Detoxing from AH Day 3
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Detoxing from AH Day 3
It's going on 4PM, and I haven't left my house in 3 days.
I got up at 8, took a shower at 11AM and stayed on my computer until 1:30. I meant to get dressed an go out, but it never happened. I've been working and reading posts all day. Actually, I have been working and reading posts for 3 days!
In between I have been having bouts of "almost" crying to actually crying and trying to remember to breathe through this.
1:30...I put my makeup on, and kinda got dressed. It's cold outside and I'm a Florida girl. (((burrrrr))) but I ended up getting back in bed under the covers and "kinda" watched TV. My mind is racing and I am constantly reminding myself that this is out of my hands and I did the right thing. "Didn't I...yes, I did! I did, I did, I did!"
I got out of bed at 3:30 and am just now dressed, for real. My palms are sweaty and my heart is racing a bit...I am pushing down this frog that keeps climbing up in my throat!........but i am forcing myself to go out now.
"Why hasn't he called Me yet?" Keeps creeping up on Me. But I am familiar with the "standoff" and I will not show my hand. I will stand firm on my needs and will not waiver...even if I doubt myself from time to time. Man, it's harder than I realized.
As bad on and off as I feel right now, it is nowhere near how bad I feel with an active A in the house. It's just so damn quiet!! (besides the dogs barking and cats meowing) I am thankful for the comfort they bring!
I am leaving now to go buy a purse in a color that I would never normally buy and just walk through the isles a bit. I need to disappear. I have to get out of here for a little while.
Even if it's cold.
I got up at 8, took a shower at 11AM and stayed on my computer until 1:30. I meant to get dressed an go out, but it never happened. I've been working and reading posts all day. Actually, I have been working and reading posts for 3 days!
In between I have been having bouts of "almost" crying to actually crying and trying to remember to breathe through this.
1:30...I put my makeup on, and kinda got dressed. It's cold outside and I'm a Florida girl. (((burrrrr))) but I ended up getting back in bed under the covers and "kinda" watched TV. My mind is racing and I am constantly reminding myself that this is out of my hands and I did the right thing. "Didn't I...yes, I did! I did, I did, I did!"
I got out of bed at 3:30 and am just now dressed, for real. My palms are sweaty and my heart is racing a bit...I am pushing down this frog that keeps climbing up in my throat!........but i am forcing myself to go out now.
"Why hasn't he called Me yet?" Keeps creeping up on Me. But I am familiar with the "standoff" and I will not show my hand. I will stand firm on my needs and will not waiver...even if I doubt myself from time to time. Man, it's harder than I realized.
As bad on and off as I feel right now, it is nowhere near how bad I feel with an active A in the house. It's just so damn quiet!! (besides the dogs barking and cats meowing) I am thankful for the comfort they bring!
I am leaving now to go buy a purse in a color that I would never normally buy and just walk through the isles a bit. I need to disappear. I have to get out of here for a little while.
Even if it's cold.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Good for you sofa. AH is not gone yet, but I am starting @ the back of my house and deep cleaning, washing woodwork, organizing, mopping, sweeping etc. I'm going to work my way to the front of the house today and tomorrow. Monday I will possibly tackle my office, which has a mountain of paperwork, stuff to Ebay, finances to get in order.
Proud of myself for not power calling/texting AH today. He'll mosey in @ some point today, my goal is to not engage, not ask, not drill. Just let him be.
Sometimes I find the cold outside refreshing. Hop outside, do a few jumping jacks, get the blood flowing. It can totally change your mindset. It's probably not the most healthy to sit cooped up all day and wallowing in your misery. Get out and do the best that you can if only for today, if only for 2 hours.
Proud of myself for not power calling/texting AH today. He'll mosey in @ some point today, my goal is to not engage, not ask, not drill. Just let him be.
Sometimes I find the cold outside refreshing. Hop outside, do a few jumping jacks, get the blood flowing. It can totally change your mindset. It's probably not the most healthy to sit cooped up all day and wallowing in your misery. Get out and do the best that you can if only for today, if only for 2 hours.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by cynical one 
...and on her tombstone it read "She missed out on a whole lot of living, but had a damn clean house"...
