InsideOut

I just want to start posting and reaching out!! I have been reading posts for several days and feel some real sobriety here!!! Something I am wanting more then ever today!!

I have been in and out of AA over the past 10 years, only reaching 6 mths sobriety on 2 occasions. I spent 30 days in a treatment center last November in the US only to start drinking a few months later. I felt so positive and motivated in the center but did not follow through with a good support program, aftercare and I could not find a sponsor. I live in the Middle East so when I returned home to my husband, there was not ANY support. I have attended a couple AA meetings here, they were OK, very small....only 6-8 people.

I have recently been studying the bible with a new friend, which she was a life coach for many years and she is willing to help me in any way she can. She gives me homework assignments and she wants to learn how to be a sponsor! She really gives me hope and she doesn't judge me. It is very difficult for me to believe that she would give of her time so freely but she just keeps giving.

I know I can NOT do this alone. I hope to restore my relationship with God and reach out to all available resources so I can finally live happy, joyous and free!!

Thanks for reading and I hope to learn more about each of you!!

Hugzzzzzzzzz

lionheart

Welcome to SR, InsideOut.

You will find some very supportive people here who will make you feel very at home and comfortable.

I cant imagine being in your position and am grateful for what I have but now know, SR can be the support you need on top of the wonderful friend you have.

Good luck on your journey and keep posting to let us know how you are going - it helps me!

LH

endzoner

welcome to the family Insideout its a great place here in SR full of lots of good people and lots of support .. were glad you here .. thanks for posting , many will follow and welcome you as well ~ huggles ~ Endzy

hope3

Welcome, sobriety can be a very joyful way of living, or it can be hell.

I speak from my heart, and have experienced both.

I went to AA because I read studies on long term sobriety for people

with rehab, aftercare and AA. The results were 50% higher that a person would make it to 1, or even 3 years sobriety with AA.

That said there are two parts to AA, the program (steps) and the fellowship. Going to

meetings gave me hope, working the steps gave me life.

It has been many months since I have had a compulsion to drink, yell or loose my temper.

AA has given me physical, emotional, and spiritual sobriety, and for that I am eternaly

Grateful

Hope and Love

hope3

Horselover

Welcome to SR and good job on reaching out here. Don't ever, ever give up because you never know when it might stick. It took me many years to get it right, but finally I think its sticking. I still have A LOT of work to do, but I am headed in the right direction.

Glad to see you here.

InsideOut

Thanks sooooooo much for your warm welcome and kind words!! It means so much to me!! I will keep coming back, posting and reading!! I hope I can make it stick this time, 2010 will be my year!!! ;D

Dee74

Hi Inside Out
Welcome to SR!

I hope 2010 will be your year too
D

InsideOut

Day 2 and feeling good about my decision to quit drinking. One good thing about living in the middle east is that alcohol is not in any of the grocery stores or corner stores. There is only one alcohol distribution center that you must be a member of and have your own membership card.....which I do NOT have!! Sooooo, it's not like I can get a ride across town to stock up while hubby is at work!! There is NO booze in the house, I told hubby that I need his support and I am more determined then ever to quit drinking and work at it for years to come!!!

I feel relieved and grateful today.....I hope I can hang on to this feeling but I know it will pass too so I am reading, posting and keeping my journey fresh in my mind!!

Hopefully, I can make some friends here on SR!!

louis

Hi there

Welcome to SR...

I am glad you found the site and are doing alot of reading here... info is a very important thing to us... and self awareness...
For me... if i know whats happening with me... wheni have good and bad days i can work with the tools i have found here and at home/AA/sponsor etc to work through them... and you'll notice i put the good days too... cos some times i can get caried away in them days too... and oooops... i get carried away into thinking everythings ok... i can drink again...

I hope 2010 is your year too... you sound like you have a strong commitment and that will help... remember its a a day at a time... keep in today... nowt we can do about yesterday... and cant worry about tomorrow...

Today is the day i need to be commited to staying sober and i am

Take care

Hevyn

Pleased to meet you, InsideOut. SR is the place that helped me get and stay sober after 25 yrs. of abusing alcohol. It was the positive, upbeat attitude of most here that convinced me to stay. I wanted what they had. At first I wondered why everyone was so joyful - now I understand.

One thing that I really appreciated was each time I struggled I was allowed to say so without fear of being reprimanded or lectured. Most people shared that they had felt the same way I was feeling - and told me how they'd handled it. Knowing I was no longer alone is what brought me back to life. Who knew there were so many people who had traveled the same road I had? It was comforting and liberating.

Stay with us and let us know how you're doing as you strive for a better life for yourself. Congratulations on your decision.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. There is hope! We do recover.

mirage

Nice to meet you, InsideOut! Your post was so inspiring..I needed that today, so thank you. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

InsideOut

So much guilt, shame and remorse is echoing through
my mind today. I didn't attend the usual ladies
craft group today in the compound. It was at a new location
last week and the host is a big drinker and a trigger for me.....
Yep, I ended up going home very loaded that day! I also helped myself
to the last serving of rum, returning the empty bottle to the pantry. So do
they know that *I* emptied that bottle? This has been so heavy on
my mind today.....so I avoid the whole group of ladies! Only going over for 1 minute to
drop off a couple things. They invited me to stay for lunch, I did BUT was
very uncomfortable.....I couldn't wait to get away from them!! Plus I had seen them
at the New Years party where I was loaded again.......

I am sure they think of me as the neighborhood drunk.......
Ugh, I am sooooo sick of me and who I am when I drink!!

