sobernow09

Please Help: Is there something that I am missing. I am a recovering alcoholic...nearly 12 months sober. I go to AA have a sponser and am doing the 12 step program. Whilst this has not been a easy journey it has been rewarding. After drinking almost daily for over thirty five years the compulsion and desire to drink is slowly diminishing. What I find hard to cope with is my active alcoholic mother who rings me drunk and hysterical and continues to tell me she wants to die as life is too hard...... that her life has been harder then anybody she knows.....on and on and on. Whilst I try to be patient and supportive I am getting angry and frustrated as she refuses support or the suggestion of resources as she claims she doesn't have a "drinking problem". This is despite blackouts, falls, bruises, continuously repeating herself, slurring and very cruel and abusive behavour. I have put my foot down and told her she is not to ring me when she has been drinking. This has worked up to a point. What she has been doing instead is ringing my daughter and telling her she wants to die. I know that there is nothing I can do if she chooses not to have help. My concern is that her behavour is making my recovery harder then it needs to be. I try to put her out of my mind and concentrate on my own recovery...however...I am finding this hard...Would perhaps alanon be a option for me...has anybody out there found these meetings to be helpful?

EveningRose

Congratulations on being sober 12 months! I can't offer any advice on your mother. My own father has all the traits of an alcoholic and most pictures of him you'll see a drink in his hand. How old is your daughter? Is she also willing to tell your mother not to call drunk?

I can say I found al-anon meetings helpful when I went to them, and the readings in the books.

sobernow09

Thanks for your kind feedback Evening Rose. Thankfully my daughter is old enough and has the ability to put boundaries in place. I have looked at my local resources and there is a meeting Wednesday nights an hour and a half drive from where I live...certainly worth the trip I'm thinking.

Carol Star

I would tell her I will hang up if I can tell she has been drinking. Tell her the boy who cried wolf story. She has choices. She can get help just like you did. I would have no problem with hanging up on her.

reverse

Yes....I'd definitely suggest Al-Anon. It couldn't hurt to try. And congratulations on ur sobriety! How wonderful! I can only hope my AM will find sobriety some day. She's been drinking nearly every night since I was a young girl, which would be approx. 25 years now. It's a miracle that she is still alive! I either anticipate her dying in the near future or hitting rock bottom. May I ask what it was that caused you to change and seek help?
-Amanda

sobernow09

hi Reverse..."What caused me to change and seek help."
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Every time I looked in the mirror towards the end of my drinking all I saw was my mother......I had two choices to get help and live or slowly but surely continue to kill my mind, body and soul...the choice that sadly my mum is making.
Thanks for your feedback.

discontentmiser

ha. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.
that really describes me when I started going to al-anon at the end of last winter.

I find it really helpful to talk to others who share my experiences.

DM

GingerM

I know I'm a little late in chiming in, but I wanted to say a huge congratulations on stopping drinking. That is a very impressive feat for anyone, especially one who had the behavior modeled for them all their lives. I don't "know" you, but I am extremely proud of you.

Since it sounds like AA has been working for you, I do think Alanon would also be helpful for you. Worst case scenario, you go to a couple of meetings and decide it doesn't work well for you. Even if it doesn't fit well with you, you haven't lost anything - you've gained the knowledge that you need to seek elsewhere for something that does work.

I applaud you again for getting sober amongst a family still actively drinking. I quit cold-turkey, no support group, in 1992. It took me over a decade to convince my family that I would not drink - no wine with dinner, no champagne on Christmas, no alcohol at all - and that I would not keep alcohol in my house (they have to bring their own, and they have to take it with them when they leave).

Keep your own progress firmly in mind when you have to deal with your mom. After all, she is what your future would be if you went back to drinking (that realization was the strength I drew on when I quit - that I was going to become my parents; a frightening thought that stopped me from going down that road).