It seriously needs tending too. Been a little busy with other stuff if you see my post below. I had a bit of a chaotic few weeks here, cut me some slack.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
zactly - this is ONE thing that I can get in order of my life right now. My head is messy right now and I'm going to tackle this mountain one pebble @ a time. Nope, I've posted before about my OCD thing to order, cleanliness. Never tied the 2 together until I was reading it on here. I've been like this FOREVER, but I've been with AH forever as well.
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
So I made it out for about 2 hours. In that time I managed to buy not only one red purse, but a zebra print computer bag with red lining! LOL! I'm kind of a "neutral" lady, so red and zebra are huge in my world!! Not only that, but I bought 2 sets of earrings as well! Ha!
It felt great! Though everyone out there must have Holiday "jet lag" cause nobody was smiling much!
Nonetheless...it was a nice break.
I see you ladies had a OCD fiesta while I was out! LOL!
Not to worry, I have it too. I considered breaking the bleach out and scrubbing everything I could get my hands on...but that will have to wait until tomorrow! I don't know if any of you OCD'ers have heard of Fabuloso, but it just smells amazing!
Still no word from "Him" and I must confess, I am anticipating his call. I need to work on that. He is my best friend on top of all this, so it's a tough ride. I know you all can relate. I am having a little "down" slump at the moment and the frog is back.
I will rent the movie "Julie and Julia" and hopefully it will take my mind off of things for a few more hours. Just 2 hours and 40 minutes until I officially get through today. I wonder how long that movie is?
Thanks for lending your ear. It's so nice to be able to come here and connect.
If you have any good "detox" stories of your own, I'd love to hear them!
P.S. I don't recommend trying to clip your dogs nails while you're crying. Not a good idea!
It felt great! Though everyone out there must have Holiday "jet lag" cause nobody was smiling much!
Nonetheless...it was a nice break.
I see you ladies had a OCD fiesta while I was out! LOL!
Not to worry, I have it too. I considered breaking the bleach out and scrubbing everything I could get my hands on...but that will have to wait until tomorrow! I don't know if any of you OCD'ers have heard of Fabuloso, but it just smells amazing!
Still no word from "Him" and I must confess, I am anticipating his call. I need to work on that. He is my best friend on top of all this, so it's a tough ride. I know you all can relate. I am having a little "down" slump at the moment and the frog is back.
I will rent the movie "Julie and Julia" and hopefully it will take my mind off of things for a few more hours. Just 2 hours and 40 minutes until I officially get through today. I wonder how long that movie is?
Thanks for lending your ear. It's so nice to be able to come here and connect.
If you have any good "detox" stories of your own, I'd love to hear them!
P.S. I don't recommend trying to clip your dogs nails while you're crying. Not a good idea!
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
Thank you so much for your post. A nice reminder that there IS life outside our A's! I am dreading and looking forward to (all at the same time) leaving my A. It's so great to read about someone else going through this and reminding me that life DOES go on. I hope you'll keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Fabuloso? clue me in? Still ocd cleaning here. I made it to the front of the house though and am still working on mopping the floors. With each room I'm feeling better and better though.
Sofa, my next step is to go shopping (after I tackle the office). I desperately need some clothes. After that it's the hair. I'm coloring it myself lately because I just don't care to go to a salon, but before all of this started I was pretty high maintenance.
I don't necessarily want to go back to that, but I know I'm not the best that I can be right now.
Oh yea, exercise is next on my list as well. I've done and reprinted out couch to 5k and need to get back to that along with Jillian kicking my butt with 30 day shred.
We can do this ladies! (and men too)
Sofa, my next step is to go shopping (after I tackle the office). I desperately need some clothes. After that it's the hair. I'm coloring it myself lately because I just don't care to go to a salon, but before all of this started I was pretty high maintenance.
I don't necessarily want to go back to that, but I know I'm not the best that I can be right now.Oh yea, exercise is next on my list as well. I've done and reprinted out couch to 5k and need to get back to that along with Jillian kicking my butt with 30 day shred.
We can do this ladies! (and men too)
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
Two things:
One:I get Fabuloso at the grocery store. I get the purple one b/c i looooooove
the way it smells. Something about that smell & bleach just makes that perfect "clean" smell.
