Acceptance
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Acceptance
ac⋅cept⋅ance
[ak-sep-tuh ns] –noun
1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2. favorable reception; approval; favor.
3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
5. Commerce.
a. an engagement to pay an order, draft, or bill of exchange when it becomes due, as by the person on whom it is drawn.
b. an order, draft, etc., that a person or bank has accepted as calling for payment and has thus promised to pay.
Today is day 37 for me. I've recently become drawn to looking words up to find their true meaning. I'm hoping this practice will not only help me to live a sober life, but to try to find acceptance in my past and live at peace with the wreckage of my formal life.
Everyone of these definitions I find interesting and applicable to early sobriety.
I'd love to hear from both "newbies" (how are you finding acceptance?) and "oldtimers" (how did you find acceptance?).
Thanks!
[ak-sep-tuh ns] –noun
1. the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2. favorable reception; approval; favor.
3. the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4. the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
5. Commerce.
a. an engagement to pay an order, draft, or bill of exchange when it becomes due, as by the person on whom it is drawn.
b. an order, draft, etc., that a person or bank has accepted as calling for payment and has thus promised to pay.
Today is day 37 for me. I've recently become drawn to looking words up to find their true meaning. I'm hoping this practice will not only help me to live a sober life, but to try to find acceptance in my past and live at peace with the wreckage of my formal life.
Everyone of these definitions I find interesting and applicable to early sobriety.
I'd love to hear from both "newbies" (how are you finding acceptance?) and "oldtimers" (how did you find acceptance?).
Thanks!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
honestly I couldn't until I found a connection with a higher power. The first time I realized there was nothing I could do to control a certain situation, and that the fear was killing me, I asked for help. The acceptance I received was the first ray of spiritual light of that order I had allowed into my life in a very long time, and it change me profoundly.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
I have been studying and writing on this too.
The first thing I had to accept was that I am an alcoholic. I cannot ever have one drink again. I have a disease of the body and the mind.
As Bill Sees It says "Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100% sobriety". Also, accepting defeat does not need to be a disaster. It is the beginning of my recovery.
Accepting life on life's terms is a lot harder than accepting that I am an alcoholic. I always want to control things. I am learning to give it over to God. I know when I can do this, (although doing it all the time seems impossible) I will have serenity.
I think acceptance is a gradual process.
I am very interested to read what others have to say about it.
The first thing I had to accept was that I am an alcoholic. I cannot ever have one drink again. I have a disease of the body and the mind.
As Bill Sees It says "Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100% sobriety". Also, accepting defeat does not need to be a disaster. It is the beginning of my recovery.
Accepting life on life's terms is a lot harder than accepting that I am an alcoholic. I always want to control things. I am learning to give it over to God. I know when I can do this, (although doing it all the time seems impossible) I will have serenity.
I think acceptance is a gradual process.
I am very interested to read what others have to say about it.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I found 'acceptance' through SURRENDER.
I had to surrender to KING ALCOHOL. I 'surrendered' that alcohol had beaten me and that I had become a SLAVE to KING ALCOHOL.
Once I 'surrendered' I did a 'time line' of my alcohol and drug consumption, and when I could see the 'progression' in black and white, I was than able to 'accept' to the very core of my being that I was POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL, and that while cosuming that liquid, sometimes with other drugs, that my life had become TOTALLY UNMANAGEBLE.
Once I had that concept of "Surrender and Acceptance' to the very core of my being, then and only then had I built my first Step in concrete and granite. I knew that the first step was the 'foundation' for the rest of my recovery and I wanted that step in that firm foundation, not in sand, as the rest of my steps would be built on that one.
Congrats on your 37 days. May you continue to grow and change in your recovery!
Love and hugs,
I had to surrender to KING ALCOHOL. I 'surrendered' that alcohol had beaten me and that I had become a SLAVE to KING ALCOHOL.
