Hunny1116

Hi....and, again thank you all for being here. I get up each morning with a cup of coffee and have started reading this board every day. I have always felt so alone in my problems...I have not found anyone who truly understood until now.

My son was introduced to pot, pills, and booze by my ex (his dad) when he was about 13 years old, and they abused drugs and alcohol together since then. He is now 32. When his dad died of a drug overdose 3 years ago, my son descended into a drug world I could never have imagined. He has been addicted to crack, heroin, oxy, and God only knows what else. He has been in drug treatment twice at different places.

My husband (his stepfather) and I have tried over the years to "help" him with money, vehicles, and a place to live only to be used for what he could get from us and then discarded in favor of his drugs. When he called and asked if he could spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with our family, I felt sorry for him and said, "Yes." When we picked him up, he smelled like a garbage can and was "dope sick."

We brought him back Christmas Day even though he said he was getting evicted from his apartment for not paying the rent. It was obvious he had been using while staying with us. He called me twice today (Jan 2) and I didn't answer the telephone. I just don't trust myself....which is why I keep coming back here.

littlebird77

I am really sorry you are going through this, but I know you are in good company. Welcome!... This board has helped me so much to understand how I can cope with this.

cece1960

(((Hunny1116)))
You are not alone. Unfortunately, there are far too many of us parents.
I admire your resolve. You are far ahead of where I was when I arrived here.
He has options, and choices, and may just need to push to take advantage of them.

Keep posting...we listen quite well

(((Hugs)))

BBD

Hi Hunny, Sounds like you have lived this life for a while now and know what to do. This site saved me from making so many mistakes in the past with my son. Keep up the good work and we are always here. Sorry your Xmas was sad due to addiction......I hate it but am hanging on to "Hope" that things have changed here. hugs, Bonnie

Impurrfect

(((Hunny)))

Welcome to SR, though I am sorry for what brings you here.

I'm an RA (recovering addict) and a recovering codie (codependent) who has loved ones who are addicts.

I know that you would like to help him, but in all honesty, the only thing that helped ME was my family detaching...letting me fully face the consequences of my addiction, falling flat on my face, and figuring out how to get back up. They've been very supportive of my recovery, but when I was using, I wasn't allowed home....period.

I did the "homeless", "streetwalking" stuff, didn't talk to or see my family for months and months at a time. I regret what I put them through, but I am very grateful that they went on with their lives. When I began recovery, I wanted to BE a part of their lives again.

I've since dealt with addiction of several people that I love and care about. It is only because of the great people here, that I've learned how to do that. Even though I AM an RA, it doesn't make it much easier being on "this side of the fence"...addiction hurts, no matter which side you are on, but I think it hurts worse, when you are the loved one as you don't have anything to numb your feelings....jmo.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Hanna

Hi Hunny, it's funny for me to say "Welcome" because I just found SR two days ago, but I already feel I belong. So Welcome! I am glad you are here with us.

teke

hi hunny, welcome. i agree with impurrfect, i'm a recovering addict too and like her, it took for my family to walk away and allow me to hit my bottom before i was willing and ready to seek help for myself and committ to a plan of recovery. today i'm clean for a few yrs and is eternally grateful to my family for walking away, allowing me to suffer the consequences of my own bad choices.

my active addicted husband is what first brought me here only for me to find out that there was nothing i could do to help him other than to learn to focus on myself. imo, for an addict to have someone who will bail them out(jail,food,clothes,shelter,money,cars,etc), is like holding up an big banner that reads "its ok to continue to spend your or our money on drugs".

sorry this is going on for you but it can get better for you but only when you choose to do what is best for you to do for you. there is a lot of good info in the stickies at the top of the forum page and maybe you could search your area for alanon or naranon f2f support groups for yourself. i'll keep you and your family in my prayers

Insulated

"its ok to continue to spend your or our money on drugs". Yep. Been there. Done that. The one time I said "No, I'm not paying 1/2 the water bill. I refuse to subsidize a drug habit... Let HER ( the make believe other girlfriend) drive you and pay" Whew!!! Was he peeved. Poor thing had to pay the water bill out of his disability and ride a bike. Maybe about 3 less pills that day. Certainly made up for it...he overdosed and died.

Spiritual Seeker

Without enabling we can still be loving and show compassion to our sick addicted grown child because the little bit of humanity they have left might notice and definitely need it.

I was able to detach with love so as not to be taken advantage of and still work at keeping contact with my son when he was heavy in addiction.
In my opinion, Unconditional love is just that. It doesn't mean putting ourselves in harm's way though.
I often went long stretches w/o seeing my son, I did work at maintaining contact w/ him periodically.

He has been sober for 18 mos. now and during this process he thanked me for the compassion I showed him.
Even sober my son continues to struggle I understand it can not be easy to be an addict.

katie44

Welcome to SR I am the mother of a 22 year old AS choice of drug crack and what ever else. He has been in at least 4 rehab centres, counsellors, day programs. Each time relapsing. As parents we tend to take the blame. Addicts tend to deflect balme. What we have finally realized his drug use is not our fault. My spouse and I rented AS an apartment just to get him out of our home ( to ease our guilt), bought him groceries so he would not go hungry. Covered his lies, never made him face the consequences for his stealing. What I have come to realize if he is hungry there are churches etc. that provide hot meals, there are shelters to sleep. Some one once said to me on this board wich has stuck with me" if you keep picking up after him what consequences will he ever face to know and feel what his drug abuse has done to his life" This board has been a lifesaver to me. It's a place where there is no judjement, a place where people truly understand and care.

outtolunch

When I saw the title I knew it came from someone on the road to recovery, from codependency. You see the similarities amongst us, not the differences.

Welcome home.

hope213

hunny, i am glad you r here. welcome to s.r. please keep coming back. your story is so much like my a.s. j, & his son, little j. only my son still llives. he is spending the next 7 yrs in prison. read everything u can get your hands on. do not let him come back to your house to live. i too am scared to answer my phone some times when little j calls. i do not think he will ask to come live here. he lived here for about 1 1/2 yrs when he was 14yrs. old he left. i beg him not to. i truely thought we were helping him but found out while he was here after the fact he was drinking & drugging when we were asleeping at nite.stay strong... keep coming back here. we r here for u. u are not alone. prayers for you all.