OT - Moving in with bf to a new place...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
OT - Moving in with bf to a new place...
Well after lots of discussions, soul searching, change of plans, I decided to share an apartment with my boyfriend. If everything goes well we will be moving next Monday.
Months ago I went to have lunch with a coworker and his apartment complex was very nice. Silent. Clean. Guarded by a policeman. Cheaper. I had asked for one in rent at the same complex but they asked me for some financial backup in this city and I got no family. So my hopes went down the drain.
Last weekend BF called a real estate lady. She showed me a house I liked but the owner decided to sell it instead. And so, she told me she knew of another apartment.
We went to see it and it was the same complex I had seen before. After arrangements we may sign a contract next Monday. I feel I will finally be at peace and safe. It is much smaller than my current one but I feel so glad I won't live in such an agressive enviroment anymore. Hope my cats get used to it.
In May I may get credit to buy a house, so hopefully this will be my last move until I own something.
Packing again...
Later I will see about my current contract... I hope I can terminate it without it being expensive or problematic... but my main concern is getting out of where I am now. I am putting that contract on the hands of HP so things flow easily....
Months ago I went to have lunch with a coworker and his apartment complex was very nice. Silent. Clean. Guarded by a policeman. Cheaper. I had asked for one in rent at the same complex but they asked me for some financial backup in this city and I got no family. So my hopes went down the drain.
Last weekend BF called a real estate lady. She showed me a house I liked but the owner decided to sell it instead. And so, she told me she knew of another apartment.
We went to see it and it was the same complex I had seen before. After arrangements we may sign a contract next Monday. I feel I will finally be at peace and safe. It is much smaller than my current one but I feel so glad I won't live in such an agressive enviroment anymore. Hope my cats get used to it.
In May I may get credit to buy a house, so hopefully this will be my last move until I own something.
Packing again...
Later I will see about my current contract... I hope I can terminate it without it being expensive or problematic... but my main concern is getting out of where I am now. I am putting that contract on the hands of HP so things flow easily....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Well hello little gypsy girl!
I know you struggled over the decision to live with your BF and I know you didn't make the choice lightly. Try to let your instincts guide you. You are proof that you do not have to take what life is throwing your way. You can keep making changes until you feel more stable ground under your feet.
I am proud of you for keeping your options open and not settling for something that doesn't bring you peace.
I hope this all works out and that quiet little apartment is all yours!!!
Alice
I know you struggled over the decision to live with your BF and I know you didn't make the choice lightly. Try to let your instincts guide you. You are proof that you do not have to take what life is throwing your way. You can keep making changes until you feel more stable ground under your feet.
I am proud of you for keeping your options open and not settling for something that doesn't bring you peace.
I hope this all works out and that quiet little apartment is all yours!!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((TC)) - I hope everythings works out!!
Don't worry about the cats...mine moved with me, several times. We even moved into several furnished apts., when I did travel nursing. They were a bit nervous, at first, but as soon as I pulled out my sheets and blankets, and they smelled "home", they were fine. I had their toys, scratching posts and food/water bowls...things they were familiar with, and unpacked that first, so they were adjusted within an hour...just had to coax the scaredy cat out from behind the washing machine with food the first time
That's when I learned about the sheets/blankets...the smell of "us" comforted them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Don't worry about the cats...mine moved with me, several times. We even moved into several furnished apts., when I did travel nursing. They were a bit nervous, at first, but as soon as I pulled out my sheets and blankets, and they smelled "home", they were fine. I had their toys, scratching posts and food/water bowls...things they were familiar with, and unpacked that first, so they were adjusted within an hour...just had to coax the scaredy cat out from behind the washing machine with food the first time
That's when I learned about the sheets/blankets...the smell of "us" comforted them.Hugs and prayers!
Amy
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thanks a lot for your responses.
I talked to the real estate agency, they asked for 1000 USD to terminate the contract and won't give back the deposit. Ok, I said. I gave them my last paycheck. I used some money my dad gave me for these expenses.
Well the new landlord asked for a few papers, I went for them, I juggled stuff at work, made copies, we gave them all to him tonight. He kept talking to my bf as if he was the one knowing stuff when he has never rented anything, but well. I let it pass..
He also said that there was a divorced woman who wanted it but he didn't trust her, and that well, we were his choice "even if we were not married". Why does he care if we are or not? uggh. Things are so different here.