Once I 'surrendered' I did a 'time line' of my alcohol and drug consumption, and when I could see the 'progression' in black and white, I was than able to 'accept' to the very core of my being that I was POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL, and that while cosuming that liquid, sometimes with other drugs, that my life had become TOTALLY UNMANAGEBLE.
Once I had that concept of "Surrender and Acceptance' to the very core of my being, then and only then had I built my first Step in concrete and granite. I knew that the first step was the 'foundation' for the rest of my recovery and I wanted that step in that firm foundation, not in sand, as the rest of my steps would be built on that one.
Congrats on your 37 days. May you continue to grow and change in your recovery!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,397
I've pasted something I posted on another thread here because the whole gist of it is really about acceptance, and for me -- acceptance took a while but is the key to my sobriety.
"Dean -- you hit the nail on the head (bolded text above) for me. In a certain sense, I'm "done" kind of like Dee says he "*had* to be." I first came to the realization that I simply CANNOT drink like everyone else and then after a time, accepted the fact that this must be a permanent commitment on my part to remain sober.
The recovery is to keep moving forward
to grow spiritually,
to help others,
and to stay focused and positive especially when those old urges inevitably hit.
Because they will hit from time to time. We're really never done.
I was a "Member with Two Weeks or Less" for three years. Before that I don't think I'd strung together three days sober at time in 20 some years, except for my pregnancies. I attribute that now to the fact that I never really cared enough about myself. At this point I'm at about 120 days, and believe me -- I too have had those incredibly strong "I want to get drunk and fade away" moments. The thing is -- I'm tired of being sick and tired of trying all the time. And now that I've gotted this far I really don't want to screw things up.
Anyway -- I know I've blabbered a bit, but I thought that this might help somebody here who is like I was -- a chronic relapser. I'll never be cured of these damned (and damning) cravings, but I can certainly keep moving forward.
Most importantly for me-- and something that I never take for granted:
READING AND SHARING HERE is the biggest part of my recovery. I'm not an AA'er --primarily due to logistics and time -- but I do try to practice the precepts. Although I don't attend meetings, I rely on a higher power, concentrate on taking my own inventory, reach out to others, and make amends. My fellowship is here on SR, and it works for me.
Haha -- just "previewed" this post before hitting submit and it sounds like "me, me, me." I just don't know how to change it at this point and hope you all take it as it's meant -- I'm trying to work on myself and not in the spirit of selfishness.
Thanks for letting me share."
"Dean -- you hit the nail on the head (bolded text above) for me. In a certain sense, I'm "done" kind of like Dee says he "*had* to be." I first came to the realization that I simply CANNOT drink like everyone else and then after a time, accepted the fact that this must be a permanent commitment on my part to remain sober.
The recovery is to keep moving forward
to grow spiritually,
to help others,
and to stay focused and positive especially when those old urges inevitably hit.
Because they will hit from time to time. We're really never done.
I was a "Member with Two Weeks or Less" for three years. Before that I don't think I'd strung together three days sober at time in 20 some years, except for my pregnancies. I attribute that now to the fact that I never really cared enough about myself. At this point I'm at about 120 days, and believe me -- I too have had those incredibly strong "I want to get drunk and fade away" moments. The thing is -- I'm tired of being sick and tired of trying all the time. And now that I've gotted this far I really don't want to screw things up.
Anyway -- I know I've blabbered a bit, but I thought that this might help somebody here who is like I was -- a chronic relapser. I'll never be cured of these damned (and damning) cravings, but I can certainly keep moving forward.
Most importantly for me-- and something that I never take for granted:
READING AND SHARING HERE is the biggest part of my recovery. I'm not an AA'er --primarily due to logistics and time -- but I do try to practice the precepts. Although I don't attend meetings, I rely on a higher power, concentrate on taking my own inventory, reach out to others, and make amends. My fellowship is here on SR, and it works for me.
Haha -- just "previewed" this post before hitting submit and it sounds like "me, me, me." I just don't know how to change it at this point and hope you all take it as it's meant -- I'm trying to work on myself and not in the spirit of selfishness.
