'monnnn, my shoes are dress shoes, they're hard to get on!" then he turned to my daughter (she's 10) and asked HER to go get it.
I said "No, you are NOT going to go get it" and he asked me again to go get it. (This is where I started feeling like "Ok, this is it....is he going to freak out? and I started feeling weird and shaky)
I said no. I then asked what the heck he needs it for anyway and he said for any work related emergency calls in the morning, I told him then she should get his shoes on and go get it.
He shruged his shoulders took off his coat and asked about dinner.
I carried on as normal, happy that I actually stood my ground.
We went on to have a relatively nice evening with the kids. Around 9pm my oldest son comes home from his friends house, eats dinner blah blah blah.
Close to bedtime I hear ABF and my son (who is 12) talking, something about his console where the iPod is, confused I said what are you guys talking about?
ABF replies with a quick "Nothing!" so I knew something was up, I go over and my son is putting his shoes on and I immediately knew what was going down and yelled "NO! You are NOT going to get his phone!"
I was PISSED!
Then ABF was angry with ME. I don't remember word for word what was said, but in a round about way he was angry that I didn't do this for him and didn't allow the kids to help either. Meanwhile I went and got his dinner, I was doing his laundry that he brought over etc.
He went and sat on my couch in a huff. Didn't speak to me. Did I care? No way. I went about my business of tidying toys (kids were all in bed now) made a cup of tea, asked if he wanted something, then sat down and watched tv.
I'm sure I might have made a few mistakes in there at some point, lol, but I'm very happy that I didn't cave in. I mean, he realized he didn't have it right after he came in, still had his coat on, yet he wanted one of us, to get shoes and a coat on and go to the truck that he just came from! Argh!
Anyway, YEY, I didn't give in!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
One small step for Elsie, one giant leap for her family!
You were wise to work on a boundary that was not "life threatening" As you continue to practice these you will build confidence. I know I would have met with HUGE amounts of resistance even for something like this and would have ended up getting it just to shut up the WAH WAH WAH.
Good for you Elsie, I know you felt good claiming your "turf"
(((Hugs)))
D
You were wise to work on a boundary that was not "life threatening" As you continue to practice these you will build confidence. I know I would have met with HUGE amounts of resistance even for something like this and would have ended up getting it just to shut up the WAH WAH WAH.
Good for you Elsie, I know you felt good claiming your "turf"
(((Hugs)))
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hmmmm.....fully functioning grown man, left his own phone in his own truck, all he needs to do is put his shoes back on and walk the few feet to get it......but he expects everyone else to step-n-fetchit.....
Yeah, you did the right thing....man/child needs to grow up and stop expecting the world to do his bidding when he created the "problem" himself.
Hugs to you!!!! HG
Yeah, you did the right thing....man/child needs to grow up and stop expecting the world to do his bidding when he created the "problem" himself.
Hugs to you!!!! HG
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
It was totally unreasonable and selfish. Well done!!
When bf got a job he woke me up earlier and asked me to iron his trousers... LOL.
I asked him.. "WHEN have I waked you up for you to iron mine?"
Well, he is very good at ironing, I asked him to iron my clothes from now on as we agreed the one who does a task better, is entitled to it lol.
Reminds me of lightly spraying my cats when they misbehave... no disrespect... I'm also "lightly sprayed" when I do something wrong!
When bf got a job he woke me up earlier and asked me to iron his trousers... LOL.
I asked him.. "WHEN have I waked you up for you to iron mine?"
Well, he is very good at ironing, I asked him to iron my clothes from now on as we agreed the one who does a task better, is entitled to it lol.
Reminds me of lightly spraying my cats when they misbehave... no disrespect... I'm also "lightly sprayed" when I do something wrong!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 85
Good for you!
My ex was always asking me to get things for him, pick them up off the floor etc. And when his kids were here he asked them the same way. At first I did it, thinking it was a polite request and he would do the same for me. But later I realized he had no intention of returning the favour so I stopped doing it. If I said "No, get it yourself, you're closer" he would be astonished!
What ARE they thinking?
Spinner
My ex was always asking me to get things for him, pick them up off the floor etc. And when his kids were here he asked them the same way. At first I did it, thinking it was a polite request and he would do the same for me. But later I realized he had no intention of returning the favour so I stopped doing it. If I said "No, get it yourself, you're closer" he would be astonished!
What ARE they thinking?
Spinner
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