Feeling Better!
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 237
Feeling Better!
Since normally I just post when I am dealing with a particularly thorny practical or emotional issue as relates to my XAH, I thought it was only right that I post also to say that for whatever reason, in the last week or so, something has clicked with me emotionally I think and I actually am starting to feel better! Not so burdened! For the last few months, my XAH's pain is something I have been carrying on my own shoulders. I think I'm finally ready to let it down. I'm starting to really GET, in my heart as well as my head, that it is HIS choices that led him to where he is now, that I only ever asked of him to be a partner to me, someone who would work on his troubles with me and with our marriage goals in mind, and he would not do that, ever, so it is AOK for me to have divorced him. That I DO deserve happiness, and that I wasn't ever going to get it in that relationship, no matter how much I loved him, and I did. And that, while I hope and pray he chooses recovery for his sake and for the sake of dd, who would love a relationship with him, that it is HIS choice and HIS decision, and me coddling him like an infant is not the help that he needs. Hallelujah, I'm finally feeling a sense of relief and serenity. I just wanted to post this because it took me a WHILE to get here, and while I still feel I have mucho work to do, I am glad that I have finally gotten to the place where I don't feel like I'm carrying the weight of HIS ******-up world on my shoulders all the time. 
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi Mambo!!!
Excellent post, thank you!! Those "AHA" moments are so great, everything makes sense. I too go back and forth but I draw strength from SR, remember I had nothing to do with X problems and that it was wise to leave ASAP. I got a feeling we will get more of these moments as we continue to grow. Keep up the good work!!
I know your 2009 was tortured like mine, and finally... its ending, *****o !!
Excellent post, thank you!! Those "AHA" moments are so great, everything makes sense. I too go back and forth but I draw strength from SR, remember I had nothing to do with X problems and that it was wise to leave ASAP. I got a feeling we will get more of these moments as we continue to grow. Keep up the good work!!
I know your 2009 was tortured like mine, and finally... its ending, *****o !!
Seeking Serenity
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by Mambo Queen 
I'm starting to really GET, in my heart as well as my head, that it is HIS choices that led him to where he is now, that I only ever asked of him to be a partner to me, someone who would work on his troubles with me and with our marriage goals in mind, and he would not do that, ever, so it is AOK for me to have divorced him. That I DO deserve happiness, and that I wasn't ever going to get it in that relationship, no matter how much I loved him, and I did.
Good for you Mambo!!! Thanks for helping us see there is light at the end of the tunnel!!!
I can't wait to get there...
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