Thanks for letting me share."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Wow, I was formulating a response and read bananagrrl's post and she pretty much said it for me...
It's incremental.
Accepting the need to change, that my life had become or was becoming unmanageable... Well, that part wasn't too hard. I got into some real trouble because of my addictions. But even at that point, rationalization and justification were looming everywhere, and in fact still pop up now and then. I figure that's why so many of us need to work that first step everyday...
Acceptance on a broader scale... My experience is that "living life on life's terms"... and I hate that little saying... is becoming pretty intuitive... maybe it is because I'm a little older and didn't really go into active and unmanageable alcoholism until the last few years, so I guess I'm dusting off those life skills I managed to acquire on this road of life. And maybe, perhaps more so, the program of recovery I'm using actually works for me!! Maybe I haven't been severely tested yet, but it hasn't been an easy year either.
Acceptance of a sober life. Hmm, that is most definitely a one day at a time affair. Here, for me, honesty is critical. I have heard it said that today's sobriety cannot depend on yesterdays... that saying I don't mind so much... and I most definitely agree. However, yesterday's sobriety is one tool that I use in accepting a sober life... It's been a little over 15 months... all of the important activities in my life.... my canoe camping trip, vacation, bicycling, skiing... I have done them all over this past year... And when I look back on it all... and ask... did not drinking change the memories and enjoyment in any substantive way? ... NO!!... I remember those experiences as fondly as any other year. I don't need alcohol or other things to have fun!!!
Acceptance.... thank God... is coming to me, and has become.... gratitude.
Hang in the Kjell, you are doing great.
Mark
It's incremental.
Accepting the need to change, that my life had become or was becoming unmanageable... Well, that part wasn't too hard. I got into some real trouble because of my addictions. But even at that point, rationalization and justification were looming everywhere, and in fact still pop up now and then. I figure that's why so many of us need to work that first step everyday...
Acceptance on a broader scale... My experience is that "living life on life's terms"... and I hate that little saying... is becoming pretty intuitive... maybe it is because I'm a little older and didn't really go into active and unmanageable alcoholism until the last few years, so I guess I'm dusting off those life skills I managed to acquire on this road of life. And maybe, perhaps more so, the program of recovery I'm using actually works for me!! Maybe I haven't been severely tested yet, but it hasn't been an easy year either.
Acceptance of a sober life. Hmm, that is most definitely a one day at a time affair. Here, for me, honesty is critical. I have heard it said that today's sobriety cannot depend on yesterdays... that saying I don't mind so much... and I most definitely agree. However, yesterday's sobriety is one tool that I use in accepting a sober life... It's been a little over 15 months... all of the important activities in my life.... my canoe camping trip, vacation, bicycling, skiing... I have done them all over this past year... And when I look back on it all... and ask... did not drinking change the memories and enjoyment in any substantive way? ... NO!!... I remember those experiences as fondly as any other year. I don't need alcohol or other things to have fun!!!
Acceptance.... thank God... is coming to me, and has become.... gratitude.
Hang in the Kjell, you are doing great.
Mark
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I am new to the whole truly acceptance thing. Many times I thought I had accepted alot of things. But not really.
But this time. I am accepting that I just can not use at all no matter what.
And I am not sure what got me to this point.
I think I tortured myself long enough and beat myself into it.
I am just tired. Seriously sick and flipping tired of myself.
Like laurie, I need to surrender. Its such a beat down feeling. But at the same time. It is so releiving. Like I cna breathe again.
But this time. I am accepting that I just can not use at all no matter what.
And I am not sure what got me to this point.
I think I tortured myself long enough and beat myself into it.
I am just tired. Seriously sick and flipping tired of myself.
Like laurie, I need to surrender. Its such a beat down feeling. But at the same time. It is so releiving. Like I cna breathe again.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Acceptance..... what a journey I had with that.