Ok I can't control him. I only need his apartment not his opinion. I let it pass. While they talked about curtains, I realized it was silent, single women arrived home alone, serious-looking people arrived coming from work, a much better atmosphere.
Finally he mentions he needs a copy of another legal document. Bf calls the financial backup.
She says no. This is a public paper and I have always seen landlords asking for it. Copies have no legal value. Well the lady won't lend us a copy.
Tomorrow I am placing a conference with both of them and ask if there is some way they can get the info they need without making copies. Perhaps typing the contract at her home? I don't know. They may end up arguing.
I paid a deposit and am thinking perhaps the landlord retracts, the backup gets angry and I lose my money and hopes of moving somewhere else. It was a kick to the gut when she said no. And when BF told me "call them". I said that I can add him to the conference so the 4 of us try to negotiate something. He said no, he was busy.
Well I'm busy too, more busy than him, and I still go to the bank, doctors (bad treated UTIs that have woken me up at midnight and there I go running to the hospital), go try grab documents downtown, make calls, care for the cats, wash the dishes and his shirts. I felt alone in my life for the Nth time.
For once I would like for a man to be a man and arrange stuff for me. Nope. He can't be on the call at his lunch hour. I told him I felt I did much more than him. He got angry. I got scared. He then went to sleep. And now I feel so frustrated for seeing a place I want to live in so bad and then most probably see it slip.
I am exhausted. I borrowed suitcases from my allies here and its tiring to be packing once again. Tomorrow I may need to unpack. And look for another financial backup. Bf has family but for some reason won't ask them. I may need to start looking for another apartment. All the while without eating because BF is broke and I am too after so many expenses for nothing.
Be right back. I need to cry and will go to the next room as BF is asleep. I'm so tired and frustrated, its ridiculous a working woman can't find a decent place to live
I talked to the real estate agency, they asked for 1000 USD to terminate the contract and won't give back the deposit. Ok, I said. I gave them my last paycheck. I used some money my dad gave me for these expenses.
Well the new landlord asked for a few papers, I went for them, I juggled stuff at work, made copies, we gave them all to him tonight. He kept talking to my bf as if he was the one knowing stuff when he has never rented anything, but well. I let it pass..
He also said that there was a divorced woman who wanted it but he didn't trust her, and that well, we were his choice "even if we were not married". Why does he care if we are or not? uggh. Things are so different here.
Ok I can't control him. I only need his apartment not his opinion. I let it pass. While they talked about curtains, I realized it was silent, single women arrived home alone, serious-looking people arrived coming from work, a much better atmosphere.
Finally he mentions he needs a copy of another legal document. Bf calls the financial backup.
She says no. This is a public paper and I have always seen landlords asking for it. Copies have no legal value. Well the lady won't lend us a copy.
Tomorrow I am placing a conference with both of them and ask if there is some way they can get the info they need without making copies. Perhaps typing the contract at her home? I don't know. They may end up arguing.
I paid a deposit and am thinking perhaps the landlord retracts, the backup gets angry and I lose my money and hopes of moving somewhere else. It was a kick to the gut when she said no. And when BF told me "call them". I said that I can add him to the conference so the 4 of us try to negotiate something. He said no, he was busy.
Well I'm busy too, more busy than him, and I still go to the bank, doctors (bad treated UTIs that have woken me up at midnight and there I go running to the hospital), go try grab documents downtown, make calls, care for the cats, wash the dishes and his shirts. I felt alone in my life for the Nth time.
For once I would like for a man to be a man and arrange stuff for me. Nope. He can't be on the call at his lunch hour. I told him I felt I did much more than him. He got angry. I got scared. He then went to sleep. And now I feel so frustrated for seeing a place I want to live in so bad and then most probably see it slip.
I am exhausted. I borrowed suitcases from my allies here and its tiring to be packing once again. Tomorrow I may need to unpack. And look for another financial backup. Bf has family but for some reason won't ask them. I may need to start looking for another apartment. All the while without eating because BF is broke and I am too after so many expenses for nothing.
Be right back. I need to cry and will go to the next room as BF is asleep. I'm so tired and frustrated, its ridiculous a working woman can't find a decent place to live
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I am back. It feels good to cry when I need to. I saw an email from my dad and wrote back to him. That made me feel a little bit better.
