RobAllen

I was ALWAYS the guy who steared away from drugs. To make a very long story short, I got bored around the age of 30 and started opiates. From there I went to cocaine and now it is DRAINING my life of EVERYTHING. It has re wired my brain and I dont even know why I do it but all I know is I HAVE TO. I spend well over $1000 a week on it and neglect all the things that were / are important. I was a body builder and boxer. I let that go. I cannot begin to tell you all I have lost due to this drug. I barely run my business. Can anyone share how they beat this horrible drug? I have been using daily for 2 1/2 years now.

I need you guys to help me before its too late. I swallowed a bag with 4 grams when I got pulled over last year. 4 grams! 2 times the level that can kill you. My heart rate was 300 before they took me to the ER. They found I have en anlarged heart (yes, from the use) and STILL I use. MAN, whats happening???? I could beat ANYTHING before in life. Im losing this battle guys and I hope there is a person who can reach out to me and help me in some way. Please do not tell me how stupid I am., Trust me I know. Give me advise that can help me please. I know I need to change my environment. That is my first plan but I have always known this and never acted. I thank you all for reading and wish everyone the best. Rob

lionheart

Hi Rob

I dont know anything at all about dealing with what you are going through but I am sure others here will, also, there is a substance forum with info that may be of use to you.

Welcome to SR.
LH

Dee74

Hi Rob

I guarantee you will find help and support here - but the only one who can really save your life is you.

Find a support group Rob - NA is probably the most easily accessible - or, if you prefer, see a Dr or a counsellor about inpatient or outpatient rehab.

If you want your life to change, start changing it

Come down and visit the substance abuse forum - we have a post down there at the top of the forum called How do I recover - it's full of links to support groups and agencies.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Read around in the forum too, and this one as well - there's many people here who've beaten this too

Welcome
D

intention

Hi Rob,

You are not stupid. You are an addict, that's why you do what you do.

Reaching out to help here is a step in the right direction.
Can you get to a NA meeting? You will walk into a room of people who know exactly what you are going through....and how to get better.

Stereosteveo

Like you I was able to accomplish a lot in life. What I've learned, but had the hardest time accepting, was that when it came to alcohol and drugs, I had no choice but to use. Absolutely powerless. Ya that's simply what it narrowed down to. If I had the power not to pick up I wouldn't have picked up everytime, believe me. I HAD to. It took every last dose before I even got close to becoming ready to surrender.

In summary:
I went to AA/NA meetings for a year, still using/drinking on and off. The meetings helped a lot. I learned a lot. They gave me temporary relief, just like talking to my sponsor.
Then I got to the point where I just could not face life with or without being under the influence. I prayed for the strength to work the 12-steps. I eventually worked them fearlessly, thoroughly, honestly as I could, even though I didn't understand them, and had no guarantee they would work. It was the "last hope" option, believe me.
Haven't had to even consider using/drinking in a few years. That's the miracle of it. Today I don't think about that which I couldn't quit thinking about.

So bottom line, the only hope for the truly hopeless that I know of, is a spiritual solution, that works at the spiritual level. Not the mental (thinking) or physical (chemical) level.

So here's what I would do:
1. Go to at least one NA meeting every day for the rest of your life.
2. Get a sponsor (someone in NA who's had a psychic change as a result of the 12-steps)
3. Let them guide you through the steps.
4. Help others work the steps.

In the meantime pray any way you want, to anything you want. Read and learn all you can about recovery. Be honest, open-minded, and try to be willing (Willing is the hardest part for me. If your like me you'll dance around the steps forever, but the idea is to do work them ASAP. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The sooner the better. You can always go back and do them again.)

So there is a solution.
It's a whole new world bro.
Welcome home.

dedubya

hey
i had a C problem 15 or so years ago- lasted about 5-7 yrs crap I can't remember. My girlfriends dad (and everyone else I knew) always had a load and I got sucked in...we both know about that feeling I think.

This may not be possible for you- but I had to move away. I got a decent job and totally away from my situation, and didn't seek the C out. Even after all these years I think about it but don't crave it at all now. Never been to NA but I know AA works wonders for me= would expect the same from NA. It's good to be around people that understand you and are in the same situation.

My two cents
Dub

Tazman53

Do these 2 as close together as possible, if you want to find a GROUP of people who have beaten Coke/crack/meth/etc. Go to the very next NA meeting you can find and simply ask for help, then see your Dr. and tell on your self & follow this directions.

gypsytears

I divorced my supplier and simply quit the day he finally left. Yes... it was that easy.

keithj

OK, here we go. These two comments describe people whose reactions are VERY different than the real addict. To paraphrase the Big Book, 'back of them lie a world of ignorance and misunderstanding.'