I do NOT want to start isolating.....I would rather hide then deal with
anything......maybe that is just how I feel on the end of my Day 3?

wichitalineman

Hey InsideOut,

I've seen your posts on a few other threads and mentioned you in one reply. I believe we are in a very similar boat; we've both seized the tremendous power of making the decision to quit drinking alcohol at roughly about the same time. Beyond any goal I have for 2010 and/or any plans for myself over the next ~365 days, quitting drinking takes the number 1 spot, hands down. I am looking forward to making 2010 a complete success with my sobriety, and even more so I am excited that you are doing this too!!!

I hear you. Oh. So. Completely. In terms of how I feel about myself when I am drinking. I am sick of the person I transmogrify into when I drink. I am not always a mess, by any means... and only very occasionally a semi-disaster (and definitely 'memorable' in this regard when the occasion strikes, har har)... and sometimes, maybe more often than not, even a bit of a laugh to be around. But even with the chuckles, I myself am through with the individual who appears in my place when I add the drinks to the mix. As it happens, I like to be present in my relationships - and that goes for everyday of the year (not just weekday mornings!). I also prefer to remember what I said last evening the next day (it's just handy). And shocking revelation, I have never really been fond of hangovers, truth be told (just never got the 'hang' of them, so to speak, ha!).

So this stops for me, now.

I know the feelings you describe. Guilt. Shame. Remorse. I don't think I am going out on any limbs when I say most, if not all, of the people here probably completely get where you are coming from. You are absolutely not alone; these feelings just come with the territory. My advice is just to accept them when you are feeling them, ride them out until they subside, and then move forward with what you need to do today. Those feelings don't last forever, and the steps you are taking today is empowering you to leave those feelings behind for good! Lasting change that will have a permanent, positive effect on your life is just around the corner...

I am just finishing my day 8 today. I am not even taking 10 seconds to think about my life plan for the next year, six months, or even next week (even though I do have this roughly planned out, I am not 'focusing' on it this exact moment). I am just rolling through each day and walking, ever so persistently, ever so relentlessly, towards my goal... regardless of how bleak the moment I am in might seem. Mercifully, I have had a pretty even-footed go of it this time around, so far - thinking this is the time that I put my foot down for good. You can do it to!!

You are only on day 3. Just hang in there! Keep walking towards your goal, even if you don't feel like you are getting anywhere. Putting 24 hours on the clock IS getting somewhere, even if you've simply done nothing more than veg out and watched TV that day. I need to remember all this stuff myself, as it happens.

Hang in there, InsideOut! 2010 is your year! I look forward to seeing your posts throughout the year, and wish you nothing but happiness and success in your journey.

//_wlx

KenL

Hi Insideout,

I understand the struggle. It's hard to change the way we've been living for however long. Some of us have longer histories than others. Don't get down too much on yourself about all of this. My suggestion to you is to stay close to the woman who wants to help you. She may be the only one you will find who is so willing to give so much. In turn, there may be a time in the future when you can give to someone else who is in need of love.

humblestudent

Wow - what a wonderful thread. InsideOut and Witchita, I feel I have so much in common with you. If you know who "Dr. Phil" is, he's kind of a talking head on TV, pop psych doc with a talk show - but he did coin a great phrase, which is, "How's that workin' for ya'?" That's pretty much where I'm at. It's NOT workin' for me. I'm so over it. At least I feel really strong right now. I'm afraid of when temptation hits, or triggers come my way, like a beautiful sunny Friday summer afternoon. How will I feel then? I don't know...I guess I can't go there. I just have to focus on now, and focus on how good it feels to be doing something ELSE.

Hugs!

coffeenut

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you reached out.....please keep reading and posting and sharing. There is help, here.

barb dwyer

welcome!

InsideOut

Dear wix,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply back to me with such
an insightful, heartfelt post! It makes me feel so good that someone
here thinks I am worth the time it takes to reply and help ease my
feelings of despair! I have read your words over and over and just
sat with them and myself a bit to soak them up. AAahhhhh!!!

I want "quitting drinking" to take No. 1 spot in my life too. In the past,
I know as a wife/mother, I always put everyone else's needs before my
own.......even as I type this, I wonder how I am going to take care of me.
Learning to love myself would be a big step in that area but I find all I
do ALL day is beat myself up, the words in my head are even too painful
to say aloud! How do I stop this constant chatter of degrading,
belittling, judgmental, abusive language that never stops running in my head!
Maybe drinking is how I stopped the noise......in the past!! Not Today!!!

I find it even hard to pray with such racing thoughts.....I can NOT concentrate
long enough to put the words together. How can I ask for help from my HP
when I am all over the place? I just want to scream at this very moment!
My friend that's a life-coach taught me to put my healing hands on my chest and
breath in very deep and squish out the air very loud......do this several times! I
just tried that on my own and it DID bring me some comfort!! So a small
victory this morning......I have actually remembered to use a new tool!!

Wix, congratulations on your 8 days!! What a success for YOU! I am looking forward
to reading about and sharing in your journey with sobriety!! Yes, WE can do this.....
and it feels so much better knowing that we don't have to go it alone!!

I welcome each and everyone of you into my journey in Sobriety! I need your words, your wisdom, your pain and your victories...whether they are small or large!! They help me sooooooo much, you just DO NOT know!!

I am grateful for the beginning of Day 4.....even though I am having crazy thoughts, emotions and pain.......I will take notice of these feelings as it has been years since I
have truly LET myself feel!!

InsideOut

Hi KenL,

Thank you so much for your reply! Your absolutely right, I am going to
stay very close to my friend that wants to help me in my struggles! I truly
feel that she was sent to me by something bigger!! We are also working on
clearing up all that clutter that keeps me from connecting with my HP!!!

Just thinking about helping someone in the future brings me comfort today!

Thank you!!