gotahavfaith

I haven't posted for quite a while, but I thought I might try tonite. In September I had to kick my AD out of the house for all the usual addict reasons. Two weeks ago I let her come back. She is not using, and is on Suboxone, BUT also is not (IMO) recovering. She does have an appointment to begin counseling AGAIN this week, as that was a condition of her coming back here to stay. I have had her 6yr old son with me since she left in September, I have been caring for her 3yr old since October. So it has been quite an adjustment with her being back in the house. The reason I let her come back was because her ABF abused her. He now has domestic violence charges on him, but he has no address so they cannot serve him with papers for a protection order. I am hopeful that Jessi is on her way to recovery but I sure am not holding my breath.

I have been going to meetings, not as many as I should be, but it is very hard to find someone to watch the kids while I go to meetings, I have a very good child care provider who watches them while I work. I come here ALL THE TIME, and read, so all in all I am doing all right, besides being exhausted. I feel like I am recovering anyways. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and praying and hand it all over to my HP (God), as he is way better at dealing with this stuff than I am.

Last nite I went to a friends house for a couple of hours. I came home at 11:00, and my daughter told me boyfriend had been here. I guess there was an argument outside, and him standing in the street crying and acting like an idiot. This was the first contact since the domestic incident. She called the law, but of course by the time they got here he was gone. So, we thought that was the end of it. At midnite, my daughter, me and the grandkids went outside, because you know the kids had to bang pots and pans (LOL) and guess what??? My car, my husbands truck, my daughters car all had 4 flat tires. Happy friggin New Year. He then had the nerve to call, and when I answered told me Happy New Year. Then he called her cell phone and left a couple of really nasty messages. So my New Years consisted of 2 police visits, and another call to the police station about the phone calls. Along with explaining to the children why daddy would do that.

I guess my point in posting is this. I did not react the way I would have a year ago. And although I AM upset about having to replace my tires, and him getting away with all the things he is doing, I am not letting it overwhelm me. I am not obsessing about it. I said alot of prayers last nite and I am pretty calm today. I keep thinking that one day he will get what he deserves. I have done everything that I can (legally anyways) to see that he pays for what he is doing and there is not another darn thing I can do. Except to let it go. That means I am getting better. So maybe this will be a good year after all.

Thanks for listening
Gotahavfaith

Spiritual Seeker

((((Gotahavfaith ))) You do sound like you can find serenity in the middle of the insanity of your AD's like now that you have a front row seat to it. Way to go.

rayofsunshine

Your recovery is showing through the chaos! You've done all you can reporting the BF to the police and its good you can let it go. Hold firm to your boundaries with your D. You're doing good!

teke

sorry this is happening but you sound really good. i pray that all works out the way it is suppose to for you and your family.

outtolunch

Very inspiring post, Gotahavefaith.

Can you consider changing your phone numbers?
Make any sense to get a restraining order, too?

Or perhaps, no reaction will achieve the same thing.

gotahavfaith

Well, all tires have been replaced today. So I now have my vehicle back. My husband took them to our mechanic to see if any of them could be salvaged as spares. Couple on his could, couple on my daughters could. He said mine had been stabbed at least 10 times each tire. Think he is trying to tell me something? I am not afraid of him, but I do find that a little unsettling. His mother called me today to tell me to be careful of him because he hates me the most. I do plan on filing charges on Monday, but again, he has to be served and no address to serve him. The good news is I have a car.

Gotahavfaith

outtolunch

My daughter told me a story that occured while deep into her addiction, in the late Summer of 2007. She got pissed at her addict BF for reasons she does not remember or perhaps, cares to explain. So while he was passed out, she went outside and stabbed his tires 100's of times. Then she worried that he would think it was her, so she stabbed all the tires, on all the cars in the building's parking lot.

I knew the parking lot well, given I was often staked out there, at the time. My guess is she took out at least 20-25 cars..

What a combo....passive aggression and drugs.

hope213

((((Gotahavfaith))))) you sound as if u are doing good but can i suggest that you set boundries for your daughter.#1 be that if her b.f. shows his face there again that she call the law. you do not deserve having to pay for him coming around. take care of you & stay strong. hugs & prayers,

Maggiemac

Hello my friend I am praying for you and your family keep the faith!

Your friend
Maggiemac

Hanna

I agree with hope213 about setting boundaries with your Daughter. She needs to recognize that her choices are putting you, your husband and her children at risk. Like my brother has with us, she has brought your family into contact with a dangerous person that you would never otherwise have met.

It's terrible that he was violent toward her, but now it seems that violence has come to your home. That is not okay.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

Insulated

Aaahh yes. The old property damage trick. Really gets you doesn't it? Been there. Done that. Two windshields, knife in the tires, kicked the drivers door in reaking the power window, punched out the driver side rear window, threw a bike on the hood resulting in dents and scratched paint. No respect has he! But three cars, 4 flat tires. That's gotta be a record somewhere. I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU. Chin up!

gotahavfaith

Outolunch...That sounds like something my daughter could have done at times.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I really am trying to get better and take care of myself. I refuse to join in all the chaos. I set boundaries with my daughter, but I have to say that I just would really rather she be somewhere else. I don't think I can live with her again under the same roof. I don't think it is good for either one of us. So I am gonna have to rethink some things.

Gotahavfaith