RobAllen, if you're a real addict, mistaking yourself for someone that can take it or leave it or someone that can quit when they have sufficiently good reason, can kill you.

Seek out the people who kept using even when they knew it was killing them, and ask them how they got out from under.

And I'm sorry Dub and Gypsy, I don't mean anything against either of you, but that is a bad, bad impression to give a real addict.

Dee74

People share their personal stories and experience here - that's what SR is for, y'all.

Rob - if you've already tried to quit on your own and you can't...and I assume thats the case or you wouldn't be here - I reiterate my advice...check out a recovery group and/or your Dr.

This is the recovery links post I alluded to earlier. It's pretty comprehensive.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...i-recover.html

D

AlonebutHopeful

You're not stupid. I hate that we have these fears of being judged. They keep us from healing sometimes. I wish society had a different view of drug addiction. Who says you are stupid for having this problem but doesn't call me stupid for my asthma? Why does it have to be a moral, brightness, character flaw? . . . so enough of my pontificating. You need help.
Like you, I didn't touch a drug until my 30s. I was a good girl. Made good grades, graduated from college in a record 4 years lol, had an awesome job, married a great man, lived in a great city. . . the works.

But, I started dabbling in things just because I had never done anything. Like, I needed to try them for experience sakes. Cocaine had a hold of me for a while, until gratefully, my comedown experience outweighed the high. And I was able to associate pain with cocaine.

But, I never got to that point with pain pills. I'm trying to associate withdrawals with them, but it's not working.

I don't know what to tell you. I just wanted you to know our similiarities. That "good" don't turn "bad". We are just a little lost now.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man. I had quite a bad Coke problem for about 2 years. It does escalate quickly. I was spending about £250+ a weekend on it and that was just staying in alone during my weekend drinking binge. Very costly habit. I was different in that I only liked Coke when drinking. I got toally hooked on Coke and booze. I couldn't help but crave Coke after a few beers and the cravings are INTENSE. Purely mental cravings and I found them so powerfull and thats why those first lines were so great, but it's so fleeting and you just keep chasing and chasing those first few hits where your face numbs and you just kick back knowing you've got a load more in your pocket... very addictive.

I guess I was "lucky" (probly wrong word) in that I am an alcoholic who only craves Coke/drugs after drinking alcohol. I never liked Coke without booze as it was too edgy and I liked the Cocaethylene that was produced by the two and also i could drink way more and stay awake. I am still suffering from bad Nasal problems and facial pain from my abuse and thats one of the major reasons I quit as the facial pain was getting me really depressed.
I started to fantasise about injecting also whilst high and it was really quite vivid. I knew I had to get out and for me that meant totally quitting booze and going to AA and SR and really dedicating my life to "recovery" and doing what i need to personally do to keep sober and progressing my life in a positive direction.

I think a program like NA is gonna be needed as it sounds like you're in quite deep so your gonna need that 'family' to lean on.

Stereosteveo

My experience exactly NEO. I could start with coke though, but I preferred a good alcohol buzz first, otherwise the EDGYNESS you describe would be unbearable. Sometimes my throat would lock up and I could not drink. I would sit there for like 15 minutes all geeked out trying to get a swig down to calm myself....Oh the insanity....Then I'd spend the rest of the night trying to get them both balanced out for a moment of clarity.....Either way I could not do one without developing an INTENSE craving for the other. And I mean climbing the walls INTENSE...I know what "Willing to go to any length means.." How can a person have everything they think they need right in front of them, and be in such bondage is beyond me...One is too many, a thousand is never enough...Oh God please help me never to go back there...

ThirstForLife

I wish I could help, man. I was never into it, but had friends who were. I watched them from the outside looking in and know what kind of pull it has. Just know this...leaving it behind can be done. I've seen it 1st hand. I watched a friend of mine, who was addicted to it for over 4 years, walk away from it completely in the blink of an eye. She hasnt touched it since. No help on the outside( but I reccommmend getting it), no alternatives. Nothing. She just got sick of being....well, sick of being. And that was that. No hollywood endings. No knight in shining armour. Just her and herself in its truest essence. You can do this. Just believe in yourself.

tyler

You will get about as many differing opinions as there are members here. Truth is, there really is no simple way to get clean. There are no cut and dried instructions, if there were, everyone would use the same ones and there would be a lot less addicts in this world.

