Reached out no response
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: mays landing nj
Posts: 168
Reached out no response
I knew I said I wouldn't but I did. Sent him a message he has still not responded. I don't know what I thought would happen he would magically act like an adult. I'm sorry I don't mean to rattle on with this but I guess as it is new I'm still having trouble working it out. I've been trying really hard to take care of myself and my life and that feels kinda good. But my AS always worries me and I for some reason always feel bad for him. Don't know why God knows my husband and I have been really good to him. He just refuses to grow up he's 28. And if he thinks being allowed to sleep with his girlfriend in our house makes us think his grown up that's pretty bad. I hope he's staying clean and I hope he is doing well and continues that way. If he doesn't want to talk to us I guess I'll have to live with that.
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Well, You did your part.
I'm not a parent. But I've heard many parents talk about getting relief by "Turning their children over to God."
They say "We are all really children of God. I birthed and raised him, but he's really God's child, just like me."
And they say "He has his own God. He's not going to listen to my God. He will listen to his only when he's ready. His God is there for him just like mine was there for me when I became ready."
I'm not a parent. But I've heard many parents talk about getting relief by "Turning their children over to God."
They say "We are all really children of God. I birthed and raised him, but he's really God's child, just like me."
And they say "He has his own God. He's not going to listen to my God. He will listen to his only when he's ready. His God is there for him just like mine was there for me when I became ready."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Jacksdaughter)))
I don't think there is a parent on here that hasn't done what you did...at least once.
Though I hadn't seen my XABF in about 2 years, I still wrote to him a few months ago when I found out he was in jail (the only time). I did want him to know I still cared about what happened to him. After turning him down for money, I got no response back.
I had no expectations of what HE was going to do, I did it for me, and have no regrets, though it wasn't always that way early on when we first broke up.
There are no hard and fast rules in dealing with an addict. Sometimes we try something, find out that though we THOUGHT we had no expectations, we really did and we don't do it again. Other times, we realize we did what we needed to do for us. We are constantly learning, through trial and error.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I don't think there is a parent on here that hasn't done what you did...at least once.
Though I hadn't seen my XABF in about 2 years, I still wrote to him a few months ago when I found out he was in jail (the only time). I did want him to know I still cared about what happened to him. After turning him down for money, I got no response back.
I had no expectations of what HE was going to do, I did it for me, and have no regrets, though it wasn't always that way early on when we first broke up.
There are no hard and fast rules in dealing with an addict. Sometimes we try something, find out that though we THOUGHT we had no expectations, we really did and we don't do it again. Other times, we realize we did what we needed to do for us. We are constantly learning, through trial and error.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
JD, one of the mantras that has helped me is, "Worrying will not change the outcome." This helps me to remember that this is HIS life, to hand my AS over to God and relinquish the 'habit' of control.
You may have many days and nights of getting no response from your son. He probably knows it drives you nuts and will be trying to manipulate you in many different ways. I recommend lots of codie and Al-anon reading every single day.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
Hand him over. Your job is done.
(((((((Hugs))))))))
You may have many days and nights of getting no response from your son. He probably knows it drives you nuts and will be trying to manipulate you in many different ways. I recommend lots of codie and Al-anon reading every single day.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.
Hand him over. Your job is done.
(((((((Hugs))))))))
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i agree with the others, try to turn him over to god. i also know what its like to worry about adult kids. as a recovering addict, i can tell you that your son knows you love him and he more than likely knows that if he really really needed you, you would be there for him.
if he's using, there is nothing you can do/not do or say that will make him use or not use. if he's somehow not ok, then i'm sure he or somebody will contact you to let you know. addicts are very resourceful, your son will probably find a way to get what he needs with you or without you. i tell myself that no news is good news and that gets me through the day.
when my family turned me away, i probably threw a fit too but i did understand that they didn't want to help me be irresponsible or to use drugs. i didn't want them to know that i really understood but if i'm honest with myself, i did.
try not to worry, when he's ready, he will come around. you are mama. try not to allow his actions to manipulate you into doing what you really don't want to do. i know its hard but try to keep the focus on you.
if he's using, there is nothing you can do/not do or say that will make him use or not use. if he's somehow not ok, then i'm sure he or somebody will contact you to let you know. addicts are very resourceful, your son will probably find a way to get what he needs with you or without you. i tell myself that no news is good news and that gets me through the day.
when my family turned me away, i probably threw a fit too but i did understand that they didn't want to help me be irresponsible or to use drugs. i didn't want them to know that i really understood but if i'm honest with myself, i did.
try not to worry, when he's ready, he will come around. you are mama. try not to allow his actions to manipulate you into doing what you really don't want to do. i know its hard but try to keep the focus on you.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Giving my son's care to God is what sees me through each day.
Before I could do that, I had to try everything I knew and it was only when I found myself completely exhausted and out of options, did I surrender and ask God to take care of things. He has from the moment I asked.
If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here. And refusing to let go just pulls us down with them to a place darker than any other I have ever seen.
So I work my recovery and keep my light shining and maybe, one day, he will see it and follow.
Hugs
Before I could do that, I had to try everything I knew and it was only when I found myself completely exhausted and out of options, did I surrender and ask God to take care of things. He has from the moment I asked.
If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here. And refusing to let go just pulls us down with them to a place darker than any other I have ever seen.
So I work my recovery and keep my light shining and maybe, one day, he will see it and follow.
Hugs
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