rozied

My son got out of jail Christmas Day, after almost 27 months. During that time he got to wk release twice, but blew it after only a couple of wks.
My parents just turned 90. They are much more involved in my sons life than normal cuz I went through a divorce when he was little. Many times they have gone against my wishes and helped him. When it was getting close to the time he was to be released he kept writing to them begging them to take him in. I begged them not to as this has happened a few times before & it never works out. He needs alot more help than 90 yr old people can give him. IMHO he needs to be in at the least a half way house.
Well yesterday not 3 days since he has been there he beat them out of money again. He told them he owed $1290 for the bad cks he wrote. He had $400 of his own. My parents gave him $250. My dad drove him but didn't go in. He said he had to pay half or a warrant would be issued for his arrest. My dad found out this am that he only had to pay $120 as they rest was forgiven for time served. My dad is furious. He said he is going to throw him out. I am angry with all of them. My parents should have listened to me. Then he might be in a place where he could get the help he needs. They have never listened to me since this started.
I am so fed up with my son. After all that time in jail I don't believe anything has changed. Unless he gets his life straightened out I don't want to have a relationship with him. I cannot stand the craziness.

Seren

Oh, rozied, I'm sorry to hear about all the stress and craziness. My A stepson was released from a nearby county detention center on the day after Christmas. He contacted his Dad (Mr. HG), and wants to stop by his office to see him. We'll see what happens. We have not expectations of him, and we are not going to give him any money. We just plan on watching his feet, not listening to his words.....

Hugs to you and prayers for your whole family. HG

BBD

Hi rozied. Thats really too bad. What is it going to take for some of these guys to get it together. Maybe in your case it WILL be when your parents "stopping the enabling". I feel for you hon as you do sound mighty upset. My son relapsed late summer and is trying to get it together now but I just sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. He was expected into rehab but was doing a job he couldn't leave in the middle and never went. He, for some reason, thinks he can do this alone...NOT!!! So, we do live day by day (you and I)) in the hopes that things will get better. Take care of yourself and it always is nice to see you here. Don't like the circumstanes but I enjoy seeing your name...hugs and smiles, Bonnie

LowBottom

That sucks - and unfortunately jail is not rehabilitation it is housing for insanity. I hope your parents listen to you and your son finds his way before he finds the institutions and death.

outtolunch

It's hard to wrap my head around a 90 year old grandpa driving a 40 something year old grandchild, anywhere. In any event, there is nothing you can do about what they choose to do, or not. You cannot control them anymore than you can control your son or anyone, for that matter.

You have a choice to follow in their footsteps, or not. Choosing to not have a relationship with someone involved in chronic chaos sounds healthy to me.
No is a complete sentance. Getting into a debate about why, usually opens the door to neogitations. You do not need to explain your reasons to him or anyone.

He's old enough to either become responsible for himself or go back into the prison system. It's his life and choice.

And yeah, I know this hurts like hell-o.

rozied

I don't know why but the thanks icon didn't come up. Yeah I know there is nothing I can do about it & I don't want to do anything about it, but it still breaks my heart. I really had hope he would have woken up while incarcerated for so long.
I seriously don't want a relationship with him. It is way too hard watching someone you love destroy themselves.

sojourner

rozied - are you involved in any Alanon? Now is the time to double up on meetings, do service work if you can, etc.

rozied

Thanks Sojurner but I am way too busy servicing my own family. My youngest son is a single parents and at 62 taking care of my 2 grandsons is more than enough.
I thank God I have this group to come to.

rayofsunshine

Hi Rozied. Sorry your son is still showing the same behaviors. Glad you can come here
and let it out.

(((HUGS)))

Impurrfect

(((Rozied))) - I'm sorry he hasn't learned his lesson, but I hope your parents have. If not, well, that's their choice, unfortunately. You don't have to be an addict to have to learn lessons the hard way.

I'm sorry this happened, but am glad that you are choosing to detach.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

rozied

Thats the only thing you can do. As we all know you cannot control anyone but yourself ( and thats hard at times!) If someones behaviour upsets you that much you have the choice to stop having contact with that person.

Insulated

I am so sorry that these elderly people are getting taken to the cleaners. But, they did make the decision to help him. This may be just the turning point they need to be more aware of the schemes. It is sorry to say, but perhaps he would be better off in an environment that would facilitate responsibility - not mask it. I know it's hard. Are you mad at your son or mad at your parents...or both? Can you extract yourself from that household mentally and emotionally and do something good for YOU?

katie44

I'm sorry your son conned your parents again. It is really beyond your control if they choose to keep helping him. Hopefully this will be the last time. Just take care of yourself, you don't need all the chaos. (((( hugs))))

MyJoey

Rozied

Sending you a big (((hug))) you are getting it from all ends. I am sure you are worried sick for your parents and hurting because your son just don't seem to get it yet. I hope your parents kick him out and just maybe he will learn to stand on his own, it could be the best thing for him. I am praying and thinking about you, just hang on to them grandchildren and do something nice for you. Julie

Hanna

(((hugs)))
It must be so hard to see your son manipulate your parents, and then see your parents repeatedly enable your son.

Intense frustration with other people that enable led me to decide to give up and accept their right to make these mistakes. I recently decided I would strive not to judge or even impact the choices my family makes with regard to my brother. I know how difficult it is for me to make decisions about this situation, and each time I make one I have fear that it is the wrong one. I gather they have the same fears, so I'm working on letting go and loving them while following my own conscience.

Spiritual Seeker

I have been where U are @.
There was a time I couldn't take it any more. I completely detached from my son.
I didn't put any time frame on it. I detached until something changed and eventually it did.
We have a great relationship now, But I could do it again if things change and it becomes necessary.
The detachment was the best for both of us.

HurtingDad

Wow---do you have a full plate,and as others have said you don' have room for a 40 yar old. It hurts, I know....but do what's right and take care of your self....By the way what ever vitamins your parents are taking, can I have some?

Prayers and wishes to you and your family.