It sounds like you are in it pretty deep. I would suggest an inpatient rehab. This accomplishs a couple of things. First it gets you out of your environment into a fairly safe one for a period of time. Secondly you will learn of methods for dealing with your addiction. I would personally suggest a rehab that offers several different approaches so hopefully you can find what works best for you. It may be a combination of different methods. Finally it will help you build a support base for when you leave. You may do aftercare, a sober living house, NA meetings, therapy, or any number of other things to help you maintain your sobriety.

IMHO, if someone tells you that they have the guaranteed solution to staying clean, they are quite full of themselves. Just about any "program" will work if you follow the instructions or suggestions made by the program. The trick is finding what works for you, sooner not later. Take care.

Impurrfect

I'm a recovering crack addict...used 24/7 for a few years. I first got clean because I was thrown in jail..no chance to use there! When I got out, I stayed clean for months but wasn't that happy about. Started "dabbling" with the **** again, but only once every 2-3 months, then it became every month until I relapsed at about a year for 2 weeks.

At that point, I decided I just couldn't continue on with that lifestyle. I had just about lost everything I'd worked hard to get back in that year (which wasn't much, but it meant a lot to me) and wasn't willing to lose it. Not to mention, I was on the verge of getting caught violating probation and going to prison.

I came back home, away from the dope boys. The few who called me, I told them I was "done with that ****" and they actually were respectful of me and wished me well..imagine that! I work in a restaurant with a few people who have easy access to crack..they know not to even mention it to me.

I lurked on SR for 6 months, and finally joined and have met some awesome friends here..many of which I e-mail throughout the day..sometimes about recovery, but other times just to chat. I connected with a few people who have been near and dear to me in my life...in other words, I built up a support group. I don't go to meetings, but used to and I use what I learned in those meeting.

I started, at the very beginning, when I would have a thought of using, to tell myself "nope, not an option" and would immediately distract myself with some other thoughts. Now, my mind does that automatically. On the extremely rare occasions that this doesn't work, I just remind myself of how miserable I was AFTER my last high...still wanting more, and hating myself for what I had just done.

I'm coming up on 3 years clean, and have abused one substance or another for years, and years, but crack is the one thing that brought me to my knees.

I know, without a doubt, that if I take one hit, I'm going to want more and more, so it's imperative that I don't take that first hit. It's harder in the beginning because it seems like verythinng is a trigger, butitgetseasier.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

RobAllen

Thank you all so much for your time and concerns. I appreciate every word. I agree, there is no "One Magic Method" that works. You have to find out what works for YOU. This is what I am doing. I made a list of all the accomplishments I have made in life and WHY.

I found an interesting thing. You see, people do things out of inspiration or despiration. I found I made my GREATEST strides when INSPIRED (meaning "in spirit" IMOP) I have begam to formulate a "recipe" of things that hopefully will work. The MAIN thing ( and most of you mentioned this, is changing environment. Looking at the shelves where I always do my drugs would be a disaster. Moving is the first step. I am working on it as we speak.

Dee74

Hi Rob

I think there *is* a magic method that works for everyone, but you have to do the work, and sometimes a lot of work, to find out what that is for you.

For most people it's some kind of face to face support - whether it be NA, or CA, or counselling, or inpatient or outpatient rehab...or parts thereof...or something else entirely...is up to you.

I hope you won't dismiss anything out of hand tho. It doesn't make sense to me for you to limit your options right now.

Making a list of things to do is good - confusing that as action is bad.

Make sure you follow through on your ideas - check out a few options like the ones I listed above, or the link I posted earlier.

What can it hurt to have as many avenues possible at your disposal?

As far as moving goes? Getting out of a toxic house is good...trying to outrun your addiction, not so good IMO.

As someone once said to me 'the trouble is you always take yourself with you'...and I dunno about you but my addiction was all about the trouble in me.

D

AustinJim

Check out Cocaine Anonymous, I don't know if they have it where you are but it's big here in Texas. Oh, and I'm a recovered cocaine, alcohol, xanax, and marijuana addict. I stayed sober by living a life based on spiritual principles like honesty, humility, faith, courage, perseverance, and helping other people. The 12 steps provides me with the guidelines on how to live that life. And life is real good.

