s1seven7

Happy New Year!! First I want to say that if it wasn't for SR I would have been on FB very late last night looking at my XABF and his new girlfriends pages. Instead I came here which saved me from additional heartache.

Overall the past 2 weeks I have been doing ok, keeping busy going out with friends but last night was hard. I was ok until it struck midnight and that's when it hit me. My friends wanted me to continue the party out at around 2:30am but I couldn't do it.

I found out that my XABF's girlfriend (a drinker/pot/pill taker herself) is trying to get him to move out of state so that he can avoid his drinking friends. I was so sad to hear this. I feel like their relationship is on warp speed-its becoming serious so fast. I have heard he has not been going out with his friends and making an effort not to drink.

I have to remind myself that he did these things with me too and it would last for a time, but I was never able to convince him to avoid his friends completely. I guess I am fearful/envious that maybe he will do it for her, that she will get to be with the man I always hoped he would become. Why am I torturing myself??? Can anyone offer advice on how not to go down this dangerous road of "what ifs?" I would really appreciate it.

mssweetums

Hi s1seven7,

I don't really have words of wisdom, but I was here last night trying to cope. I did realize this morning, that for me to get over everything, I would have to cut contact with my XAB cousins. Dealing with them, wasn't helping me to not think about him and what I would like to think that he felt for me.

Maybe you should not listen to those that are sharing updates about your X. Just ask them not to share it with you anymore, and maybe not knowing will make things a little easier for you.

Kittyboo

I definitely agree. I have chosen to distance myself from anyone who is connected to XA, and quite frankly anyone who I speak to knows that I don't want or need to gear anything about his life.
I don't want to know what he's doing with his gf. It's enough for me to know how be treated me......that's painful enough.

It will help you along if you don't know what he's doing. Honestly, nothing good can come of that. Focus on you, only you, and anything that doesn't have to do with him.

s1seven7

I agree with you both! Unfortunately, it was my roommate who shared. We got on the topic of my XABF and how next year will be different and all of a sudden she let that slip (she works at the same bar and is friends with this girl) . She had been drinking herself so I don't think she even realized... I had asked her a while back not to let me know what was going on, and until now she has respected this.

She was telling me that he was not right for me (which in my heart I always knew) and that maybe they are just a better fit for each other. My roommate brought up how they smoke pot together etc. Then she mentioned how my XABF friend's were making fun of him for not being out lately. This I am very familiar with. Anyway, I think that is when my roommate brought up how the girlfriend was hoping to convince him to move. My heart sank but then other people came over and we did not continue the conversation.

A few days before this I was actually indulging in a fantasy about how one day he will realize how wrong he was (while in AA of course ) and want me back. This is so counterproductive!!!! Sorry I just need to vent.

BTW a FB question: does anyone know how to block yourself from looking at someone's page when it is not private and they are not on your friend's list? I hate not being able to go on but I don't have enough self control not to look at his page.

laurie6781

Wrong terminology, it is:

my XABF and his new ENABLER'S pages

You are out of the enabling business and she is still in it. I know it hurts, however, you now can move on with your life and she is headed deeper into the depths of hell.

Stick with us as you did last night. I can tell you that as I worked on my 'inner me', less and less was I drawn to 'toxic' folks and more and more 'healthy' people were drawn to me. It DOES get better, I promise.

This is an 'inside job' and although I have bad days, when life throws me 'curve balls' they are nothing like when I lived with either of my A husbands.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,