I went on a date
peaceful seabird
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I went on a date
Everyone tells me what a great guy he is. Stable career, no drinking, no smoking, respected in his community and handsome!
We went out to dinner Saturday night for our first date. We met at the restaurant and ran into old friends of his and they joined us for dinner. I listened and learned a lot about their lives over the last 10+ years.
We came back to my apt after dinner and I introduced him to my children and the dog.
I invited him back into our home Sunday evening for dinner and a movie. We had a nice time.
BUT, there's this thing....
After our first date, he talked about our future and how we would be married before his next career move. I thought that was really funny! I told him he did not know me well, because I planned to never marry again. It was funny at the time, but it happened again last night. I mentioned AGAIN that I am here temporarily and my job will be moving me away in the next 2 years. He joked that he would just have to retire and move with me.
There is a physical attraction between us, yes. We have kissed, yes. But marriage and committment talk 48 hours after our first meeting? really?
I didn't know I would need to put up boundaries already and that concerns me. I told him last night that I had 3 priorities in my life: myself, my children and then my career. I told him I was not interested in reshuffling the deck to put him into the top 3. He said he accepted 4th place. " Now when can I see you again?"
My schedule is busy the next 5 days with work and my day off is filled with appointments so I told him I would be available for a date again on Friday. He has already called me to see if I've changed my mind and want him to come over tonight. I laughed and said "Nope, I got your number and know how to reach you if I change my mind."
I think my man picker is still broken.....
We went out to dinner Saturday night for our first date. We met at the restaurant and ran into old friends of his and they joined us for dinner. I listened and learned a lot about their lives over the last 10+ years.
We came back to my apt after dinner and I introduced him to my children and the dog.
I invited him back into our home Sunday evening for dinner and a movie. We had a nice time.
BUT, there's this thing....
After our first date, he talked about our future and how we would be married before his next career move. I thought that was really funny! I told him he did not know me well, because I planned to never marry again. It was funny at the time, but it happened again last night. I mentioned AGAIN that I am here temporarily and my job will be moving me away in the next 2 years. He joked that he would just have to retire and move with me.
There is a physical attraction between us, yes. We have kissed, yes. But marriage and committment talk 48 hours after our first meeting? really?
I didn't know I would need to put up boundaries already and that concerns me. I told him last night that I had 3 priorities in my life: myself, my children and then my career. I told him I was not interested in reshuffling the deck to put him into the top 3. He said he accepted 4th place. " Now when can I see you again?"
My schedule is busy the next 5 days with work and my day off is filled with appointments so I told him I would be available for a date again on Friday. He has already called me to see if I've changed my mind and want him to come over tonight. I laughed and said "Nope, I got your number and know how to reach you if I change my mind."
I think my man picker is still broken.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Sweet Pel, I don't know what to tell you because I haven't been there yet. But it certainly does sound fishy. Without knowing the guy, I'd say throw him back. Perhaps your friends' man pickers are broken, too. They're the ones who suggested it, after all. Just my opinion based on the text. HUGS to you!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
from Barb: before you say hello with some people.
LOL! LOL! LOL!
Keep listening to your gut Pelican. It's interesting that the first little glimpse of a red flag has been steadily hoisted up the flag pole with each interaction with him. I don't know if your picker is busted but your in-flight radar seems to be working!!
peace-
b
LOL! LOL! LOL!
Keep listening to your gut Pelican. It's interesting that the first little glimpse of a red flag has been steadily hoisted up the flag pole with each interaction with him. I don't know if your picker is busted but your in-flight radar seems to be working!!
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Pelican,
Watch out for this one. I am deeply suspicious of anyone who is that clingy, and who ignores my boundaries that badly.
(they also make me a little nauseous, but that's another story
)
Nothing wrong with your picker. You can see very clearly what's going on.
Hugs,
GL
Watch out for this one. I am deeply suspicious of anyone who is that clingy, and who ignores my boundaries that badly.
(they also make me a little nauseous, but that's another story
)Nothing wrong with your picker. You can see very clearly what's going on.
Hugs,
GL
peaceful seabird
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by barb dwyer 
ps-
every date I've ever gon on
the guy moved in.
so -
you have your place to yourself ...
you're doing better than me
every date I've ever gon on
the guy moved in.
so -
you have your place to yourself ...
you're doing better than me
I could just hear you all inside my head saying "He's minimizing, oh and now he is deflecting, watch yourself"
But when I called my sister, she reminds me that I am a bit controlling and not to be so judgemental. My children reminded me that she needs therapy and not to take her advice!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
ha!
No, I wouldn't take her advice either.
The thing you said that worried me was when you said he talked about just reitiring early and FOLLOWING you to wherever you went.
offa ONE date?!?!?!?!
Thanks for the dinner,
if I give you the money you spent back
will you GO AWAY?
LOL
No, I wouldn't take her advice either.
The thing you said that worried me was when you said he talked about just reitiring early and FOLLOWING you to wherever you went.
offa ONE date?!?!?!?!