Best of luck.

yorkshire82kid

Wow where do i start.Well il start at the beginning.Im in a similar position to the chap who started this thread, and in dire need of help with my cocaine/crack addiction.I have always been into drugs since i was a lad.Im an only child and looked up to my cousin who was 7 years older than me as a 'big bro' figure.When he was smoking cannabis i was about 11 years old and i can remember thinking to myself "**** me thats cool" and started smoking weed round about then.I was a ganjah smoker all through my teens and still am in a way,but thats not what im here to ask for help with.From the weed i started on methamphetamines and LSD from the age of 13.Me and all my buddies were doing the same thing,all off our nuts and tripping or wizzing every weekend.Then on reaching 18 i discovered nightclubs,house music and ecstacy.From 18-24 every weekend i would be in a club off my swede on pills n beer.When i split with my long term girlfriend and moved back to my old neighbourhood at my mums house,i started hitting the pub everyday to numb the pain of the break up.Ive always been a football (soccer) fan and went to my local teams home match.In the pub toilets whilst taking a **** a kid i knew was snorting coke off a key,he offered me some and to be honest i didnt take much persuading!!! ....WOW i thought to myself this stuff is the missing drug in my life!!!...from there on in i started as a casual weekend warrior,snorting a cpl of grams on a weekend with my mates in the local pub.I then met my next girlfriend who for me was the love of my life!...The moment i got serious with her,like a ****** switch..my consumption of coke went through the roof.This want helped by the fact a football hooligan 'mate' id got friendly with was a big time gangster coke dealer.He cajoled me into looking after a few oz of coke here n there for him,and i smashed his supply BIG time! i could do at least 15 grams in,in a weekend and worst was to come!.This parasite knew i was getting hooked good-style and acted like he didnt mind...soon i was owing 4 or £500 pounds a weekend and poncing money off my parents.I was set up by this new 'gangster so called friend' and he robbed me one night with a couple of other guys when he knew i had some money id been awarded from an insurance claim.I couldnt do a thing and felt helpless as these guys 'taxed' me for my money because they were tooled up.The problem was that money was for me and my girl to move into a rented house we had signed for,and from there my decline began.I had to tell her my humiliating story about the money,she had to ask her parents and id lost respect and face big time!...what did i do? i picked up my security blanket again that was coke.At this point another friend came to me asking if i knew anyone i could sell coke to,as a business venture.I said 'sure' and invented a ******** mate up that could shift the sniff for him.There was no friend just me snorting an ounce a weekend to myself and hitting panic stations when i had to pay up.My good old mum (bless her soul) bailed me out time n time again.The more i turned on the water works and the lies got bigger,the more shed pay off my habit (although she wasnt aware at this point i had a habit,because my lies were convincing).Then i had a moment of clarity and kicked the habit kind of...but it was short lived.Me and the girlfriend (who at this point knew i was upto something) moved house to a nearby village.All was gravy for a few months and i was clean.Then i lost my job,and felt worthless as a man it was down to the recession and not my habit surprisingly!.I picked up again off of low level 'mug' dealers laying on and laying on massive debts.Each dealer like the parasite that came before the last one,seeing me unravel but just loving the money and turning a blind eye.It spiralled and me and my girl split.This time though she knew everything because where i live is a small town and people talk (im sure you know what i mean) so she knew the extent of my habit.We split,and for months i drank and drank myself into oblivion at my mums house.But i got clean of drugs,hit the gym,got new friends i felt i had put the evil 'coke' behind me....But my new friend who was my training partner at the gym started selling coke....BANG after a year of sobriety i picked up worse than before,£500 a week habits within weeks,and me balling my eyes out to my mum n dad "please il not do it again...this time its finished!" .....bollocks.i Ran that supply line till i couldn't pay and my poor poverty stricken parents had run out of money...What a ****.I payed the geezer back bit by bit.But then a friend of a friend rings me "do you know anyone who want any gear?" i said yes....all the while making up ficticious people i knew to shift it o...when really i was doing it in myself...Lies lies lies.I have now accepted im out of control,and after i maxed this guy out and ****** him round with payments....I sought out the other side of cocaine CRACK in my mums town.Turned out some young ******** who's number i acquired sold crack and heroin...now heroine isnt my cup of tea.But crack is!...i have swapped regular coke for CRACK and i can run up hundred pounds a day habit up on this..Although this is new i can see me unravelling the last bit of soul and my parents respect on thbis drug...may i mention i have tried to commit suicide 4 times via overdose i have felt so terrible about my actions.I wake up every day crying and depressed and suicidal...enoughs enough now...i want my life back.I am quite religious to an extent i am christian even though my selfish actions do not adhere to this.I owe the aforementioned crack dealer £300 pounds from 3 days smoking and hate myself.Im also sorry for giving you my life story but i just let it all spill out,what do you suggest? i have been to an N.A meeting before but it was all heroin addicts then,and i didn't think they quite got my plight.!...I am determined to change now,i have hit rock bottom to many times and any suggestions would be a great help to me.i begged my parents to send me away to my aunties 300 miles away in brighton but they couldnt afford it.It seems every pub,place or whatever has a drug dealer where i live and im simply to weak to resist.Thanks for reading,love and peace....ben,