I thought the worse that can happen is that I don't move after all and have to pay more $$ for rent. And lose all of what I have paid. Hopefully not, but its just money. I will still have a ceiling above my head. The outcome is not under my control, I left it to God. Please send good vibes so somehow things get sorted out and I can leave.
I can't thank you all enough for listening, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I thought the worse that can happen is that I don't move after all and have to pay more $$ for rent. And lose all of what I have paid. Hopefully not, but its just money. I will still have a ceiling above my head. The outcome is not under my control, I left it to God. Please send good vibes so somehow things get sorted out and I can leave.
I can't thank you all enough for listening, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
awwww, ((TC)) - I'm praying that things work out and you get the place, but I understand the frustration. I don't understand the whole "financial backing" thing, but here in Atlanta, you have to have a good credit rating, and I don't so, still living with dad and stepmom....sigh, but at least I've got my cats BTW, apts HERE want a $500 deposit PER cat and the usual limit is 2 cats...I've got 3.
So, whenever I do finally make enough money to move out, I've got to find someone who doesn't check my credit rating and is a cat lover...that should be a challenge!
Big hugs and prayers, sweetie...I think you need a break!
Amy
BTW, apts HERE want a $500 deposit PER cat and the usual limit is 2 cats...I've got 3.So, whenever I do finally make enough money to move out, I've got to find someone who doesn't check my credit rating and is a cat lover...that should be a challenge!
Big hugs and prayers, sweetie...I think you need a break!
Amy
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
My dad told me (he just became a US citizen! he was a resident) I am invited to visit him in Austin for my birthday by the end of this month. Thank you for motivating me to go. There is a cat store I read about, I would love to visit it. And perhaps buy a decent pair of jeans. Watch Law and order. Yes, that cheers me up.
Sigh, when I was crying my two cats arrived, at least I got them, too. Impurrfect... someday, somehow... I hope you find a cat-lover landlord... or just buy a place altogether where you don't need anyone's permission..
Why would this guy mistrust a divorced woman? what if the husband was an abuser or alcoholic. Or she didn't want him anymore for any reason. He also said there were a couple of lesbians asking for it but the neighbor has small kids and they would be a bad example..
When I went to a doc he also asked me why "at my age" 27 I haven't married and don't have kids. Hello?? sorry just my anger speaking. Why don't they talk about the matters at hand? just give me the damn antibiotics !! ok I'm done.................
Sigh, when I was crying my two cats arrived, at least I got them, too. Impurrfect... someday, somehow... I hope you find a cat-lover landlord...
or just buy a place altogether where you don't need anyone's permission..Why would this guy mistrust a divorced woman? what if the husband was an abuser or alcoholic. Or she didn't want him anymore for any reason. He also said there were a couple of lesbians asking for it but the neighbor has small kids and they would be a bad example..
When I went to a doc he also asked me why "at my age" 27 I haven't married and don't have kids. Hello?? sorry just my anger speaking. Why don't they talk about the matters at hand? just give me the damn antibiotics !! ok I'm done.................
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Sheez, sounds like you've been dealing with some judgmental people who need to mind their own business!
I truly believe if this apt. is meant to be, it wil happen.
Gotta go...got a sick kitty I need to take care of!
Hugs and prayers!
Am7
I truly believe if this apt. is meant to be, it wil happen.
Gotta go...got a sick kitty I need to take care of!
Hugs and prayers!
Am7
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi tc-
am i correct in understanding that so far, you have put up 100% of the finances regarding this new place?
if i may ask, what is the rental payment agreement betweeen you and new boyfriend.
the reason why i am asking is that if you sign a lease with him, then you will be putting yourself once again in a bad situation, if it is you who is paying for everything.
it the above is true, then perhaps only YOU should be on the new lease. this means that if things go south, you won't be in a bad situation of losing your home again.
if it's not true, please ignore.
naive
am i correct in understanding that so far, you have put up 100% of the finances regarding this new place?
if i may ask, what is the rental payment agreement betweeen you and new boyfriend.
the reason why i am asking is that if you sign a lease with him, then you will be putting yourself once again in a bad situation, if it is you who is paying for everything.
it the above is true, then perhaps only YOU should be on the new lease. this means that if things go south, you won't be in a bad situation of losing your home again.
if it's not true, please ignore.
naive
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