Spinning
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 112
Spinning
My head is spinning today. Magical thinking I suppose. He has been calling the house but not leaving messages. He calls our daughter everyday, which I think is great but its always questions about me. She doesnt see that she is the informant.I only wish I was doing all these great exciting things he thinks Im doing. I havent called him back either. Still standing strong on the no contact rule. But somedays my head just spins.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
(((hugs)))
When I seperated from my A, I went no contact. We have a teenage daughter together. She stays with me. The only contact my A and I had was through him calling our daughter. He was asking her our plans and events. ( I was applying for jobs in a different community at the time ).
I knew that his asking our daughter about my plans and career was not healthy. She does not belong in the middle of adult conversations. I broke the no contact and called him.
In my case, my A and I both had previous marriages with children. Mine was the textbook example of how to have a healthy divorce and allow the children to be children. He was the textbook example of how not to divorce with children and the children became tools.
So I broke no contact and called him on his BS. I told him that if he wanted to have a healthy, adult relationship with me like my 1st ex and I enjoy; then he would need to be an adult and start communicating with me and leave our daughter out of the middle. He said he wanted the friendly relationship that I enjoy with my 1st ex. I explained that as uncomfortable as it was in the beginning with my 1st ex, we both had to step out of our comfort zone and deal with each other as adults and responsible parents. 1st ex and I still don't always agree on everything, but we treat each other with respect.
Be forewarned if you do call him! When I made that first phone call concerning our daughter being caught in the middle, he pitched right into begging and pleading for another chance. I told him I would not discuss or listen to that and had to hang up on him a few times for him to get the point.
When I seperated from my A, I went no contact. We have a teenage daughter together. She stays with me. The only contact my A and I had was through him calling our daughter. He was asking her our plans and events. ( I was applying for jobs in a different community at the time ).
I knew that his asking our daughter about my plans and career was not healthy. She does not belong in the middle of adult conversations. I broke the no contact and called him.
In my case, my A and I both had previous marriages with children. Mine was the textbook example of how to have a healthy divorce and allow the children to be children. He was the textbook example of how not to divorce with children and the children became tools.
So I broke no contact and called him on his BS. I told him that if he wanted to have a healthy, adult relationship with me like my 1st ex and I enjoy; then he would need to be an adult and start communicating with me and leave our daughter out of the middle. He said he wanted the friendly relationship that I enjoy with my 1st ex. I explained that as uncomfortable as it was in the beginning with my 1st ex, we both had to step out of our comfort zone and deal with each other as adults and responsible parents. 1st ex and I still don't always agree on everything, but we treat each other with respect.
Be forewarned if you do call him! When I made that first phone call concerning our daughter being caught in the middle, he pitched right into begging and pleading for another chance. I told him I would not discuss or listen to that and had to hang up on him a few times for him to get the point.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 112
I did that this morning on my way to work. He started right up with the I wanna come back, Im sober 60 days crap. blah blah blah. I told him straight out its not healthy for her to be the in between. I also told him that its just making me more angry and that Im sick of his BS. Told him get a life and hung up. Felt good!
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