After almost 5 years of a daily battle that I lost daily with King alcohol I finally surrendered to the fact that I was fighting a losing battle against alcohol, I accepted I had lost, I surrendered to alcohol and I quit fighting it and accepted that I would just drink... devil be damned!
It was not long after this that I had a moment of clarity and accepted the fact that I did not have a clue how to get sober, stay sober, and accepted that I was going to die a slow lonely death from my drinking if I did not find a way out of the hopeless state I was in.
Having accepted that MY WAY did not work I accepted that I needed HELP! I called a hotline and saw a doctor and told him the whole truth about my drinking and was at a point where what ever he suggested I would accept as what I needed to do. He suggested detox, I went.
In detox they kept telling us 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, I accepted thier suggestion and did just that.
In AA my sponsor & the old timers suggested that if I wanted long term sobriety I should take the steps with my sponsor......... well I kind of drug my feet a few months on that one and darn near relapsed........ I finally accepted that I needed to do the steps and did so with my sponsor.
Taking the steps involved an acceptance of many things:
1. I was indeed powerless over alcohol once I had that first drink and that my life became unmamnagable at that point.
2. I had to accept that I needed to come to believe that a power greater then I could restore my sanity.
3. I had to accept that I needed to turn my will and life over to the care of the Higher Power of my choosing and understanding.
I had a great deal of things to accept as I continued to take the steps.
I use the Serenity prayer a lot in determining what I need to accept, and what I need to change.
I have found in my recovery that there is a great deal of acceptance, but I have also found that acceptance can not be used to avoid ACTIONS I can and need to take.
After almost 5 years of a daily battle that I lost daily with King alcohol I finally surrendered to the fact that I was fighting a losing battle against alcohol, I accepted I had lost, I surrendered to alcohol and I quit fighting it and accepted that I would just drink... devil be damned!
It was not long after this that I had a moment of clarity and accepted the fact that I did not have a clue how to get sober, stay sober, and accepted that I was going to die a slow lonely death from my drinking if I did not find a way out of the hopeless state I was in.
Having accepted that MY WAY did not work I accepted that I needed HELP! I called a hotline and saw a doctor and told him the whole truth about my drinking and was at a point where what ever he suggested I would accept as what I needed to do. He suggested detox, I went.
In detox they kept telling us 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, I accepted thier suggestion and did just that.
In AA my sponsor & the old timers suggested that if I wanted long term sobriety I should take the steps with my sponsor......... well I kind of drug my feet a few months on that one and darn near relapsed........ I finally accepted that I needed to do the steps and did so with my sponsor.
Taking the steps involved an acceptance of many things:
1. I was indeed powerless over alcohol once I had that first drink and that my life became unmamnagable at that point.
2. I had to accept that I needed to come to believe that a power greater then I could restore my sanity.
3. I had to accept that I needed to turn my will and life over to the care of the Higher Power of my choosing and understanding.
I had a great deal of things to accept as I continued to take the steps.
I use the Serenity prayer a lot in determining what I need to accept, and what I need to change.
I have found in my recovery that there is a great deal of acceptance, but I have also found that acceptance can not be used to avoid ACTIONS I can and need to take.
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Acceptance
Acceptance is another great philisophical conviction. My problem is I can always find a way around it in my head through rationalization and justification.
It's easy to accept the things I'm willing to accept.
I struggle endlessly with those I don't.
In my experience, in order to truly accept something I don't want to accept, I have to see it in the black/white of my own handwriting. Then I can see the truth. The facts then help me come to grips with and deal with it. Otherwise I just blow it off, again and again..
I don't know why. It's just that way with me.
It's easy to accept the things I'm willing to accept.
I struggle endlessly with those I don't.
In my experience, in order to truly accept something I don't want to accept, I have to see it in the black/white of my own handwriting. Then I can see the truth. The facts then help me come to grips with and deal with it. Otherwise I just blow it off, again and again..
