Alcoholic Sibling

Old 01-04-2010, 06:15 PM
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Alcoholic Sibling

This is my first post (ever) to any website (I am not a "joining" sort of person), and I am hoping that there are more people out there dealing with my situation. Being the sibling of an alcoholic can seem simple from the outside - just don't have any contact with him... except that I am his only living blood relative. Do I just leave him? Trying to help him only caused him to call 911 on me when I showed up at the house. Do I just cut him off completely - no contact whatsoever? I am feeling so lost at this point. My parents are gone, he is my only sibling. Can I just say thank God for my husband while I am at it? Thank you all for listening.
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Old 01-04-2010, 06:20 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

You will find lots of support here. I'm glad you took the time to introduce yourself.

Here at SR I learned about the three C's of alcoholism:
I didn't cause the alcoholism
I can't control the alcoholism
I won't cure the alcoholism

That helped me put the alcoholism back where it belonged, with the alcoholic.
The freedom from not being responsible for another person's addiction allowed me to take better care of myself.

I hope you will stick around and read some of the permanent posts (called stickies) at the top of this forum. Post as many questions and concerns as you need, we're here to support you.

((hugs))
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Old 01-04-2010, 06:26 PM
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Hi ginnyrae!
Welcome-
I have alcoholic brothers and over the years I have had periods of no contact, periods of "loving them from afar" via postcards and letters...and periods of interacting with their insanity. The thing I try to remember is it is my choice - it is a choice - who I allow in my life. If a person is completely toxic and dangerous - it doesn't matter that we share DNA...I protect myself and my family first.

It must be hard that you are his last remaining blood relative, but never forget it is his choices that make a relationship impossible, and he has the right to live how he wants to live - it's his destiny he is fulfilling, as sad and strange and wasteful as it may seem, it is his to own and do with as he sees fit.

I know many times guilt has crept in and prodded me to reach out and I'd get burned. *sigh* One day at a time.

AlAnon helped me enormously.

peace-
b
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Old 01-04-2010, 06:40 PM
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welcome!
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Old 01-04-2010, 06:53 PM
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Hi ginnyrae,
It is hard to watch what they do to themselves.
I have four addicted siblings (two now deceased) and both parents as well.

The hardest thing for me to learn was that they have the right to live their lives any way they see fit. Even if it is clearly damaging, even if I don't approve, even if it hurts my heart to watch.....it is their life, and their choice.

I found peace by making it clear to my siblings that if they need my support, I will try to give it, but that I'm not going to get involved in their alcoholism/addiction any more. They are adults, and I'm not going to rescue them from their own choices. I'm also not willing to let their choices ruin my life or my marriage. I will not speak to them when they're under the influence, and I protect the sanctity of my home from their actions whenever needed.

They know I love them and want the best for them.

The rest is up to them.

Again: not my life, not my choices. Theirs only.
Very hard for me to learn, though!! The people here at SR have been a godsend to me when I simply dont' know what to do in a given situation. Al-Anon has been extremely helpful as well.

Take care of yourself - his addiction is not your battle to fight.
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