Thanks for the dinner,
if I give you the money you spent back
will you GO AWAY?
LOL
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
LOL.....well, dating is sort of a process of elimination?????
For myself, I have dinner and go home alone...no matter what. I often drive myself and meet them at the restaurant..or some such arrangements...
I am 50 years old and my parents have only met 5 men I dated and one I wouldn't have introduced yet, it was his idea to drive over and meet them. And I have dated lots. Lots of times one date...you're disbarred LOL...others weeks, some months.
So, I am very cautious of letting someone know where I live.
Didn't want them around my kids unless I knew them for a time.
Your picker is fine. Just alot of date-eligible men aren't what is right for us, what we are looking for or what we need.
I am engaged now. Never planned to be either. But this is one I want in my life that way.
So, wonder what will happen Friday????
For myself, I have dinner and go home alone...no matter what. I often drive myself and meet them at the restaurant..or some such arrangements...
I am 50 years old and my parents have only met 5 men I dated and one I wouldn't have introduced yet, it was his idea to drive over and meet them. And I have dated lots. Lots of times one date...you're disbarred LOL...others weeks, some months.
So, I am very cautious of letting someone know where I live.
Didn't want them around my kids unless I knew them for a time.
Your picker is fine. Just alot of date-eligible men aren't what is right for us, what we are looking for or what we need.
I am engaged now. Never planned to be either. But this is one I want in my life that way.
So, wonder what will happen Friday????
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Ok. Devils advocate here.
I know several couples who started out this a way. Man sees woman and knows he wants her to be his wife. These couples are my watermark for partnerships.
The women both say the laughed at the men. Didn't believe them. But the man didn't go away and they because great friends because he stuck around for so long, waiting patiently.
If your gut says run then do it, especially if his insistance is coupled with other odeous mannerisms and boundary crossing stuff.
But because I know these other couples, I'd also have to say watch and wait.
He could be your true love.
Or, a crazy stalker dude.
Either way, you're one of the few folks I know will have the situation in hand from start to finish!
I know several couples who started out this a way. Man sees woman and knows he wants her to be his wife. These couples are my watermark for partnerships.
The women both say the laughed at the men. Didn't believe them. But the man didn't go away and they because great friends because he stuck around for so long, waiting patiently.
If your gut says run then do it, especially if his insistance is coupled with other odeous mannerisms and boundary crossing stuff.
But because I know these other couples, I'd also have to say watch and wait.
He could be your true love.
Or, a crazy stalker dude.
Either way, you're one of the few folks I know will have the situation in hand from start to finish!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
dude is way too something.... -Anvilhead.
You got that right.
I read your post and thought, "Gee, now we know why he's single."
Don't you wonder that right off when you meet someone? I do. I meet someone (doesn't have to be a love interest either) and I think they're nice enough but I wonder when the mood's going to change and the crazy's going to kick in. My XABF with his mood swings, my ex best friend and her meltdown, our newest housemate and his obsessive behaviors.
You're worried about your man picker...I've got a pathetic people picker!
I think you are right to be cautious and keep making clear statements to him about seeing him on your terms if at all.
Alice
You got that right.
I read your post and thought, "Gee, now we know why he's single."
Don't you wonder that right off when you meet someone? I do. I meet someone (doesn't have to be a love interest either) and I think they're nice enough but I wonder when the mood's going to change and the crazy's going to kick in. My XABF with his mood swings, my ex best friend and her meltdown, our newest housemate and his obsessive behaviors.
You're worried about your man picker...I've got a pathetic people picker!
I think you are right to be cautious and keep making clear statements to him about seeing him on your terms if at all.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Yo Pelican 
Take it from a guy, I think your instincts are just fine.
And yes, it took me awhile before I could date again, and awhile longer before I could date sanely. What worked best for me was to introduce them to my sponsor and his wife. Nothing like some hard core 12-steppers to help me keep my head on straight. The ladies they liked turned out to be wonderful, one of them I am still dating, the others have become best friends.
Like the others have said, I think you're doing just fine.
Mike
Take it from a guy, I think your instincts are just fine.
And yes, it took me awhile before I could date again, and awhile longer before I could date sanely. What worked best for me was to introduce them to my sponsor and his wife. Nothing like some hard core 12-steppers to help me keep my head on straight. The ladies they liked turned out to be wonderful, one of them I am still dating, the others have become best friends.
Like the others have said, I think you're doing just fine.
Mike
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Just by what you wrote about him, that guy gives me THE CREEPS!!!!
I am not sure that if it was me, that I would see him Friday.
Something is not 'right' there.
Please be VERY CAREFUL.
Love and hugs,
ps: I am 64, I have done my fair share of dating during my sober years, I am no expert, but this one has
'red flags' for me. J M H O
I am not sure that if it was me, that I would see him Friday.
Something is not 'right' there.
Please be VERY CAREFUL.
Love and hugs,
ps: I am 64, I have done my fair share of dating during my sober years, I am no expert, but this one has
'red flags' for me. J M H O
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