I don't know why. It's just that way with me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
I thought I'd found acceptance...I realized lately, I have not. Is it something to be worked on, or does it come to you? I feel like I need to work on it, but I don't know if that even makes sense. ~sigh~...sorry, having a rough go at the moment, but what a great thread!
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I thought I'd found acceptance...I realized lately, I have not. Is it something to be worked on, or does it come to you? I feel like I need to work on it, but I don't know if that even makes sense. ~sigh~...sorry, having a rough go at the moment, but what a great thread!
The serenity prayer aides me immensely in sorting out things I have to accept and things I can change. When I struggle with something I pray & meditate about it, I repeat the serenity prayer very slowly applying each word or phrase as needed to get me to either acceptance or change/action.
Think about it, it took many years of drinking for some of us to get the way we are/were, recovery I have found is not like the instant gratification of alcohol or a drug, it takes time, work, & practice applying the steps of recovery to move forward one step at a time, it takes time and sadly time takes time.
When I first got into AA I wanted the peace and serenity those with 20 years sober had when I had only a few months. Well I am a little over 3 years sober and things are falling into place, I remind myself that it is spiritual progress and not perfection, I am doing okay as long as I am working on moving forward and not resting on my laurels.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Something I had about my alcoholism and had gratitute for and thus was fine with accepting my acceptance.
But once any hint of resentment came in about my alcoholism then my acceptance of my acceptance started to waver. (If that makes any sense!Lol)
SR is helping me to get my gratitude for my acceptance back and thus I should start accepting my acceptance!! LOL.
But once any hint of resentment came in about my alcoholism then my acceptance of my acceptance started to waver. (If that makes any sense!Lol)
SR is helping me to get my gratitude for my acceptance back and thus I should start accepting my acceptance!! LOL.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 711
Neo, I know exactly what you mean. I resented the fact that my husband drank and I could not and I got out of gratitude and thus acceptance and I relapsed.
I had to read and re-read the Doctor's Opinion to get it through my thick head that this is a disease.
I had to read and re-read the Doctor's Opinion to get it through my thick head that this is a disease.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
So maybe I haven't accepted my acceptance then! ha 
Thanks for your response, Taz. I have a lot more work to do than I thought...I guess I just didn't wanna work that hard..thought that I was one of the lucky ones that just had to put it down and that was it. I'm paying the price for that mentality.
"...an alcoholic of the hopeless variety" (sorry, I don't know how to quote)...that's what I can't seem to believe yet, which leads me to believe I haven't accepted squat.
Thanks for your response, Taz. I have a lot more work to do than I thought...I guess I just didn't wanna work that hard..thought that I was one of the lucky ones that just had to put it down and that was it. I'm paying the price for that mentality.
"...an alcoholic of the hopeless variety" (sorry, I don't know how to quote)...that's what I can't seem to believe yet, which leads me to believe I haven't accepted squat.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I laid in the CCU in the hospital with a hole in my liver, as a result of taking a prescription overdose while drunk, and was told I was not going to survive for 5 days before I accepted the fact that I'm an alcoholic. During the 5th night (probably after everything was finally out of my system) I prayed to God for forgiveness, i did not pray to survive; the next morning my blood tests showed an amazing improvement and the doctor somewhat angrily told me I was going to be fine. That day I accepted that I could never touch a drop of alcohol again. Over the last 2+ years I've almost daily worked on accepting who I am, what I did in my past, the Serenity Prayer is my constant companion. I only went to AA maybe 10 times but the steps (modified by me) have been the biggest influence on my acceptance on a very regular basis.
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by Tazman53 
I have found in my recovery that there is a great deal of acceptance, but I have also found that acceptance can not be used to avoid ACTIONS I can and need to take.
i've done my almost
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by Tazman53
I am doing okay as long as I am working on moving forward and not resting on my laurels.
I guess we need to accept who we are and what we are and that this is a lifelong process. ...but is that really all that bad? Maybe it's not (or at least I'm starting to feel that way).
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