Two: I think a trip to your local salon and a visit with a fun hairdresser can be verrrrrry uplifting! Spoil yourself a little, you're worth it! May just be what the Dr. ordered!
Good luck!
"Yes we can!"
One:I get Fabuloso at the grocery store. I get the purple one b/c i looooooove
the way it smells. Something about that smell & bleach just makes that perfect "clean" smell.
Two: I think a trip to your local salon and a visit with a fun hairdresser can be verrrrrry uplifting! Spoil yourself a little, you're worth it! May just be what the Dr. ordered!
Good luck!
"Yes we can!"
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Originally Posted by sofacat
I see you ladies had a OCD fiesta while I was out! LOL!
Not to worry, I have it too. I considered breaking the bleach out and scrubbing everything I could get my hands on...but that will have to wait until tomorrow! I don't know if any of you OCD'ers have heard of Fabuloso, but it just smells amazing!
Still no word from "Him" and I must confess, I am anticipating his call. I need to work on that. He is my best friend on top of all this, so it's a tough ride. I know you all can relate. I am having a little "down" slump at the moment and the frog is back.
Detoxing.....ah how it sucks. BUT, if it's the right time it will get easier.
The ocd..... gosh what a common denominator here on SR. What would we do in a messy house? For me, I've had all day to 'clean', and would love to get going, but today, I'm not getting sucked in. For once, I'm going to 'feel' my pain, aknowledge it, and NOT push it away with bleach, and laytex gloves. I think that cleaning is 'avoiding', whether we want to admitt it or not., (I tried it over and over).
Lastly..... in this quote, you said he's your best friend. I get that thinking also. BUT believe me, my REAL best friend wouldn't have this push/pull with me. My REAL best friend, dosen't have a 'stand off' with me, if I were upset. My REAL best friend, dosen't manipulate, or hurt my feelings. Furthermore, my REAL best friend, loves herself, and loves me unconditionally.
Lastly, my REAL best friends actions SHOW me, that we are truthful with one another, and she listens. She enjoys doing things with me, and is flexible. She gives as well as takes, and dosen't expect me to accept a destructive, unhealthy relationship with her.
Does your A do these things for you? Or are you still wishing he WAS your best friend?
Food for thought.
Love,
Cess
work in progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
cessy-
I must admit...you've got Me thinking.
I don't even know what to say right now. Wow. I gotta tell you how much I appreciate your candor. It helps push my mind and I need that right now.
Once I wrap my brain around the answer to that question, or the million other questions that are in my mind right now, I will let you know.
Funny, the question in the meeting tonight that got me thinking was:
What do you want out of your relationships? It's been so long since I thought about it that way. I've been focusing on the "What I don't want in my relationship" for so long now that I've either forgotten, or settled. Hmm.
Don't get me wrong, My AH and I have so much fun together. We dance together, and laugh, talk about issues and solve the worlds problems Our proud moments are when we do home improvement projects together and actually accomplish them. We actually enjoy each others company. Our relationship has always been one based more on our friendship than sex. But you're right. Friends don't do things like that to each other...maybe once in a blue moon...but not perpetually.
Thanks for the "slap"...I soooooooooo needed that!
I like it here!
I must admit...you've got Me thinking.
I don't even know what to say right now. Wow. I gotta tell you how much I appreciate your candor. It helps push my mind and I need that right now.
Once I wrap my brain around the answer to that question, or the million other questions that are in my mind right now, I will let you know.
Funny, the question in the meeting tonight that got me thinking was:
What do you want out of your relationships? It's been so long since I thought about it that way. I've been focusing on the "What I don't want in my relationship" for so long now that I've either forgotten, or settled. Hmm.
Don't get me wrong, My AH and I have so much fun together. We dance together, and laugh, talk about issues and solve the worlds problems
Our proud moments are when we do home improvement projects together and actually accomplish them. We actually enjoy each others company. Our relationship has always been one based more on our friendship than sex. But you're right. Friends don't do things like that to each other...maybe once in a blue moon...but not perpetually. Thanks for the "slap"...I soooooooooo needed that!
I like it here!
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